Reception and homework, very upset ds

[rebl]

I posted the other day about reading words that are being sent home. My poor ds is in bed crying his eyes out over these words. Yesterday he just didn't "get it" with his words. 3 words were sent home yesterday. Today he's been sent home with those 3 words and 2 more. He got them out himself to do but started crying straight away saying it was too hard. So I said it didn't matter, we would do them tomorrow as he was tired and he cried even more saying he was meant to learn the words . The poor boy can't even retain what the 5 words are let alone read them. He's been crying on and off all evening about these words . Crying about school being so hard . He's in bed crying now and refusing to sleep saying he needs to learn his words. We've tried getting them back out but he then just cries that he can't read them. The poor boy is just 4 and he's deaf. This isn't a good start. I don't understand why they're piling the pressure on so soon, he's only done 4 half days and we're at this already.

sorry
"sight words"
i mean teaching them to recognise whole words by the shape, rather than teaching them methodically via phonics so that they can decode the words properly

When did he start school?
Why on Earth is the teacher sending home words -at--all-this early?

Sorry but the teacher clearly doesn't understand small children (or how to teach children to read)

This has actually made me cry. Your poor, poor little boy. :(

No child should be made to feel like this at any stage in their school career, but least of all when they have only just started school. Quite apart from the fact that he is deaf, he is still very, very young and lots of small boys are not ready to start reading at that stage. And if he doesn't know the alphabet properly yet, then it's ridiculous to expect him to start learning words.

My dd finished reception last year, but none of the children brought home reading books until after Christmas (even though quite a few could read well before starting school) and we never once had spellings in reception at all. The only books we brought home during the first term were explicitly intended as books for the parents to read to the children. I think this low-key approach is the best way in reception, as children shouldn't be put under so much pressure when they're still trying to settle in and get used to the whole thing.

Give him lots and lots of hugs, and tell him not to worry about it.

I am shocked, truly I am

DS2 started reception this week and he is exhausted and a bit overwhelmed by it all. He would be pushed well over the edge if he had to learn words from the word go. And those words . I could, at a push, understand it if it was words like mat, cat etc or even their on words, but the ones he's been given seem hard imo.

yesterday I have spoken to the teacher since starting this post. When I originally posted I hadn't spoken to the school and I had a very upset ds who thought he was meant to learn these words. Even at breakfast this morning he thought that. I spoke to the teacher when I dropped off. No, she can't have assessed all the children but then why pile the pressure on to 4yr olds until you have assessed. Another week or so isn't going to make a difference in learning to read but piling the pressure on could and has put him off.

mrz He started school on Monday, so words sent home on day 3.

rebl I totally agree that the teacher shouldn't have sent any words home with the children until they had all been assessed - this seems like simple common sense to me.

Surely children learn best when they feel that they are succeeding, and it can't be a good strategy to make them feel like failures within the first week!! I feel so angry on behalf of your poor little boy - I hope he is feeling better about things now.

[shakes head] the woman is clearly an idiot!

YOur poor son. HOmework in reception for god's sake. The first books my son got in reception had no words in them (Oxford Reading Tree). He just had to talk about what he thought was happening in the pictures.

rebl, yes, i realise that and i posted further down before the update and was as shocked as everyone else.

it'll just be one of those things they do because some children are ready for it, and it's just getting used to what happens at school and having some words to look at

i agree that it should have been made clear to the children and parents that there was absolutely no pressure, and i honestly do feel for your little boy as he clearly got so upset about it

i think the school are dealing with it well though now, don't you?

Re: ToD
It's difficult. With more and more HI students in mainstream school the peripatetic ToDs are really struggling.

If the ToD input is being reduced that much, if your DS was mine I'd be wanting to know:

i. Will DS be able to access phonics based literacy education with the same ease as any other child?

ii. How can this be improved?

www.cypnow.co.uk/news/ByDiscipline/Health/1027612/Deaf-children-face-teaching-inequality/

did the teacher seem at all upset that your ds was so upset - that she (inadvertently at best) has given him (and you) such a negative experience of school in his very first week?

Obviously it would be good if there were special training, but at the very least I would expect someone to be caring, no matter if the child was deaf, or finding reading difficult, or just finding the school environment difficult. What I'm getting at is that I think the fact your ds is deaf is almost immaterial - the fact he is so upset for any reason is a cause for concern.

Sorry, I'm not a teacher (an escapee from a family of teachers!), but I know that any decent teacher would be really concerned to hear about your ds's reaction to his first week. I'm so cross! I do hope things improve.

Uh? They are sending reception children home with reading words? At DS's school they learnt letters for the first term, unless they were clearly ahead with reading.

Could it be that as he has hearing difficulties they are trying to find an alternative strategy to phonics? If that were the case it would seem a bit odd that they hadn't discussed it with you though.

**

Oh, hang on - just read rest of your posts

"oh, maybe he's not ready to learn to read yet. I'll spend some time with him"

what???????? who is this woman?

mrz Thanks for that link. I saw the report, it was sent to me direct as a member of NDCS.

Stickyfingers No, she didn't seem upset. For instance on Tuesday when I said to her that ds had said he couldn't hear in the classroom and it was too noisy she said "what does he expect?" . I didn't know what to say to that, he hasn't got a clue what to expect, he's reception year and been in a classroom for 1 half day! When I said to her on Friday that ds was so upset she said "oh, maybe he's not ready to learn to read yet. I'll spend some time with him". Not anything like sympathy or anything tbh.

