Reluctant reader - sanctions, bribery or just bloody give up?

[sethstarkaddersmum]

DD (Y1) does not like doing her reading.
I am fed up to the back teeth of trying to make her.

Please do not post helpful suggestions for making it more interesting, I have tried plenty of these and she's not having it.

I have tried the 'no tv/playing/snacks until you've done your reading' approach. This works but means 45 minutes of hell.

I have never tried bribery but I daresay it would work - 'If you do your reading you can have a sweet.' But I am reluctant to do this for obvious reasons.

Was discussing with MIL and she said 'Well, why don't you just let her not do it? She'll learn to read eventually.'
This seems very radical but has a certain appeal.

I just don't know any more. What do you do in these situations?

FWIW we have a house full of books, she loves having stories read to her, she loves making up and telling stories (doesn't mind writing them either) she just will not read for herself.

I posted the other day because she decided she wanted to read Pippi Longstocking (which is obviously too hard for her) and was given some great suggestions for other things to read, but she isn't interested in anything else.

I think I'd be incined to take her to the library and let her choose some 'easy readers' for reading to you. If she's chosen them she may feel more enthusiastic about them and they won't be ORT which is an added bonus.

My DD was in Reception last year and hated the ORT stories because she thought they were silly. Magic keys shrinking children and taking them off to jousting matches either scared her or didn't interest her. She wanted to read 'My naughty little sister' because she found the stories much more relevant to her life (never mind that we live in urban SE London and are no longer living in the 1950s). Her teacher said she was happy for DD to read anything at home and she didn't blame her for not wanting to read ORT.

In my own class I've hidden relocated the ORT books because I would prefer that children select a book they actually want to read rather than a book they believe to be within their current ability. I feel that many reading schemes can become quite limiting because children may stick to the OR/whatever level X because they know they can whizz through it instead of stretching themselves.

Let her choose her own reading material at home and simply record her attempts in her reading record/journal/log. It's far better that she reads occasional a chosen book with you than is forced to suffer the inane storylines of Biff and Chip. Perhaps if she shows willing in terms of having a go at some of the words in an Usborne 'read it yourself' type book (the speech bubbles often contain high frequency words) you could buy a Pippi CD so her efforts and attitude are rewarded by endless readings of a book she can't yet manage?

right.
I think I'll just leave it.

asdx2 - it's interesting that you were able to be very chilled with your 5th child. I think part of my stress about this is because she's my oldest. I have 2 younger dcs and hopefully by the time they start school I won't get so wound up about it.

I know I am making it worse.
Reading stories is much more fun - we had tonight's installment of Pippi Longstocking and dd was listening literally open-mouthed.
There is at least no risk that she won't see people enjoying reading.

thank you so much everyone for the good advice.

SE13Mummy - you know what, a Pippi cd is a brilliant idea. Not as a reward for having a go but just as a thing she will like. I think there may be one that comes with the Lauren Child illustrated version.

irritatingly, we don't have a library - flooded out in 2007 and not yet rebuilt. Mobile library comes every week when the kids are at school (meh.)

Is there anything else she is interested in? We got my DS lots of books from the library about what ever he was into at the time - animals etc. They were quite hard but he dipped in and out until eventually he can read the whole thing.

I also find massive praise works, rather than nagging (easier said than done, I know).

Oh it's definitely worse for your first. I could never have been so chilled out, I'd have thought he'd not get into uni if he missed a night's reading
Incidentally dd reads better and reads lots more for pleasure than any of my others did.

If you do get the Pippi CD, maybe she could have a go at reading it after listening? My dd likes to read books which would definitely be too hard for her, after listening to CDs of them. I think the memory of how the story goes and recollection of some entire sentences gives her the confidence to plough on through, and keeps up her sense of reading the things she loves.

had similar issues here. Culminating in a sobbing child who was so discouraged we were broken hearted.

On advise of teacher, we stopped reading at home for 2 weeks. Every night, id read a chapter or two of a bigger story - he was very keen on secret seven, we also read the first two Harry Potters, Charlottes web and more recently the Dinosaur Cove books by Rex Stone.

Gradually we introduced reading back again - he would read for a maximum of 5 minutes and then he'd have the next installment of whatever was on the go.... It just took the pressure off and got hm back into the mindset that reading could be fun. We also would read with him only 4 days a week, as any more was too pressurised for him.

School introduced some strategies to help - reading out loud in a group was one of the things upsetting him, so they stopped that.

He was also given additional support by a reading recovery specialist, just to help him regain his confidence.

does your daughter like winnie the witch? we are big fans in this house and you can get read along stories with a cd, pressure is off then.

any reading is good reading so say you are the kitchen slave and make a big fance hat for her and try and get her to read out an easy cake recipe(while you make lots of mess, flour all over your face and she can tell you off in her best teacher voice)

have you tried doing it in the morning,before school when she is fresher?
The books they bring home from school are supposed to be at a level below their 'teaching level' that they are at in guided reading at school.They should be at the level where they can easily read 98% of the words. Their purpose is to be easy and enjoyable to read- they are clearly neither of these things to your daughter.Don't pressure her or bribe her.Just read to her and enjoy books together.don't worry for now about her reading.Oh and do speak to the school

that sounds like a good system Shongololo.

I never expected this. DD was an early talker, she's always loved stories, and dh and I were both reading from 3.
Life would be simpler if children were carbon copies of their parents, wouldn't it?!

