paranoid or mummybullying?

[clementfreud]

Am i being paraniod or am i being mummybullied? Another mum at school seems to dislike both me and my child and when she is alone seems to make snidey comments and comes across as having some sort of agenda.I suspect she is being competitive but why do it to people who do not want to enter the competition? I just don't get it. I have given her the benefit of the doubt for some time now but am tiring of her shenanigans. When other mums are around she is sweetness and light. I am beginning to feel very uncomfortable with it and wonder if anyone has any advice? the trouble is the more uncomfortable i feel the more it looks as if i have a problem. Am i being manipulated in some way? I am not very good at this sort of thing so any advice is appreciated. What a tricky customer.

Agree that you should ignore - but taht can be difficult.

I was on a course with a lady who was lovely. We would meet for coffee and got on well, so I thought. However, recently she ahs walked past me as if she hasn't seen me. At forst I gave her the benefit of teh doubt.. She's a busy ady.

HOWEVER, we were both at a party with our DD. I startd talking to her and we had a brief conversation. She thne got out of her chair and moved to a chair in front and plainly decided she didnt want to communicate withme and ignored me. My partner was beside me and it was clear taht she was trying to distance herself. I was very hurt!

I would love to tap her on the shoulder and say outright "Have you got a problem with me?" - but I don't want to give it more attention than it deserves".

It is vey weird - and very strange how these things can knowck your confidence!

So come on all you blankets - this is an anonymous forum. Enlighten us please. Wouldn't it be really interesting if someone could be totally honest about how their cliques work and they employ to what tactics they use to maintain the status quo and why??????

I live in a smallish, very poor but quite arty town and there are several people I have met at parties and talked to at length who completely ignore me when we pass in the street. I used to get hurt, but now I think it's funny and I want to shout, "For ffs we live in X, not Hoxton."

And yes, agree with mango, what do blankers think?

But this isn't a clique thing mango - at least mine isn't. she doesn't seem to be aprt of any particular group and neither am I really.
I don't really spot cliques but I wouldn't expect someone from a group to make an effort with me IYSWIM - a group of mums who know each other chatting together is fine.

She just doesn't like the cut of my jib for some reason.
I would even understand if we had had any kind of intearcation but we haven't.
I sometimes wonder if I resemble someone who shagged her husband or put or her in a bin or something. Maybe my shoes offend on some level?

It is a v weird

Do you shower every morning, Paggy?

Are you sure you didn't put her in a bin and forget?

we are not telling

Oh. Showering.
[hmmmnnn]

this is my clique of special friends

if I could just figure out what on earth she keeps looking at

Have you got her cat in that bag?

Very good Pag!

My bag contains my grooming kit. The cat is sitting on my chin.

Oh v gd.

why thank you.

I like the "oh you are funny" response. It immediately means you're not taking them at all seriously, they don't hurt you and, indeed, that they are laughable. Which on many levels, they are .

I think I might be a blanker
I cant concentrate at the school gates. I am constantly on guard with DS1 (ASD, looks 'normaal') and ds2 who is 2 and liaable to bolt also. With an eye on eaach of them I dont have any eyes left to make eye contact with other people
I also have that thing where I cannot recognise people out of context, its terrible.
I saw someone in Argos last week who came over and started chatting away to me like we knew each other really well. I recognised her face in a 'I've seen this person a lot' way but really ahd no idea who she was. It was such hard work chatting away without making any comments like 'oh DS just started schoool too' or 'it was DS2's birthday last week' in case I knew her so well that she would already know this and then realise I didnt recognise her.
Barking

But that's different, Felix - ime the classic blanker deliberately and systematically acts as if you're invisible, as others have said, sometimes after having had several conversations which to you seemed pleasant and superficial - harmless.
Sometimes you've never exchanged words, yet they still find reason to brush past aggressively avoiding eye contact.
Which might not be weird in a lot of playground situations, but DS2's school only has 80-odd pupils, it's a small village school, and the norm is to smile pleasantly and greet everyone (as I do).
I agree they are laughable, but it incenses me that they have the upper hand as you can't say anything to them or anyone else without appearing needy.
We're all just trying to get through the day, aren't we? What's in it for these people?

