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Primary education

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Original poster

Should I tel the truth about why my daughter is leaving her school?

46 replies

mummyloveslucy · 23/10/2010 20:18

Hi,

My daughter is is year 1 of a private school. She has some SEN's and although they are doing their best, I'm aware that they aren't that experienced with SEN's.
She'll be moving to a state school that has excellent SEN's facilities and teaching.

She used to love school but now she's just resisting everything and dosn't want to go.
Her teacher wrote in her communication book that Lucy won a gold star for actually getting changed for ballet on time today so she joined in the lesson rather than spending the lesson changing. Sad She has buttond on her shirt which she finds very difficult and on her pinnafore.

they also keep her in at break if she hasn't done enough work, despite the Ed Psych saying that her sessions need to be short and focus on quality not quantity.

I think it is just a lack of knowledge really. They have been so good with her until now.

I'm not sure wether to tell them the real reasons she's leaving, or just to say we can't afford it any more? At least that way, they can't try to convince me to keep her there and it'd avoid any awkwardness.

I don't want to sound un greatful for all that they've done for her either as they have been so helpfull in getting her a speech therapist and Ed Psych etc and I know they are doing their very best with limmited funding and knowledge.

She might be there longer than a term as we'll be waiting for a place to become available at one of our chosen schools, and I really don't want this problem of her not being included in ballet as she's not quick enough to continue.
I spoke to her about it and she said "There is no one to help me, I hear the music starting and I'm on my own and I feel sad". Sad It's heart breaking to hear that from your 5 year old.
I've thought about velcro sewn on to her blowse and pinnafore to help with changing but I feel I need to say something about this.

I know I should probubly tell the truth, but if I'm honest, I'm a bit of a wimp and want the easy way out. I also want my daughters remaining time there to be pleasent for her. What would you do?

OP posts:
alfabetty · 23/10/2010 20:21

You should say something, it doesn't have to be aggressive or critical, just state the facts - what your daughter has said has happened, how it makes her feel, and so you want to try somewhere else that might be a better fit. Better to be straight, I think.

And it might mean that they are more realistic about what they can provide in terms of SEN for future families who are considering their school? Rather than trying their best but not quite getting it right?

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 23/10/2010 20:30

Yes, I think you're right. I'm going to mention the ballet, what's more I pay extra for it! They have a cheek really.

OP posts:
drivingmisscrazy · 23/10/2010 20:33

I think like alfabetty that you should explain exactly why she is leaving: I get a bit tired of private schools trotting out the same old nonsense about inclusion and catering to SEN when your experience suggests that this simply isn't true. It's not OK for them not to cater to her needs fully, and actually they are probably failing in their statutory duties - and she has picked up :( that she is viewed differently from the other children. A carefully phrased, but straightforward letter should do the trick...

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 23/10/2010 20:37

I don't honestly think they could do any better if another child came with SEN's. Her teacher seems so dedicated but she has a class of 14 children (year1+ 2 together) and the time and resorses arn't there.

There was talk of her repeating reception which would've been good I think, but they decided that she'd be better off staying with her class mates. At first I thought they were right, she settled so well and was very eagre to please. It's just all gone wrong and I don't know why.
I can only assume she's finding it too much and feels different.
She also has different teachers for different subjets eg Science, french, computors, P.E and Music. All these teachers need to know her so well, and I'm not sure they do.

OP posts:
alfabetty · 23/10/2010 20:40

You must have confidence that they won't 'punish' your daughter while she is waiting to leave. It is more likely they'll relax a bit about the 'not enough work' etc as the responsibility for her overall performance is removed from them. That may suit your daughter better - a bit more relaxed, more focus on play and smaller achievements and the school feel less pressure to 'hot house' her.

Don't think of yourself as a wimp, either, it's not about being brave or bold, it's about stating the facts and making the best decision for your daughter.

colditz · 23/10/2010 20:40

tell the truth and save the next child from this upset.

I told Ds1's OT that his teacher was makng him stay in at break to finish writing and she nearly exploded down thphone at how counterproductive it is.

IndigoBell · 23/10/2010 20:47

Don't say anything about leaving until you have the place and starting date at your new school.

Think about it - would you tell an employer you're job hunting? No, you'd tell them nothing till you had a job offer in hand....

The ballet, however is a diff story. I definately would be extremely annoyed if I was paying for my daughter to be miserable in the changing rooms.....

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 23/10/2010 20:49

We have a meeting in November with the EP, it'll be interesting to see what he thinks of her being left out of ballet and being kept in to finnish work.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 23/10/2010 20:54

That's true IndigoBelle, I can say what's bothering me and just put in a flexable notice with the Burser a lot of people have flexable notices in place just to be on the safe side.

OP posts:
Iamcountingto3 · 23/10/2010 20:56

I would definately say something about ballet - even if just to ask what they recommend to help her, as she is finding it upsetting to miss the beginning of every class Sad How could you modify her uniform/what help is available.

