A sad child in my class

[wakarimasen]

I am a teacher and teach in infants. I have just started with my new class and have a little boy who poses very "challenging" behavior; shouting out, disobeying intructions and bothering other children during teaching time. Anyway I have been very firm with him up until now but I am starting to get a better picture of the poor boy's home life. His Mum sent him to live with an aunt when he was very young and essentially said she didn't want him anymore and that her sister could "keep him".

His aunt is not great with him and often shouts / leaves him to fend for himself (so I hear from previous teacher). So I know that he obviously feels very unwanted and confused (he's only 5) and I wondered if any teachers / mums out there can give me advice to help this child settle in school. To make hime feel like he is cared for at school at least? I dont want him to start off school being in trouble all the time as I think he will very quickly begin to hate school too.... Its a tough one

I agree with Shaz re. Nurture provision. Is there a nurture group at your school? You could also do some reading about Attachment Disorder, and the Nurture Network.

' he now sits on a chair with the LSA next to him and all the children rotate sitting on a chair next too him (so he isnt singled out). He also has a small peice of choclate from the teacher at the end of the day as reward from having a good day.'

..well that's all very nice ,but please try to remember you have 24 other children in the class who are generally better behaved than him.What message are you sending to them when the 'naughtiest boy in the class' gets to sit on the chair and have chocolate everyday?
I can tell you.Even the youngest child cottons on to this double standard very quickly.They begin to see school as unfair.So whilst you are giving that one child a nice warm safe feeling of being loved you are sending 24 others the opposite message.

I think it would be important for this child to have a named adult in school which he can develop a close relationship with. This could be you, or a TA or the SENCO. He could be encouraged to check in with this adult every day, albeit very briefly - someone who can make a point of welcoming him to school every morning (when you might be too busy with your class), someone who he can go and tell his news to etc. This person could also be the one to help him to calm down or talk through problems that arise but this kind of discussion should not be the main focus of the relationship. Sounds like he needs to know that someone in school is really on his side and he will learn this by someone having a realy interest in him.

Hmm I'm not sure brassband whether the other kids would think it unfair. Or rather there are many unfairnesses IYSWIM. I think most children can often see that these strategies are to help those children that are struggling.

In the same way as a child struggling with reading would get extra help too. I can certainly remember children being treated differently at my school and for the most part I can remember there was usually an obvious reason behind it (academic or behavioural difficulties).

BTW some of the behavioural ones I can remember at the time knowing the children came from unhappy or challenging backgrounds.

Hope the lad in your class Wakarimasen is OK, you sound very caring.

extra reading isn't seen as a treat- chocolate and the special chair are.i am surprised you don't think other children don't mind because IME they do!

Its working towards meeting that INDIVIDUAL child's needs. I did express my concerns about him having extra rewards but that is what they wanted to do -and it has worked.

BY the way he is the youngest in the class - and at one point the whole school. He is also one of the brightest in the class and so doesn't get the one-2-one that the others get (Or their rewards for meeting their own INDIVIDUAL targets).

His own personal targets were set by the autistic team due to the possibility of him having asphergers.

When he has himself commented on the rewards that others get or the one-2-one they get I remind him that everyone needs help in different ways and has targets for different things.

If other parents have an issue with it then I have never heard this. I think they will be more glad that the teacher can now get on with her job of teaching as oppose to trying to sort my son out who is disrupting the class.

Wow he gets chocolate? I have never heard of this before, i am an LSA and that is quite unusual.

I'd say this kid has a chaotic home life and tests every adult to the limit. In fact, it's probably crap.

School is his haven. At least he's being spoken to there - even if it is telling off. That's all he knows. He thinks that's whats normal.

Set up situations where he can get praised for the good stuff. I'll bet his self esteem is non existant.

If you have a TA available who needs 'help' with a job (wink wink) who can at the same time take some time to talk to him and get to know him a bit better that would be good.

I'd also agree with the breakfast comment. We have kids at school who come in without breakfast - and grubby. We raid the staffroom biscuit tin for them.

Theochris - at my DDs' school, children with special needs who have a "good day" are often seen outside kicking a football around with a TA at the end of the day. Which is seen as a reward - and also has the advantage of letting them run off some steam while the others enjoy a nice, calm story! Would that work instead of chocolate, which I agree must be seen as pretty unfair by the rest of the class.

There was a problem at my dcs school with a similar child who was very disruptive. Initally the approach was to tell him off etc and he quickly became peceived by parents and children as the naughty child. A much more positive strategy was then adopted with the child being rewarded for managing to stay quiet rather than told off for not managing it. He had his own sticker chart and the teacher spent a minute with him at the end of the day deciding whether he should get a sticker or not. In class it was openly discussed that some children needed help to listen and it was a skill just like reading.

