So I’ve got absolutely no one really to talk to about this.
Please be a bit gentle because I’m trying pretty hard.
Over the last 3 months since my daughter became friends with another child at her new secondary school (shes going into year 7) she’s changed.
This friend apparently went through a stage as identifying as a cat and now identifies as a boy but wasn’t born one.
My daughter’s never been a particularly girly girl.
She loved Harry Potter and then all of a sudden started saying that JK Rowling is a bigot and transphobe etc etc.
She cut her long hair short.
We had a long conversation about it and discussed why JK Rowling may have her views.
Then we moved house and she decided she wanted dinosaur’s as her theme in her bedroom.
Then she started choosing boys clothes.
Now I’ve always suspected she might be somewhat neurodiverse but as it hasn’t significantly impact her I didn’t pursue it. I’m not sure if that’s even relevant.
But I was getting the vibe that she was exploring boys things and it became more and more.
I even told her dad (we are divorced) about my suspicions a few nights ago… he poo poo’d it and said she’s just finding herself.
Last night my daughter told me that an old friend had been unkind to her on WhatsApp. She was particularly upset. Lots of crying.
It turns out that she’s told them all that she feels and identifies as a boy and they have taken the Micky out of her.
She’s blocked them all. She’s going to a secondary in a different town that they aren’t going to.
I’m really sad that she didn’t feel she could tell me - but could tell her whole school year… but I get it also because of my views.
I’ve told her it’s natural not to love your body when going through pubity because it’s hard. I told her I felt awkward for a long time. I’ve told her I love her and I support her even if I don’t understand really. That I love and support her no matter what she chooses.
I fundamentally don’t believe you can change your sex. I do believe you can choose your gender. We’ve had this conversation before which is probably why she never said anything to me.
And today we’ve been sorting out clothes. She’s binned virtually all of the more girly ones.
I’m in the garden having a bit of a cry because I don’t want to make this about me. But I don’t know what to do with all these feelings I’m having. I’m also hormonal which doesn’t help.
I don’t have a partner to talk to. Her dad’s pretty useless with emotions and I don’t have many friends.
Her dad was emotionally abusive. I lost myself for a long time. I can’t help but feel that she’s looked at me and decided she doesn’t want to be anything like me.
I can’t help but feel like I’ve failed as a role model.
I would never ever express any of this to her. Ever.
What on earth do I do?
I’m having counselling because of the after effects of my terrible marriage but because I’m starting a new job I can’t see my counsellor till the end of September.
Should I get her counselling?