Tutor for Year 1?

[Sammiez]

Hi,

I am contemplating getting a tutor for my Yr 1 dd who has been in the UK for a year now. Her level of understanding of English bothers me and this affects her comprehension sometimes;maths,etc. I am worried that now she has gone into Yr1 it might be an issue. I have become so worried about this and now find it so hard to help her at home. I snap,cry,get frustrated. I have put her off reading already now. She will read but won't get into the book and enjoy it. To be honest,she hates reading:(

Plus the areas they are expected to cover is,to me, mind boggling! Geography,science and tech,etc... I,personally think this is too much for 5-7year olds. I sometimes have no clue what is expected of me. But this is where we live now so have to adapt.

I don't know what to do. I thought not to bother anymore and just let her manage with school which is what kids this age in my country do but the scope here scares me and makes me feel one has to be on ones toes. Is this so or am I paranoid now out of fear? Or do I get a tutor and see how it goes?

Thanks very much mrz but I have become overanxious because I felt ignorant and that I didnot know how to be involved...

Thank you very much everyone for taking the time to respond. I will speak with her teacher and hope I feel more confident about everything eventually.

Will still appreciate any tips though. Thank you

Thanks very much magicmummy!!!! I think we were posting at the same time. That is encouraging,really.

Seeker thanks very much. You echo what magic mummy said so I will have to do just that. Thanks I honestly feel better now,honest. Thanks!!!

Sammiez, I think it's very difficult to watch your child going through a "foreign" education system because it's often so different to what you're used to. Quite a lot of my friends are from overseas, and I think there is a tendency among them to be "over-anxious" about stuff, simply because they don't always know what is expected and they don't want their "foreign-ness" to be a handicap to their children in any way. Perfectly understandable if you ask me - I'm sure I'd be the same if I was sending my dd to school overseas.

All I can say is that most of them are fantastic parents whose kids are doing fabulously at school, so most of the anxiety is quite unnnecessary. It sounds to me like your dd is doing brilliantly as well, and if there are any problems, I'm sure that the teacher will alert you to them. So try to relax and enjoy it - and hopefully then your dd will enjoy it as well.

Magicmummy1 you have summarised my concerns perfectly! That on its own is a relief.

You know,we do not 'talk' to kids about 'stuff' in my country so always wonder what I am supposed to be talking to her about.
In a way,I am also relieved that other foreign parents feel the same.

Thank you so very much magicmummy1,seeker,Indigobell. And everyone else. Honestly,thank you all for responding to my post!

I do think talking to kids is really important - though my dd is such a chatterbox that we rarely get a word in! Hopefully listening is important too!

As for what to talk about, I don't think it really matters - quite often, you can just let her take the lead, or ask some open-ended questions and take it from there.

I talk to my dd about everything - what she has done at school that day, what I have done at work that day, who she has played with, what she wants for dinner, what she wants to do at the weekend, what she wants to do when she grows up, what she thinks of the floods in Pakistan or the orphans in Zimbabwe, whether she believes in witches! We talk about the the books that we have read, the films that we have seen, the games that she has played, the neighbour's cat! Anything that comes to mind, really, which happens to be of interest to one or both of us. And of course, that good old English favourite, the weather!!

I think the main thing is just to engage in conversation, and to take a real, genuine interest in what your daughter wants to say - about herself, about her friends, about her school, about the world. Don't worry if you're doing it right or not - just relax and enjoy her company! I'm sure she's delightful!

Wheredo you come from, sammiez?

I am from Africa.

We are Africans.

I will start to put talking with them into practice and hope I can keep at it. I really do hope so. I am so tired of feeling lost and agitated.

Sammiez, perhaps you could start by just chatting to your dd about schools in your home country, and asking her to tell you more about her school here in the UK. Let her know that you feel a bit ignorant about how things work here - children love to feel like they are the experts on something!!

Perhaps you could also chat more generally about your culture, the things you miss about it and the things that you like about living here - keeping it fairly positive, if you can, given that she has to live here whether she likes it or not!! You could ask her what she misses from home, too. My dd loves to listen to stories from her dad about how things were in his country when he was growing up - the things they did at school, the games they used to play, the special treats that they liked to eat etc.