Sure you know all of this anyway as you sound like a great teacher, but the affect it had on the child was marked.

Brassband -- tough! I say this as parent to one very disruptive schoolhater and one extreme goody-twoshoes, who complains vocally about 'bad boys getting rewards'. I've asked her who she thinks enjoys school more, her or them? She gets the point.

Interestingly, she is entirely sympathetic to her own brother's problems but hasn't extended it to see that other children might have reasons for 'badness'. But that's because she's a smalll child and needs to be taught.

Just wanted to second IAPJJLPJ's comments about rewards being given for individual's reaching their goals.

IME DCs fully understand that even though their piece of work was two A4 sides and perfectly presented, when someone who really, really struggles manages half a dozen lines that are, for the first time, almost legible, then that person deserves a reward. Or that they find it easy to behave all day, but that others don't, and that when the ones who struggle do well that they deserve praise or reward.

DCs also get rewarded for being supportive of others.

Meant to say - I wouldn't have a problem with a DC being given chocolate if it was working. If ds had an issue with it, I'm confident that I'd be able to make him understand the reasoning, too.

"so a picture of him sitting nicely on the carpet/ putting his hand up before hespeaks/ and put it on a little poster next to his peg or soething so he can see and be reminded thathe does know how to behave."

am liking this idea!!

Another tactic that the autistic team did suggest was to have little laminated cards on the table in front of him with pictures and words like - listening, hand up, sitting etc and the teacher will gently tap them when walking past if he needs a reminder of what he should be doing

Yes I also like to photo idea! I think giving chocolates out would be a no-no since our school is a "health promoting school" I also agree it sends the wrong message to the others (there a fair few boys who have behaviour issues too!). I am going to speak to my HT about us setting him up with another member of staff or perhaps a senior pupil to act as a buddy.

Lots of good ideas here....

As well as the above points ,i think the chocolate thing is too close to bribery!

But you could then argue that giving extra playtime is bribery .

Anything reward based can be twisted round to become bribery. It more of a case as to what is classed as more socially acceptable - and food based "rewards" are not. But my son doesn't like football and it isn't practical for just him to be allowed out for extra play.

brassband, the other 24 children in the class are probably already loved, wanted and nutured - at home. This kid's already having to make do with second best. You can't let a five year old's perception of events and situations dictate how you repond to a distressed child.

As a teacher you should be able to refer directly to local CAMHS where he should get to see a psychologist / psychotherapist who could help with what looks to be significant and long term problems. Speak to SW and see if he's ever been referred there. If not perhaps have a meeting with his SW and guardian to discuss what you plan to do. GP should probably be informed by SW. Obviously for him to get proper help his guardian would need to be involved to some degree but CAMHS team should work on that.

Yes you can. You do need permission from the parent but you could refer him for behavioural problems, explaining to the parents how you "understand" how hard it is for them and this may help them with him....i.e make them think its all for their benefit!

One teacher I worked with set up a system for a disruptive year 1 pupil where he got a smiley face on his chart every time he was 'caught doing the right thing' When he had x number of smiles he could choose a reward for the entire class to share. These were things like;
an episode of Kerwhizz on iplayer on friday afternoon
10 mins extra playtime/golden time for the class
A small biscuit each at break time
Going into lunch first

The entire class had a vested interest in x being supported in doing the right thing. Obviously there was no punishments or sense of him having failed them in any way if he was having a bad day, they simply shared in his reward when he reached his target.

I wasn't entirely sure about this approach but it worked for x. He felt valued & accepted by the class. When you get to know him better you'll find an approach that suits him too

I had a 5 year old like this in my class last year.

To help him on the carpet, I sat him right next to me and had a jar under my chair. Every time I saw him sitting nicely and listening, I just put a marble in the jar. I wouldn't say anything or make eye contact with him - I often didn't even pause from what I was saying. Only he and I knew what it meant. If he got 10 marbles in the jar over the day he would be allowed to choose a friend to spend 5 minutes on the cbeebies website with the following morning.

We also tried to set him up in the morning using the SEAL resources. He had an emotion fan and would show me the right face for how he was feeling every morning. It just meant I knew without him having to speak to me. If he was angry he could take some time out in the reading corner - he had a timer in there and could sit until the timer ran out and then join the rest of the group.

I wouldn't worry about the other children feeling that its unfair. I talked to them about it because he has a tendency to hurt them and pull faces and say mean things, so I needed them to understand that he wasn't the 'naughty' one, but that he needed our help. They were extremely helpful and never complained. I said I was trusting them to be very grown up and help the little boy to do the right thing.

As someone above said, he needs the love you can give him and boundaries you can give him if he's missing them at home.