Trust / confidence in the teacher / school

[rebl]

After an atrocious start to my dtwins school career (done 3 weeks in reception) and 2 formal complaints that have been dealt with in a satisfactory manner I am finding that I am struggling to draw a line and move on and trust the teacher and school.

The problem lies in the way that both serious incidents were initially handled by the class teacher who is the deputy head. The 1st incident was regarding the storage of medicine. When I asked to put the medicine in the staffroom instead of at child height in the classroom next to all the childrens water bottles I was told that that couldn't happen because she would forget to give it to dd. This is AFTER another child got hold of the medicine. I took the complaint to the ht and she was not impressed that staff were not following school policy and clearly didn't even know it.

The 2nd incident was my ds getting out of the school premises. I was not informed. When I asked the class teacher she said she didn't think it was important enough to tell me . She also argued with me when I asked for the gate to be locked saying that it couldn't be locked as people come and go from the school all day. It wasn't until I went to the ht and complained that action was taken and again it transpires that policy is that the gate is locked and visitors use the bell (rightly so). So again the class teacher didn't know the procedures and wasn't prepared to safe guard my children even after a serious incident.

We've had a written apology from the ht and long chat with the class teacher. We are happy with the actions taken regards the medicine storage and safe guarding children. What I'm struggling with is trust. I just don't trust the class teacher to tell me things. If she doesn't deem my ds getting out of school as important enough to tell me what else is she not telling me? The home school communication book for my ds is all one sided, me. I'm not expecting a blow by blow account of his day but I do expect answers to direct questions about his reading etc. She has told me about behaviour problems yet doesn't want to discuss it. We are having terrible behaviour problems at home that have started since starting school.

During our conversation with her she said that she felt this wasnt' the right school for ds and we would be better moving him. TBH I agree with her, I don't trust her and ds has SEN so we need a good partnership. But, and this is the problem, dh doesn't think we should move them from this school and we should give them a chance to sort it all out and redeem themselves. I just think that even 3weeks, 3months or 3 years down the line I'm not sure I'll be trusting her (dtwins will be in her class for 3 years) and therefore not happy with the school. DH and I have argued no end over this. I also know that there is space for both my children in good school down the road. Will I ever get the trust back like dh seems to think I will? Or am I being a precious mother and there really is nothing wrong.

Visit the good school and see what you think. Only you can make this decision.

As a side note, home school books are a nightmare for teachers - When do you think we have the time to fill them in? They arrive and leave with the childre and we're always so busy rushing around, particularly in reception where she will be doing coats and shoe laces etc. When I had them last year, I would have a glance at the comments and then when I was replying I'd have children coming up to me constantly.

I don't think you are over-reacting. If it were me I'd definitely be looking at other options. I think there could be advantages to moving sooner rather than later while everyone still feels new and is finding their way rather than being settled into friendship groups.

teacher I don't know but considering its part of his action plan for inclusion I would expect something in it maybe once a week. Especially if I ask a direct question in it. Its plain rude to ignore a question for over a week that is a directly related to homework.

If I go and look at the other school will the current school find out?

I would move them. I think a good relationship is crucial. I am particularly concerned that she said it wasn't the right school for ds. Did she say why? My dd has SEN and despite the extra work she undoubtedly means for her teacher, her reception teacher is always caring, attentive to her needs and seems committed to meeting them. I would make sure though that you look carefully at other school and are happy that teacher will be able to meet your dc's special needs.

cansu No she did not say why. I got the impression though that ds is generating a lot of extra work for her. She complained mentioned more than once during the conversation that she's spending a disproportionate amount of time with ds and its not enough. She complained mentioned a lot of times that the only time he's well behaved is during structured activities and during free play, of which there is clearly lots in reception, he is disruptive. She said that she's introducing more and more structured time into the class just to control ds. Thats not right is it? Or is it?

I wish I could get dh to see it from my pov. If he would then I wouldn't even need to post . He's not prepared to even discuss it now because he doesn't want another arguement. He just can't see why I have an issue with trust. He just waves the letter in front of me and says that the ht has dealt with the issues satisfactorily. He's not seeing my problem at all.

Of course as its part of the child's action plan it should be written in, but how does answering questions about homework lead to Inclusion?

In addition, why are they having homework in Reception?

Teacher The homework is flashcard words to be learnt. They are out of context and my ds needs a multisensory approach to literacy certainly (he's deaf). I have been producing pictures to support the words so that they have meaning. So for example one word was 'in'. So I made a number of cards with a photo of his favourite train IN things. I then wrote in the box etc above the picture. This approach is definatly working for him and she agrees. We've had the same word 'yes' for over a week now and he just isn't learning it and I can't think of a way to visually illustrate it so I asked for suggestions. I got nothing.

As to why they have homework in reception I have no idea but they all do so I just assumed this was normal.