I have lived overseas myself, and I know how hard it can be at times, but please do try not to see being "foreign" as a handicap in any way. I regard it as quite the opposite - an amazing gift, as your dd has the wonderful opportunity to grow up with two cultures, and to benefit from the very best bits of each. I know that my own daughter's life is all the richer for having access to her dad's culture as well as my own. :)

Magicmummy1 I wish I had someone like you in real life!!! We really would be better for it! Thanks for understanding and for being interested. You are indeed a magicmummy. Wish I had someone like you in Real Life!(sorry we are quite expressive where I come from so do please bear with me,please. Would have loved to say more but don't want to sacre you off!) but feel lighter now and haven't felt like this in a long time;just panic,fear,panic,fear...

I joined forums so I could learn about the culture here and how education works especially and I have learned A LOT! Sometimes somethings just scare me more given the kind of person I am (a worrier,I am sure you all know that now so somethings I read make me feel I am not doing enough for my dd and I feel frustratted and helpless.

Funnily enough, she loves talking about Africa and I suspect she likes showing off that she 'comes from' two places. Her dad is a dual citizen so she is also a British citizen.

You are wonderful! Loads of thanks and appreciation to you,seeker,Indigobell,everyone. You have saved me from going stark raving mad. I hope I can keep it up now.

Bless you, Sammiez, that's so sweet. Honestly speaking, I wish that I could do something to help in real life - you sound like you could do with a friend, and I know from personal experience how hard it can be to adapt to life in a different culture. And sadly, I know that the UK isn't the most welcoming of cultures either. :(

If it's any comfort, I think most parents wonder at times as to whether they're doing enough for their kids - I know I do! And of course, when you're living in a strange environment, without all the normal support networks that you'd have at home, those anxieties will be magnified. I'm sure it takes a huge amount of courage and optimism to get through sometimes!

It's great that your dd is so proud of her African heritage. My dd likes to boast about "having two countries" as well. In fact, OH offered to go into her school last year and talk about his culture, and some of the festivals etc, and he also taught the children a folk dance - fantastic fun, the teachers were thrilled and dd was really proud. Is this perhaps something that you could offer to your dd's school somehow? Lots of schools are very keen to "internationalise" the curriculum, and it might be a good way of getting involved in a positive way without having to worry about stuff? Just a thought, anyway!

You sound like you feel quite isolated here, I do hope that you're OK. Happy to chat any time. Take care :)

Thanks for still posting I am isolated. It has being so hard to feel settled(?) I have given up on that and just want the best for my kids so I can at least feel it is worthwhile.

Everywhere I kept reading about how important it was for kids to read. There wasn't so much fuss about reading back in my home country but I read a lot as a little girl. Now I wish I had left my daughter alone and not gotten so worked up about her education. I have put her off school work especially reading. I heard about visiting libraries and did that a lot during the holidays and she read loads. I read to her a lot too(a habit I am working hard at cultivating) so I think she is fed up of it.

Today,I got a note from her teacher saying that she needs to work on her reading,expression etc. She had good remarks about her expression in Reception so I think I have made her bored by nagging her about reading.

She finds reading boring so I thought to encourage her to read regularly whether she wanted to or not.

Is there anything I can do about this? If I back off and stop asking her to read and just chat generally will she be at least interested in trying again?

I am sorry honestly for going on and on... Please...

Also wanted to say that she can read quite well and one of the things her teacher said in the diary was that she has to work on reading faster. She is forever sounding words out. She knows quite a few by sight now but then she would sound a word like 'north' out 6x it appears in a book but knows 'everything' for example by sight. How can she be helped to read faster?

Read TO her. Make sure she seesn you reading - maybe sit and read books together, My dd and I used sometimes to go to a cafe for a drink and a cake and a read!

Try reading a page each of her school book - or take turns with the dialogue bits.

Amybe find a funny book and act it out together?

It sounds as if it's all become too much like hard work for her - time for some fun?

Thank you again seeker.

I am thinking of stopping anything reading related for now. I am under too much pressure and guilt right now because I know she has gone backwards in reading. At school now she is reading books that she read 'ages' ago and while I do not at all mind that she is reading those she has already read (as long as she is reading) I feel bad under the knowledge that it is my fault.

Today,she has just read her school book and I read a mag and no pressure from me. It is hard for me to look away when she substitutes a different sound and thereby mispronouncing the word. What should I do? Ignore or say something? I do not want to be too involved with her reading until I know I am helping the right way.

