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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

A sad child in my class

48 replies

wakarimasen · 28/08/2010 17:05

I am a teacher and teach in infants. I have just started with my new class and have a little boy who poses very "challenging" behavior; shouting out, disobeying intructions and bothering other children during teaching time. Anyway I have been very firm with him up until now but I am starting to get a better picture of the poor boy's home life. His Mum sent him to live with an aunt when he was very young and essentially said she didn't want him anymore and that her sister could "keep him".

His aunt is not great with him and often shouts / leaves him to fend for himself (so I hear from previous teacher). So I know that he obviously feels very unwanted and confused (he's only 5) and I wondered if any teachers / mums out there can give me advice to help this child settle in school. To make hime feel like he is cared for at school at least? I dont want him to start off school being in trouble all the time as I think he will very quickly begin to hate school too.... Its a tough one

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MaryMotherOfCheeses · 28/08/2010 17:08

No advice but I think it's good he's got a lovely supportive teacher who wants to help. Will he just settle down with your support? maybe that school structures will really help him when he gets used to them.

Poor kid.

Giddyup · 28/08/2010 17:14

I am sure just having someone who cares about him will be a great help, poor little lad

deaddei · 28/08/2010 17:15

Maybe discuss with the head- are there neglect concerns?

rainbowinthesky · 28/08/2010 17:16

I suggest you start a book where you keep notes of any concerns with dates and details.

mrz · 28/08/2010 17:16

I think you need to speak to your CP/Safeguarding designated person

Original poster

wakarimasen · 28/08/2010 17:20

I've onlu had him for a few days as we recently returned after the holidays. He is under the supervision of social workers so we keep regular contact with them. It's just more the support he needs in school and how I can help him settle and be happy in the environment (while trying to keep the class in oder for the other children).

My HT is well used to these kind of situations and while sympatheic doesn't have much to say about helping him socially and emotionally.

OP posts:

BoysAreLikeDogs · 28/08/2010 17:29

you need to follow your CP procedures

ptangyangkipperbang · 28/08/2010 17:32

Why not give him a special job so that he knows he is a valued member of the class? At home he might just be seen as a nuisance but at school he has the chance to become his own person. Lunchbox trolley pusher? Register monitor?

If you have enough resources in your class a bit of 1 to 1 time would probably benefit him. Even if it's just reading a story or doing a jigsaw he'll know he's special.

Fayrazzled · 28/08/2010 17:34

You sound like a lovely teacher. I think you need to continue to offer him firm boundaries so he knows what behaviour is acceptable and not. But don't humiliate him when he gets it wrong- firm but fair, I think.

Could you perhaps find him a little job to do? Something that is just his and that you can give him praise for doing? It sounds like his self- esteem and confidence need building. And without singling him out, just have a little chat with him, offer him encouragement, take an interest in him.

Good luck.

IndigoBell · 28/08/2010 18:15

What about the oldie about putting him in charge of behaviour of his table? (or whatever). Ie X I know I can trust you to make sure all the other kids behave while we do Y?

I also agree with the 1:1 - preferably by the same adult. I know some schools have different people reading with kids every day, but if at least a TA or someone can have regular time with him it'd be a start?

And just lots of compliments and praise?

And try and encourage a friendship with someone caring?

And lots of circle time / SEAL work?

SaliMali1 · 28/08/2010 18:49

I think sticked boundries and expectations in school may well help this child in the short term as he will get to know what is expected of him.

I think if you can (hard in a class situation) your special time to talk, bond etc this may well help him.

Do you do a SEAL or DINA School programme?

Do you have any support in the class who could have the class say for a story while you chat/play with him?

His behaviour souds like a natural response to his situation.

Has he seen a ED psyc? or a mediation person?

SaliMali1 · 28/08/2010 18:51

with childrne with behaviour issues often over praise and distraction can turn behavuiour.

Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby · 28/08/2010 19:16

As someone else suggests, you could try the SEAL programme (Rainbow). It would also be good to know if he has a support worker/Social worker who works with his family, as they might be already supporting his behaviour in some way. It would be good to act consistently.

I would certainly crack down on unwanted/inappropriate behaviours. Boundaries will eventually help him feel more stable, and so ensuring he has support to stick to the class rules is very important. Like the other suggest, give him a job or something that makes him feel valued, particularly if he IS exhibiting inappropriate behaviours. Just don't make it linked to his behaviour (i.e don't take the job away if he misbehaves, use whatever other sanction you have i your class). I realise this can be a good thing, and I imagine there are other things you can link to good/bad behaviour. I just think it sounds like this kid needs something that is his no matter what.