Things have since escalated and I've been too upset to post until today. She brought him out on Friday and in front of all the parents waiting proceeded to tell me how horrible my ds had been towards a particular child (H), hitting and pushing H all morning. It was humiliating for both me and my ds. I asked if he was provoked and she said no. My ds was unable to talk, he was so upset. All he could say was "because I did". What he says when he knows he's done something but is too stressed to find the words. It took me nearly an hour before he could talk to me and tell me what happened. He says H was coming from behind and putting dough on his head and scaring him. My ds wouldn't know that the child was behind him. I'm not saying he should have hit or pushed but it was an instinct, in his eyes he was attacked from behind in a surprise attack.

I've since spoken to the HT about the situation and she has called meeting for 8am on Monday morning. My ds was screaming and trashing around completly inconsolable until 10pm last night. I couldn't even hold him, he has been pushed passed his limit.

"what does he expect?"

At the meeting, I would politely and sympathetically ask the teacher "what do you expect?".

I think you really need to get a feel for how ignorant/knowledgable she is about how your son is likely to experience the classroom and what provisions she is putting in place to help him.

I've been in contact with NDCS helpline as well. They have been fantastic and put loads of information in the post for me yesterday and it arrived today. There is a school pack which contains books on teaching deaf children in ms school, a DVD on deaf children in ms schools, teaching phonics and reading to deaf children. They've also sent me details on how the teacher or senco can join ndcs for free and then get their resources and advice for free. The DVD was very eye opening, even to me who thought she understood the problems my child faced. There was a classroom sound simulation on it and is horrendous. Its not surprising ds is struggling because he doesn't even have the same uptodate technology that is in these simulations.

I'm getting a list together of what I'm wanting from the meeting. What I want to see on his API and IEP. I am starting with the basic home/school diary. Something she's refused even though its on his API. I'm going to say that I want him to be pre-tutored and that to begin with I am happy to do this but she needs to provide the information to me that makes this possible. I am going to say that I don't mind what method she chooses to teach ds to read but that it must be multi-sensory supported, most importantly visually supported. I'm also going to give her a list of warning signs that things are getting too much for him (head banging, hitting himself, poking his eyes, shouting no no no)

I've also written down the very calm, casual conversation I had with ds today.

me: are you happy at school?
ds: sometimes
me: when are you happy?
ds: in the sand.
me: when are you unhappy?
ds: in the classroom.
me: Why aren't you happy in the classroom?
ds: Its too noisy, I can't hear.
Me: you can't hear your teacher or your friends?
ds: My friends
me: How do you feel with your friends in the classroom?
ds: Tired, sad and sometimes angry
me: But you can hear your teacher?
ds: No. Other children are noisy and banging the floor. I want to hear her story.
me: what would make you happier at school
ds: Make it quiet. Mummy I want to hear my friends.

So short but very clear. If he can't hear then how is he ever going to learn?

I think she's poorly trained even though she's had ToD delivered training. I can't hold poor training against her but I can try and educate her a bit. I want to try and make this work, believe.

I 'm here opening and shutting my mouth... how long has she been a reception teacher? Has she never had a child who has found the transition difficult? And yes, sometimes children will get aggressive, especially when they're stressed by something (even without provocation, tho it doesn't sound like that was the case here). Everyone whose ever had a child knows that. Of course I would expect her to try to stop that behaviour, of course I would expect her to tell you - but in front of all the other parents ... she sounds so unsuitable to be a reception teacher.

I'm so sorry you're having such an awful time. We had a pretty bad time with reception teacher and dd1 (tho not as bad, but the humiliation at home time was something that happened to her too, so I do really sympathise). If it's any comfort, dd1 is now starting y2, and last year with a different teacher was a totally different experience, so much better. I think we were lucky that dd1 is sort of in her own world a lot of the time, and perhaps is less sensitive than your ds. I would be so angry in your shoes, but obviously the thing to do is sort it out rather than have a blazing row. I hope the meeting on Monday is productive.

I'm sending lots of supportive vibes your way in any case!

this is really bad

you are obviously doing all the right things, and thank goodness your son has a such an articluate advocate, but I am really shocked.

The "what does he expect" comment is unbelievable, as is dragging your ds out in front of other parents. This is so far beyond acceptable behavior. I am a teacher btw.

I can't fathom teachers who seem to so dislike children, or who think that humiliation is a good learning tool

I have read this in shock too, outrageous behaviour from the teacher (an ex-teacher myself).

I really hope you get some satisfaction tomorrow.
I also hope something changes drastically for your poor DS so he can like school, what a rotten start :(

Is there another reception class, could he move? Would you go as far as to consider moving schools?

humphrey She really has no idea I think. I just don't get it all at all.

Swimming There is no choice on moving class, its a tiny school, its a mixed year group class (reception and yr 1). This is the biggest intake they've ever had though and been forced over their numbers by a computer error at admissions. I would consider moving schools if I had to but my dd wouldn't cope with that so I would end up with children in different schools and the next nearest school is 5miles away.

Not all schools are like this! Not all teachers are like this.

Good luck.

Ok so it looks like you will have to work with this school (& teacher) to get it sorted.

Have you considered contacting your local councillor with responsibility for education? Maybe after the meeting if it doesn't go well (hope it does of course).

The ignoring of basics like his API is worrying and needs sorting & reinforcing from somebody more senior, hopefully the HT can do this but if not the school needs to be told it must deal appropriately with your DS.
Such a shame the ToD visits have been cut, can you somehow pester somebody for more?

huge sympathy, must be awful for you to see him finding school such a nightmare.

can I ask a silly question, what is an API?

good luck with the meeting tomorrow.

Does the school have any experience of inclusion? The problem of noise levels in a mixed-age group is going to be pretty hard to fix, I'd have thought.