Hi sammiez. Glad you're still here. I'm sorry that you feel so isolated - my OH found it really difficult to settle in to life in the UK, and I don't think people here make it very easy, but it does seem to get better over time. Are you here in the UK on a permanent basis, or is it likely that you'll go back home at some point in the future? Do you have a support network of any sort around you - family, friends, people from your home country? I hope you're ok.

I think you're right to take a step back from the reading for a while, and I wouldn't worry too much if she gets things wrong occasionally - she will self-correct in time. But I would continue to read to her, if you can find something that she enjoys. And as seeker has said, let her see you reading and taking pleasure in it - I love reading myself, and so my dd has always seen it as something fun to do.

Perhaps when you've given her a bit of a breather and neither of you feel anxious about it any more, you could ask her if she'd like a magazine or something - ideally something that doesn't look like a school reading book! And maybe just let her browse through it on her own for a while so that there isn't any pressure.

If she does read to you, then I would focus on what she's getting right - you could comment on her reading a difficult word correctly, or putting in lots of appropriate expression. Don't go overboard - she doesn't want to feel that she is being judged on every word! But a few bits of judicious praise at the end might boost her confidence. Kids so want to please their parents, and if you're anxious about what she's doing wrong, she'll feel that she is letting you down. You want to enjoy it, so focus on the positive! :)

Maybe you could have a word with her teacher about your concerns, too, or send in a note? The teacher would then be aware of any confidence issues, and could help to build your dd back up again. Or she might help to put your mind at rest and help you see that you are probably worrying unnecessarily. :)

no, I don't think you should do hands off. I think parental involvement is pivotal for academic success but you need to take the tension out of it.

If having a tutor read to her, listen to her read, help with any maths concepts she hasn't got will give her confidence, it will be ok. Doesn't have to be cut-throat pressure tutoring. She is only small after all. Just sometimes it works better if it isn't the mum teaching.

A friend of mine was a university professor for English in her home country but she could not tutor her son in English. It was just too tense, perhaps her standards were too high and she expected him to learn more and faster than he did and in the end her dh advised her to employ someone else for it which worked better for them.

ZZZenAgain - I completely agree that parental involvement is pivotal for academic success, but if parent and child are both getting stressed out about stuff, it's counter-productive. Surely taking a breather for a while is one way of taking the tension out of it?

I agree that a tutor might be able to help in a less emotive way than an anxious parent, and in the long run, this might be a good solution. But it doesn't strike me as if tutoring is actually needed at present - sammiez's dd is only in year 1, and her EYFS scores would suggest that she is doing extremely well. Why would you want to tutor a child in those circumstances?

I certainly wasn't suggesting that sammiez abandon all attempts to be involved in her dd's education for the long term, because I think parental involvement does make a huge difference to children. However, I think she is right about perhaps backing off from the reading for a short period so that her dd doesn't feel too much under pressure. She can continue to read and talk to the dd, do stuff together etc. I honestly can't see how rushing to employ a tutor would help right now.

tutoring could be nothing more than a nice neighbour reading to and listening to her dd read

OK, fair enough - if sammiez has a nice neighbour or similar person to step into that role.

But I still wouldn't push her to read if she has developed a bit of a block about it and doesn't want to - I really believe that reading should be a joy and not a chore. And giving her a break for a few weeks really isn't going to do her a whole lot of damage - she'll still be reading in school, and she can pick it up gradually again at home when the stress has gone out of the issue.

I definitely think it would be worth talking to her teacher to let her know if you're going to take a step back - they might be able to get someone listen to her in school a bit more often for a while.

Magicmummy I am soooo glad you are still here!!!

Thanks a lot Zzzenagain(again!).

I do understand why you feel parental input is important ZZenagain but I am not doing it right!
I put in too much pressure on her. When I just got here about a year ago,we had no problems at all. Now my confidence in myself and in her has evaporated somwhow so I really need to back off for her sake at least. Then She'd read to me(her school books) and I had been told at her school to read to her too so I did that as often as I could. I didn't know about school books' levels so I was quite happy with her progress. She had very lovely expression,comprehension was great,etc.

I made her read all kinds of books during the holidays. We went to the library fortnightly. Bought some books recommended to me on here-Enid Blyton's Wishing chair,Faraway Tree,Mr Gum,etc and I read them to the kids. I'd read the newspaper,show her headlines etc.

Maybe she got tired of the word 'read'... Some of it didn't come naturally to me given my background so I had to try so hard to do some as often as I could. Sometimes I thought I was never read to as a kid and I loved reading so why bother? I am still wondering about that to be honest... Although to be fair,my mum used to read novels and my dad the newspaper;from what I have heard in this country that contributes.