Ito the overall comments, I would write a letter and give it to them when your daughter leaves. It gives you a chance to be fair (ie thank them for their effort) whilst still saying that actually what was delivered was not sufficient to provide the support your daughter needed. I'm not sure that not having enough knowledge is a great defense to be honest - and I'd want to call them on that.

phipps · 23/10/2010 20:58

You must tell the truth for all the children with SEN who will come after.

Lougle · 23/10/2010 20:58

Oh your darling Lucy Sad

You will need to tell the truth, but you can do it in a way that is non-confrontational.

Poor, poor Lucy, sat listening to her classmates doing ballet while she struggles Sad That is wrong.

PfftTheMildySpookyDragon · 23/10/2010 21:01

You need to tell the truth.

They have not been doing you a favour by catering to your child with SEN. They should be doing everything that they can. You should not have to be greatful that they have arranged a speech therapist, you should expect this.

It seems from your post that they have failed your DD and you should say so.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 23/10/2010 21:01

I suppose if I bout her a couple of blowses far too big, she could put them on and take them off like a t-shirt, they don't mind having the top button undone. Then some velcro on one sholder of her pinnafore. That might help, then it's just the bloody ballet socks. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 23/10/2010 21:02

Ballet socks under her normal socks?? Would be o.k for the winter. Smile

OP posts:
tribpot · 23/10/2010 21:06

How sad for your dd. Can you make her clothing simpler - for example I know some of the girls in ds' class wear trousers on gym day. Could you go in to assist her?

Agree with the others, don't say anything until you have your new place secured.

I think you should tackle the ballet issue independently of any other concern.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 23/10/2010 21:07

I've found a lovely little school for her and the head is so positive and says she'll help her to get a statement. It's such a warm, caring school with a high nomber of children with SEN's and their support is excellent according to OFSTED. It isn't high on the league tables either, so I might get her in easier. (Fingers crossed)

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 23/10/2010 21:10

They are very strict on uniform. Hmm It's all bought from the school shop. She sertainly wouldn't be allowed to wear a polo shirt despite it making her life a lot easier. All I can do is try to modify the uniform without it looking any different like velcro etc.

OP posts:
MissDolittle · 23/10/2010 21:10

Putting in flexible notice sounds like a good plan. If they as why then you can say that the school isn't really suiting her needs and if you want to be polite (which, as a reader of your previous threads about this school, I wouldn't) then you can emphasise that its because of her SEN rather than you think the school is shite generally and you have a finite amount of resources and you think a state school with SEN experience plus 'enrichment' in the form of music classes/private speech therapy/drama/sport paid for out of the money you currently spend on fees will be best in the long term.

Re the ballet tell them that your dd needs help and they need to provide it. There are only 14 dcs and some are Y2 so its unlikely that anyone else needs help. It will take 2 mins for someone to help her with her buttons. It is not reasonable to deny someone access to the curriculum because of a SEN. You don't need specialist knowledge to understand that you don't leave a 5yo struggling with her clothes whist you do ballet with all her friends.

They are taking your money for it then not letting her join in Shock.

NonnoMum · 23/10/2010 21:11

Please don't make excuses for the teacher; 15 kids in a class is HALF what many state schools have.

A calm, rational letter I'd go for.

All this pressure to be quick and hurried drives me mad. My 5 year old daughter is laden down like a pack-horse going into school with all the stuff they have to take in. And socks etc is hard SN or no SN.

Stick up for your daughter.

KickArseQueenOfTheDamned · 23/10/2010 21:13

Sounds like a good plan :) I would still ask them to assist her to make sure she's not left behind feeling sad, and tell them that she has been. I would also write a letter either once a place was assured or once she had left explaining nicely how you appreciated their efforts, but it was not enough in certain areas.

good luck [hsmile]

autodidact · 23/10/2010 21:14

Oh no, mll.:( They sound just awful. Poor Lucy. Is there any way they'd allow her to wear a white polo shirt instead of the shirt so it'd be a bit easier to change?

elphabadefiesgravity · 23/10/2010 21:15

I think the school is failing your dd.

There is a girl in dd's class of her private school with special needs thought they are more physical and medical than educational.

She is fully included in everything, she has someone to help her get changed, and the other children also help her when needed.

Oddly enought this girl also does ballet as it helps with her dyspraxia and there is absolutely no problem despite a formal uniform of the type you describe.

The school have accepted her as a pupil, they are willing to take your money so they should have in place strategies to included her and ensure that the ballet scenario does not happen also they should be following what the ed psych says.

I run children's performing arts classes and we have a gorl with SEN. I fully admit we were clueless when we started and had no experience but we learnt, we liased with her mum and everyone is happy and the child is thriving.

autodidact · 23/10/2010 21:16

Sorry x posts re polo shirt.

I think they sound absolutely dreadful. Sorry. I hate that schools can get away with this sort of crap. Wish I could think of a way to help.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 23/10/2010 21:18

In a word, no! They even confiscated her little red flower she wore in her hair, until home time as it has to be plain black or navy hair hands.

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