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OK, maybe I'm a snob...

81 replies

minko · 06/09/2010 11:20

We've moved house recently and took DD to her new school this morning. The school had given me a reasonably good impression, it's small, the kids and staff seemed friendly... but having seen the parents in the playground I am frankly appalled. One mum had no teeth! I know I should give it a chance and all that but I just felt we were in the wrong place. We pass a lovely school which is very highly regarded on the 1.2 mile drive to DD's school, which we are on the waiting list for but only 14th (though each year has an intake of 120). Everyone going there looked lovely and wholesome...

Is it possible to appeal to the nearer school (which is less than mile from our house)?? What can we do??? We moved house because the school situation was difficult where we lived before. There it was be Catholic or suffer...

I know I am a snob and am going to get a bollocking on here. But I just don't feel like I'm going to fit in. I know no-one in our new town and was hoping school would help provide me with a new network of friends but it's not looking hopeful.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
StarlightMcKenzie · 06/09/2010 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

rabbitstew · 06/09/2010 13:37

I am with you minko - you should be able to air views like this on an anonymous forum; it is not a mutual appreciation society. I am also with you that it would be nice to be able to make friends through the school. I would be very surprised if it turned out that there was no parent at the school with whom you could establish a friendship, and via them hopefully make a few more friends, though. The most important thing is that your dd is happy at the school.

Also, do bear in mind that the most loving parents do not universally come in the best packaging!!! And good friends do not have to come from the same social class or academic background. It wasn't until I went to university that I met other people with similar academic interests to me, but I made fantastic friends at primary and secondary school who were funny, fun to be with, kind and generous. And believe me, there are fat, smelly, toothless people out there who are also kind, generous and funny.

rabbitstew · 06/09/2010 13:44

mine...

moomaa · 06/09/2010 13:50

minko, I understand where you are coming from but there will be people that you have something in common with. Our local school had mixed reports, especially about what the other mums in the playground were like(!) but everyone I actually knew that sent their child there was a decent sort that I happily passed time with. I ducked the whole situation and moved house but I suspect it would have worked out alright if I had stayed. Stay on the waiting list for the other school and see how it goes.

civil · 06/09/2010 17:24

Our school playground can look a bit like this and there are few professional parents.

However, parenting values are generally universal; most parents love their children and want the best for them.

As for finding friends - well it can often be easy to make friends quickly with people 'like you'. However, if you dig a bit deeper and stay around a while, you will find people to be friends with, and the friendships might be that much stronger and deeper.

It's probably a good idea to make friends through your own activities, not just through the playground. Try knitting or book groups!

If you've moved to a small city in the west, get in touch!

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 06/09/2010 17:27

What do you mean "be Catholic or suffer"

civil · 06/09/2010 17:30

DinahRod has also got a good point;

It's the loud, naughty or shouty types that stand out. In the background are the quiet ones!

I love witnessing the hierarchy of school 'poshness'.

My dds school is utterly rejected by the chattering classes but now the school is the town preference for polish people who haven't worked out that it's not 'posh'.

There are other nervous parents who utterly reject one school, only for it to be colonised by other parents rejecting their own nearest school.

It seems to be that 'to be a good parent' you have to put lots of thought into choosing a school and 'reject' your nearest so that you can spend a dutiful hour in the car going to a different one.

EleFunTess · 06/09/2010 17:38

You want to move schools on the basis of a mum with no teeth? Are you a bit dim?

zanzibarmum · 06/09/2010 17:42

Get over it... she won't bite

kittywise · 06/09/2010 17:44

LOL LOL @ all the examples of toothless but intelligent and mild mannered people, excellentGrin

minko · 06/09/2010 17:44

Ok, been back to pick up and tried to look more objectively. Failed miserably I'm afraid. Must try harder... There's definitely no 'hierarchy of poshness', though some look more approachable than others.

DD's previous school was Catholic and was I suppose quite posh. When I mean be Catholic or suffer' I meant that you either were Catholic or pretended to be so (quite a popular choice) or had to go to one of the two schools under Special Measures in the area.

OP posts:
teameric · 06/09/2010 17:49

minko I see where your coming from, yes it might sound snobbish and unPC but at least your honest.

Madascheese · 06/09/2010 18:00

It doesn't sound snobbish, it is snobbish.

Since we're saying it like it is.

It's up to you if you choose not to get to know people on the basis of how they look, of course it is.

Judging on your first day, let alone your first and second sight of people must be a lonely way to live.

You'll find it even harder to make friends if you want them to fit formula you've invented..

rabbitstew · 06/09/2010 18:09

If the children are friendly and well behaved, their parents can't be that bad!

teameric · 06/09/2010 18:21

ok yes it is snobbish.
I know you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, and I usually give people the benefit of the doubt, its just that 9 times out of 10, my first impression was the right one.

minko · 06/09/2010 18:52

Likewise Teameric...

OP posts:
bullethead · 06/09/2010 18:59

Surely she had SOME teeth??

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 06/09/2010 19:00

Private school is the perfect solution if you don't want to mix with poor people Wink

rabbitstew · 06/09/2010 19:04

Yes, but private school is not the perfect solution if you don't want to mix with common people, foreigners, criminals and drug addicts Wink.

Sammiez · 06/09/2010 19:08

LOL bullethead

WoodyAllen · 06/09/2010 19:11

Hang on. I didn't realise these people were actually poor. How modern.

helencw77 · 06/09/2010 19:25

My ds has a new girl in his class, maybe she's yours........ Our school is quite small and I struggled during the whole of last year to convince myself that both he, and I, would fit in. The school has a good Ofsted, the staff are lovely, but a lot of the parents looked/seemed very "couldn't care less" shall we say.

Fast forward a year, my ds had a fab year, his classmates are lovely and he did so well. The other parents are lovely, even if some of them are a bit scary, and generally, I wouldn't change his school for anything, I'm glad he didn't get any of his choices and ended up there. He ran out of school today saying that Y1 was the best year in the school etc etc, he is so glad to be back there.

As long as a school gives every child the opportunity to reach their full potential, then even the less academically inclined will blossom and behave, just because they enjoy school so much. I would say that in his class of 23, maybe about another 2 are on his level academically (he's bright, but not a genius), but they are lovely, lovely, children, it just took me a while to figure it out.

So, although I do understand your reservations, give it a chance !! (and note, I am a "professional parent" but often turn up at the school gets with child snot on my shoulder/in my trackies/letting my 2 year old eat a lolly at 8:45 in the morning..........)

missbeehiving · 06/09/2010 19:44

PMSL at Hully.

I think that you need to focus your attention on the happiness of your DS and to step away from the teeth.

WoodyAllen · 06/09/2010 19:49

But there are no teeth. It's the other mum who has already stepped away from her teeth. How do you know? Did she grin at you? If so at least she is friendly. Maybe she just couldn't be bothered. I sometimes forget my false eyelashes and go out without my Spanx. It happens.

rabbitstew · 06/09/2010 19:49

Even the woman concerned stepped away from her teeth, after all.

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