Well, I don't recognise many people when I see them in town, but if you see them every day?

I have joined just to post as I am sometimes guilty of being a blanker and wonder if other blankers end up in this situation for the same reasons.

For nearly 8 years now I have been a parent at a primary school. Right from day one I jumped in as PTA secretary organising many fundraisers and later ended up as a parent governor. My youngest is now in Year 5.

The result is that I recognise many people and can greet them by name. Equally as the years have progressed there are many I can only smile at and say hello/ goodmorning/ goodafternoon etc. to

This is a huge problem as some mums know me from my phoning them to ask their help with something but I do not necessarily know them by sight.

Also if a mum I know by name is with a mum I do not know the name of - I tend just to say hello and then worry that they think me rude.

Some days I am simply in a terrible rush or sdistracted with the result that I end up walking past parents without acknowledging them. I feel absolutely terrible when this happens.

I even feel bad that there are so many new parents in the school who I don't know to say hello to as I worry that by knowing a good number of parents I end up seeming self important.

Thus blankers like me often feel terrible when we realise we have blanked someone we know and if we blank someone we should have known would feel equally bad - my suggestion therefore is say hello to the serial blankers and find something to talk about as if they simply have a terrible memory for names they should at least then give you a cheery hello and have a topic of conversation to resume when the opportunity arises.

On behalf of people like me who sometimes blank others - I apologise as I really do not want blank anyone (particularly as we have so much in common as Primary School mums).

I have to say I struggle to recognise people out of context too!

several times people have approached me and struck up a conversation and even though I go along with it I don't recognise them until much,much later.
I don't blank them though but do feel awful as I can't ask any specific questions as I cannot remember who they are!

SkaneMum, I think thats different cos your probably not blanking the same people ALL the time, which these types that people have problems with usually do. I try to be friendly to most people I see regularly but do blank people I know have been bitchy about me behind my back, I suppose I could be wrong about them (I doubt it) or they prob don't know that I know IYSWIM, and are wondering why I blank them?

There's this seemingly very powerful woman I know. She seems to have 'high status' in our community and her husband is very high powered with a high status, 'powerful' job.

She seems chilling and frosty and intimidates me like crazy. She seems smart, articulate and dresses in a conservative way, more mature than her years but in a tasteful sense. When any interchange begins she cooly assesses me from my ankles slowly up to the topmost hair on my head. She does this about twice.

When she speaks to me we tend to exchange pleasantries. She then proceeds to look over my shoulder, scanning the room for someone more important and influential it seems. She's done this at various school charity events and similar. Never any eye contact with me, always over my shoulder into the middle distance?

What I don't understand is that she is drawn and appears to suck up to the most decadent, glamorous sorts. The sort she openly gives the impression she disapproves of the most? The sort that have by far and away the most money and are part of a cool clique and/or have that vibe.

She has tried to get me involved in the PTA affairs many times (usually for the jobs that no-one else wants) and just won't take no for an answer from me (but does so very charmingly with the 'cool' clique).

I am very interested in the subtleties of various 'cliques'. We have another lady who I don't know well and is impossibly beautiful and always uber groomed. I always see her with a similar impossibly beautiful friend having coffee (usually a Mum from our local secondary). What I don't understand is that she appears to keep all the friendships on a very superficial level and it is never the same friend twice? Literally, never. Why would someone do that?

Gotta confess to blanking someone... I met her in the park through a mutual friend and happened to mention that I had a son. Later on she made disparaging remarks in my presence about boys and made it clear she was relieved to have only girls. I felt she was both very untactful and smug. I'm not friendly to her on the school run because her comments still rile me. I don't suppose she meant to be rude and she probably hasn't a clue she upset me but she did.