Magicmummy, I know no one here yet. No support group or anything like that here. If there is,I haven't found them. I only know one other mum from school and we rarely get to meet up. I have asked about any African groups around us here at my local Surestart but there seems to be none.

I have sent in a note to her teacher and she has said we will discuss it this afternoon so I hope I can get something from that.

Thanks very much

Magicmummy1, Yes we are here on a permanent basis if by that you mean for a long time at least 10 or 15years? I am not on a visit visa anymore. I would like to go back right away if you ask me but my husband would not hear of it. I doubt he'd ever want to go back to Africa. I have become a sad,depressed person. I tried counselling and anti depressants but just gives me pseudo-lift. Because I felt 'no one' cared I decided to focus on the kids and ensure we had a happy life and with them doing great at school and having a better chance in life. Look where that has got me now! And that is why I need to stop so I can tell myself they are their own individuals and I shouldn't use them to make myself look/feel good.

I think your OH is very lucky he met someone like you to be honest. And your daughter too.

What kind of books or magazines do not look like reading books? I buy her a 'cbeebies' one but she won't read the instructions at first and then if she reads it doesn't understand most of the time. You know this was my original concern before the reading issue came up. I will talk to her teacher about that as well. Bless you MM1. Thanks for listening and being interested in what I have to say and to offer friendly advice.
Have a lovely day at work today!

I'm sorry you feel unhappy and out of place in the UK. I know how hard it is to not live where you would like to live and feel at sea with regard to the school system. It is very hard.

By the sounds of it, you have been doing great work with your dd and she has profited from it.

I can understand why you want to withdraw from her reading atm if you feel she has been put off and reading has become a stressful activity. I should think she loves being read to. Maybe the key is when you read to her to not read too much, read something exciting (daring girls, adventure) and not analyse it much.

Well done arranging to see the teacher. I hope she is nice and helpful and you feel more at peace in your mind after the talk.

Do you work outside the home Sammiez or would you have time to get involved with the school? If you could and would like to, it would give you more of an idea of the level the children are at and how it all works.

Coming late to this thread

I know how you feel, Sammiez, about feeling extra anxious to push your dd's learning because of being an outsider. I went through very much the same thing with my dd when she was the same age (I'm Swedish, so English is not my native language). In fact, I found I had to step for a bit, when dd was about this age, because the whole thing was getting impossibly tense.

What I did find helped was that I stopped making her read to me for a bit, but I did continue to read aloud to her, choosing stories that were more difficult, stories that she was able to understand but wouldn't have been able to read at that stage, stories chosen with no reference to the Key Stages, but simply because they were good stories that I thought she would enjoy. This took the pressure off for a bit, and helped us both to concentrate on what I think is the vital idea: reading as a source of pleasure. I also made a habit of talking to her about books that I enjoyed (insofar as suitable), telling her stories out of books that she probably wouldn't get to read for a long time. And I let her subscribe to a magazine, which she read without my input. I tried to keep it all apart from school if you see what I mean.

After a while, I went back to hearing her read, but kept sessions very short and tried to be fairly casual about them.

Eventually, dd's reading picked up, and by year 3 she was a perfectly competent reader. She is now 13 and has certainly read more than most undergraduates. And she loves it.

Ds is a bit of a trickier case, as he has got to the age of 10 and still doesn't really like reading and indeed finds it a bit of a struggle. But I am still reading aloud to him (yes, I know ), trying to share the best stories I know that would appeal to a boy of 10 and just hoping that one day he will find that he needs the excitement of a good story told in good prose so much that he can't do without it. And he gets a football magazine (which I wouldn't listen to if you paid me tbh, it's that dull, but it's what he likes, so he can read it). I've also had to accept that unlike dd, he is not naturally academically gifted, and this is not my letting him down; it's accepting him for who he is. Things will be harder for him, but I am still hoping he will eventually take away the gift that a love of reading is.

In your case, I would think about reading aloud, but reading aloud for pleasure, not related to school work. And of keeping a good stock of books at home for when she does want them. And of letting her see that reading is something you enjoy, and that other adults enjoy.

But most importantly, you need to look after yourself. You do sound as if you need it. If there aren't any African clubs going, is there anything else you could be doing, just to get out of the house and meet people? A course in something? A book club? Anywhere you could be going regularly, meeting other people and developing an interest of your own?