I remember your previous threads and TBH I would visit the other school,preferably with your dh but if not on your own,and if you are happy with what you see move them.The chances of getting two spaces elsewhere are not good nad if they are there you should at least consider it.I would also get onto the statement asap as it would seem to me you have a good case with the degree of needs that your ds and his twin have.

As somneone who has a child with SEN the relationship which you and your son have with the teacher is crucial.Your dh needs to understand this, I am afraid I would tell him that dealing with this issue is not negotiable .

If you can't think, maybe she can't either. I'm not meaning to sound negative or against you in anyway, but I just think that you've got a negative view of the teacher regardless of what she does. I've never had a home school book that worked and detest them as things can be misinterpreted, just like the internet.

Sounds shocking to me....I only read your first ppost but I think that your DS would not suffer at all if you moved him t this eearly stage...think of it as a trial for the real thing.

I would have no confidence either...a local school in my area has been put in special measures....for a numebr of security breaches. It's a serious thing AND they never told you!

Teacher 401 I don't know if you have read rebl's previous threads but to be frank her ds does have complex needs and it really doesn't sound as if the teacher has either the time or the inclination or skills to help him.Surely it is not good enough for a teacher just to ignore you if they don't have an immediate answer to a problem ,she could at least have spoken to her briefly to say I saw your comment I am thinking about the problem and will get back to you

Teacher Thats a fair enough comment, but maybe she could mention that. My dd's book is full of her praising her 'fantastic' reading. Yet for the child struggling there is nothing.

I do have a negative view of the teacher and I'm not disputing that, thats what I am trying to say. I don't trust her after the problems we've had. But dh doesn't see this. Would you expect my negative view to improve though with time or am I and her doomed to failure I guess is one way of putting it. I am struggling to draw a line underneath the last 3 weeks but dh seems to just be moving on and trusting them implicitly with our children. I feel that if they can't get the basics of safety right and don't even inform me when ds gets off the premises during lunchtime then how can I trust her to tell me other important things?

I would never leave my child with a friend who on a previous occasion let him get out of her house and she then thought it wasn't important to tell me. Would you? Is this any different? DH thinks it is, I think it isn't. I would like to try and see it from DH's pov but I can't. That leads me to believe I'm being unreasonable or precious.

Does your ds have a statement? if not then maybe he needs one to access 1:1 help in the classroom. My dd, although she doesn't have same sn as your ds, has 1:1 and also needs lots of structured activities and other approaches to help her learn. I kinow that the teacher couldn't do this without 1:1. If there is no statement teacher's inability to provide appropriate work / activities for him is pretty good evidence that one is required. You sound like me, I also make stuff, send in / suggest resources! Not because I don't have other stuff to do, but to try and help my dd. However, teacher401, it is school's responsibility to teach OP's dc. If they are struggling, they also have responsibility to seek help There is imo also a case to be made for adapting curriculum. My dd's SALT has suggested to school that reception list of sight words are not relevant to my dd who learns visually. We have had same problem - how do you illustrate 'the'? Very long post sorry but feel incensed on your behalf!

I don't think the issue here is the home-school book / homework or not issue - it's the fact that you don't trust the teacher, your child's safety was compromised and you feel that the teacher cannot or will not deal with your child's SEN. I'd at least look at the other school, especially as your child will be in that class for so long.

Is there a TA? If the teacher is struggling on her own with your ds she may be trying to get help but is being ignored by the HT/SEN. Her comment about it not being the right school might be her way of giving good advice. She might also, in a roundabout way, be trying to get you to take it further with the HT. Just a thought.

Can I ask why you will have this teacher for 3 years? I don't like the sound of that much

Could it be a composite class and the teacher has 3 year groups and so will teach them for 3 years?

Reading your posts I think your DH is looking at it from a short-term view - the problems are being dealt with as they occur - job done. Your focus is the longer term - your DS needs additional input to be able to learn and atm this isn't really happening. A (good) statement would (or should!) provide the extra resources needed but it won't necessarily mean there is a change of attitude to go with it.
Would your DH consider just going and looking at the other school and speaking to the staff there?
I can really emapthise with your situation, I agonised over which school to send my DS1 to (he has SNs) and despite all my effort it is Not Going Well.

It is a mixed yr group class, 3 yr groups in 1 class. She is the SENCO as well. Honestly I have to work with her through the whole of dc's primary school career.

DS doesn't have a statement. I did suggest that to her and she said that he wouldn't get one . She gave me no reason. I have deduced, rightly or wrongly that its because anyone assessing ds would sit in the class and see the resources being used and would say that more changes could / should be made to the teaching methods being used first. I.e. she could approach literacy / phonics with a multisensory approach. She could use actions for instance to support the sounds. This is just me summising though isn't it because she didn't give me a reason.