Pink - she loves baking and cake decorating and I tried that thing of getting her to read a recipe (you know, ultra-casual, 'What do we need next dd?',) but she wouldn't bite and it was just getting in the way of enjoying the cooking!
She went through a phase of being obsessed by the war as well but there was nothing about it that was anything like easy enough for her to read.

x-posted Wider, re cakes!

yes I have tried doing it in the morning when she is fresh....

and she likes Winnie the Witch, I may look out for that cd too if the Pippi one works, thanks.

I did talk to the teacher last term but she didn't have anything useful to say, just 'it's good to read with them at home blah blah blah'. Different teacher now though so I may try again.

I have this with ds1 also in yr1. I spent the summer getting him to read with the aid of constant over the top praise (I think I had been getting frustrated before when he would read the same word for the 17th time and not remember it, so he associated reading with me getting arsey), and dare I say it, buttons and stickers when he did do it. His younger brother got the same for potty training so there was a parallel.

And it is finally working. He went up to the fridge today and read out an invite and was very pleased with himself. I think the praise has done more than the bribery.

Also books that he was interested in - sharks/dinosaurs etc - went down much better than stories.

I would have just left him to it, but he told me that the boys at school all competed over reading levels and he was getting upset at them teasing him.

Oh and I got him some Ben 10 books and get him to sound out the odd word while I read the rest of it to him

I'd give up getting her to read ORT. I'd continue to read to her - a mixture of stories - some easy, some more challenging...leave some library books lying about for her to pick up voluntarily - make sure they contain easy text.
I'd take the pressure off for a while and then start introducing some more informal methods like comics - names on cereal boxes, go shopping allow her to choose things as long as she can read the label, signs etc.

Definitely agree with those who say you should leave it for a while. Reading should be a joy, not a chore - and the more she feels under pressure to "perform", the less she will enjoy it.

I would just keep reading to her and sharing books in a fun way, she will ready herself when she's ready. My dd loves Pippi Longstocking too!

Also rememeber at the end of the day they do have to be developmentally ready.Some children (of all intelligence levels) just aren't ready until much later than others

mmm, I wouldn't be surprised if she's not ready - she's youngish for her year (June birthday) and for her age in general.

I think those who have fingered ORT as the problem might be on to something. Not only are they crap, they just do NOT work with phonics. Apparently schools use them because they have them in stock - they were bought before the current fashion for synthetic phonics came in.

I'd back off and just carry on reading books she does enjoy out loud. She'll move on when she's ready.

Right, so she's only 5 years 3 months? Even more reason to abandon stupid ORT and just enjoy reading some good books to her, then.

yeah and she's a young 5 years 3 months (her 3.9yo brother usually seems more mature....)

Seth, imo light touch to ORT and encourage the books she does like - Winnie the Witch is great! And let her trawl the charity book shop book, people catalogue etc and pick up anything that appeals.

DS(6) is an avid reader ...of books he likes... we don't sweat the ones from school if they don't light his fire (he's on chpt books but did ORT). We choose what to get from them iyswim. Might get him to read a few pages out loud with expression and invent voices, or pay particular attention to the punctuation, new words or discuss the characters (which gets noted in his reading book) and then leave him to finish it (which actually he does, but sometimes cursorily) but if he didn't I would read it to him so there is satisfaction in completion. Unless he's particularly enjoying it, 10 mins max...45 mins sound painful!

I think the problem might be a 45 minute reading session. I think this is way too long for a child of this age and will just put her off wanting to do it. Could you reduce it dramatically to see if that might help - have you tried having her re=read today something you read together yesterday -just to get her confidence up a bit?

They do teach reading at a very young age in the UK. We moved to the US last year and the children aren't taught phonics and reading until 1st Grade (when they are 6.5 - 7 years old). I don't think either system is better it's just interesting that they wouldn't even expect a 5 year old to read here!

Does she like any books? Try to borrow from the library or buy, or just get out whichever books she does like, and enjoy them. Read to her lots.
My DC1 is still a reluctant reader, but will occasionally ask for books, and although every present of a book is greeted with a groan, they are actually appreciated.

I read a book called "The Reading Bug" by Paul Jennings when DC1 was younger and have used a lot of those techniques to try to get a love of reading. We have also used story CDs, sometimes followed by reading the book itself, a lot.

Do just keep an eye, in case she actually does have a problem which is why she is reluctant to read (hearing, eye sight or dyslexia type).

Good luck.

ps. if a child ever gets that upset, then the homework/reading is not worth it. (Teenager's do not cry about not doing their homework, its usually "just a minute").

We don't read for 45 mins, the 45 mins is how long it takes on average to get her to sit down and do it if I use the only way it works which is threats and sanctions ('No tv till you've done your reading' etc)! Once she has actually agreed to do it she whizzes through. I agree, that would indeed be way too long! Sorry I wasn't clear.
You see I was hoping that insisting she do it would establish the pattern and once we were in the habit she would just get on with it, but it hasn't happened - if anything it's been counterproductive because the stress levels are so high now for both of us.
I am fairly sure now that you are all right about a temporary withdrawal. It should not be a battle.

She loves being read to, really loves it, and she quite happily picks up books and reads to her baby brother.

No library round here (flooded and still in process of being rebuilt) but we do use charity shops as you describe.

Eyesight fine, hearing fine.