I'd also use the tactic of praise when you can, but link it approriately. Sometimes children with behaviours like this don't actually like praise and it can make them kick off even more (have known children tear up work because someone told them it was good). So instead of praise in the broad sense, I'd go for reinforcing his rule following/instruction following/listening skills etc etc. So well done, you listened to what I asked you to do, can I put it up on the board as an example for others? if a piece of work is what you might call good, just make sure he sees you treat the other children in the same way.
In other words, don't single him out for praise, just make sure he gets it where he can.

Sorry went off on one there.

I think you are a fantastic teacher to be so involved in the welfare of your students!

Lynli · 28/08/2010 19:27

I know a boy who was in a similar situation. He was adopted and his adopted mother could not cope with him, so she gave him to her sister.

This boy has had terrible problems and got into trouble with the police as a teenager.

I think you are so right to want to intervene at this point.

I agree with the suggestions of others about praise.

Is there any way you can get the aunt on side and work on something with her to improve their relationship, as she is a constant in his life and you will probably not be his teacher next year.

It is so nice to see there are teachers who care so much.

Shaz10 · 28/08/2010 19:30

Do you have a nurture group at school? He sounds like an ideal candidate.

Attenborough · 28/08/2010 19:30

Following MrsD - sometimes children who can't deal with direct praise can cope if it's delivered indirectly - for example, you saying to another adult in his hearing "Bobby worked so hard on his colouring today, I was very pleased". Much less pressure for him to respond, which can sometimes be a trigger for stress and poor behaviour.

ThatDamnDog · 28/08/2010 19:32

DS is only 3 and just started at the local primary school's nursery. Knowing there are teachers out there who not only notice but want to take an active role in helping is just wonderful. :)

I don't know much about this sort of thing at all, but the first thing that strikes me is that what's missing in this boy's life is an adult he can trust and have a special relationship with. I wonder if there's a teaching assistant or learning support type person who could take on this role?

Are there any community-based services where you could find someone who could befriend him? I've heard about SureStart and HomeStart but don't know much about their remit, or even maybe the NSPCC could advise?

It sounds like he just needs, more than anything, a friend :(

sungirltan · 28/08/2010 19:49

if he has a sw as you say you can always contact them. not to report concerns but to have a general chat/catch up. you could invite thw sw for a quick meeting - see if they are doing any direct work with him (exercises to either facilitate talking about trauma or to address a behaviour issue)

sw are really busy but often appreciate being invited for a cup of tea and an 'ok this is where we are at - where are you?' chat.

good for you though

Original poster

wakarimasen · 28/08/2010 20:03

thanks for all the comments. I have some good pointers to start off with. I'll let you know how it goes.....

OP posts:

Acanthus · 28/08/2010 20:16

One unhappy boy at my DSs school (though he was older and in KS2) was given a special job - ringing the lunch bell. He did it every day and he was given a little award at the end of the year. Something like that?

Over40 · 28/08/2010 21:06

Does he get breakfast? I only ask as if his carer is less than keen to have him, getting him to school and feeding him can often be seen as a real pain and they don't bother with the food. Coming to school hungry is never a good start.
To be honest I would have a chat with your head in her/his role as child protection officer for the school and express your concerns. This is the first step to getting the family additional help and the earlier it happens the better the results.

sydenhamhiller · 28/08/2010 22:15

OP - just wanted to say I love your name! Were you a 'JET' participant by any chance? :o) My kids used to say 'wakaran' to most of my English questions... Have just had a huge wave of nostlagia!

Good luck with this little boy, he is lucky to have you this school year.

moajab · 28/08/2010 22:38

I would recomend remaining firm over his behaviour but praise him to the skies for any positive behaviour, work he's put an extra effort into etc. I like the suggestions other people have made about giving him a special job to do. Also worth taking the opportunity to let him show something positive to the class, like a painting or lego model for example. He may not be getting much attention from his aunt - perhaps only when he's naughty, so you need to prove to him that he can get attention for good behaviour and achievements. Good luck!

IAPJJLPJ · 29/08/2010 12:22

hi. My son to be blunt is a PITA at school and had a dreadful yr1. The teacher was rubbish too though which didnt help. Yr 2 started the same way until the teacher said she could see he wasnt "bad" and set things up to help him conform.

He was disruptive during carpet time as he wouldnt sit still and so he now sits on a chair with the LSA next to him and all the children rotate sitting on a chair next too him (so he isnt singled out). He also has a small peice of choclate from the teacher at the end of the day as reward from having a good day. He also has the "responsibility" of removing the pictures from the class calender (this enables him to see what is coming up next). He also has a designated place in the class line up

Original poster

wakarimasen · 29/08/2010 16:37

Thanks so much for all the replies. It is difficult to cope with this sort of behaviour when you have 25 other kids to look after. I have a FT auxilliary but she is there to support another child. Anyway I am going in with a new approach next week and with a sincere attempt at making a difference for this boy.

sydenhamhiller I didn't do the JET programme but took Japanese lessons for a recent holiday. The name is apt for my current state of affairs regarding TTC

Thanks again

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