Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

12 DS overweight, any advice please?

43 replies

LittleLemonPie · 19/04/2025 22:13

Hi there I feel awful even writing this.

My DS is 12 and I feel he’s a bit overweight. Hes not huge by any means but stock and carry’s weight round his middle.
His height is average for his age think he’s maybe 5ft 1inch but I don’t know his weight because I don’t want to make him stand on scales.
He says himself ‘I’m fat’ which upsets me that he feels that way, so we encourage him to eat healthy and try encourage exercise but he isn’t sporty and hasn’t ever been sporty.
he does a fight class x2 weekly which he really enjoys and works up a sweat, will sometimes walk home from school but he helps himself to food from cupboards etc and most likely buys rubbish from the shops at school break times.
He always always asks for chocolate, crisps or sweets at every given chance daily which starts to annoy me.
Jeans don’t really fit him for his age or even few sizes up everything is just tight on him.

He will be 13 in few months and I can tell he’s now focusing a lot on appearance now. He mentions himself about wanting to be heathy but then seems to want to eat lots of rubbish.

I don’t want to be to harsh but I also don’t want him to have bad habits or being unhealthy.

We try showing him correct portion sizes and I always say everything in moderation to him but I don’t think he really listens. Me & his dad are healthy, I lost a good 5/6 stone in weight in the last few years, he sees me exercising etc so we try setting good examples. As a child he was very petite and small, just been these last maybe 3/4 years he’s been gaining weight.

Has anyone else had this problem and how did they help their child lose some weight without it being detrimental to their mental health? Or without feeling like I’m calling him fat?
Any advice?
Please be nice 🙏🏼TIA

OP posts:
Bobbybobbins · 19/04/2025 22:19

It might be worth not having snack foods in the house for a while, to see if this supports him to eat more healthily. Is he eating good meals that fill him up to try to decrease snacking?

SilverButton · 19/04/2025 22:21

Can you stop buying chocolate, sweets and crisps (or buy a lot less)? Then he'll only be able to snack on healthy food.

user1471538275 · 19/04/2025 22:22

He's in that bit before puberty, just before they start to grow massively.

Many children become stocky and hungry at this point and then a few years later they have a growth spurt - their body is stocking up on resources, ready to do this.

I have seen this in many many children - in girls it tends to be younger 10/11 and boys more 12/13.

Provide him with a variety of nutritious foods, let him eat to his hunger and let him carry on with activities that he enjoys (evidence is clear that exercise has very little impact on weight loss but can help maintenance of a healthy weight

Littletreefrog · 19/04/2025 22:23

You say sometimes walks home from school, how does he get home the other days? If you pick him up can you invent a reason why you can't so he has to walk more often?

Do you know anyone with a dog who would be willing to say they need help walking the dog even if they don't?

But really the main focus needs to be food. It's always good to move more but it's the food part which has the most impact.

At that age you can't stop him buying things when he is out and about but could you make sure there are mostly healthy things in the house?

Any siblings? You could introduce the snack box so they each get their snacks for the week put in the box and when they are gone they are gone and they then have to eat the free for all snacks which is fruit and veg etc. if you cut all the fruit and veg into bite size pieces and store in the fridge so they are easy to access they tend to get eaten more.

Do you have any gyms that offer teen sessions? He is a good age to start supervised weight training which might appeal to his emerging interest in his image.

Calliopespa · 19/04/2025 22:30

Bobbybobbins · 19/04/2025 22:19

It might be worth not having snack foods in the house for a while, to see if this supports him to eat more healthily. Is he eating good meals that fill him up to try to decrease snacking?

That’s what I was going to say op. If it’s not there and he has no access to funds for it, he can’t eat it. Simple.

Make healthy snacks available: crudités ready cut and in appealing containers in fridge. Houmous or avocado dip. Cubed watermelon, pineapple, strawberries etc. Having these prepped and chopped make it easy for him to snack on them.

You could also get some of those toddler melamine trays with sections for fussy eaters ( a bit like prison trays!) for when he returns from school. Make them up in advance with some veg in one compartment, fruit pieces in another, then something a bit more comfort-foody like some rye crackers with a few small cubes of cheese or similar, or even a small yoghurt. Once he’s worked through one of those his snack cravings will have passed. The separate sections of those trays creates a visual mental prompt of how many different things he is consuming, which in turn helps his brain figure he isn’t really “hungry.”

shellyleppard · 19/04/2025 22:34

My sons used to get a bit of a belly then shoot up a few inches and lose it all. As previous posters have said keep healthy snacks at home. Difficult to monitor what he eats on way to and from school though

Calliopespa · 19/04/2025 22:35

You can also get toddler snacks.

Lots of these are packaged like “ junk snacks” but are much healthier.

If he finds snack bags bags of these in the cupboard but no biscuits etc, he will turn to these instead.

Original poster
LittleLemonPie · 19/04/2025 22:37

We don’t keep much crisps/chocolate in the house but I may just completely stop buying it.
when he is always asking for junk he is told no.

He doesn’t take money to school that I am aware of but I believe him and friend most likely buy rubbish at the shops at break time, I give him packed lunch so I know what he’s getting.

Also going to family’s houses grannies etc they just give lots of crap even if I’m saying no and when he’s there and I’m at work etc I know they will just give him rubbish. I have spoke to them but they’re very much like oh it won’t hurt a growing lad type answer is what I get.

He has started eating much more variety of meals as he’s getting older, same things we eat, home made meals, healthier recipes so he’s eating them happily, and I thought with some walking back and forth to school and his class he does twice a week I thought the weight would fall off him, but it’s not which makes me suspect he’s buying things from the shops when he’s out with friends, I can’t control what he picks to eat when he’s out, I have been trying to educate him on healthy habits, portion sizes and explaining why we should eat healthy food and prioritise movement but I really feel like he is not listening.

Im just going to have to be more encouraging I think. I need he to find some self discipline and he doesn’t seem to be leading from example.

Yeah reaching puberty also I don’t want him being hungry while he’s growing.

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 19/04/2025 22:38

I also think at that age the word No is quite difficult for them - a bit like toddlers!

Instead of saying no to chocolate could you try saying “ when you’ve eaten the carrot sticks, Houmous and rice cakes you can have a ( smaller portion than normal) of chocolate. That way he is being told to eat rather than not to eat! By the time you get to ( arguments about) the chocolate, his belly full of raw veg is working in your favour!

Original poster
LittleLemonPie · 19/04/2025 22:45

Yeah thank you all for replying,
@Littletreefrog yeah the other days I pick him up, he’ll always have some excuse like his shoes are hurting his feet etc which then makes me feel bad or he’s having to carry something home that he’s made from class.

He likes fruit which there is always plenty in the fridge so he helps himself to that usually.

It’s just from what I see him eat just doesn’t make sense for size if you get me. So that’s where I’m struggling.
And his mind set of always wanting sweet things always asking me to buy things which again he’s told no. I try teaching him that is for treats like when out for a meal etc but not daily in the house.
It just doesn’t seem to sink in for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleLemonPie · 19/04/2025 22:49

@Calliopespa yeah I know what you mean, by me saying no to him it’s when he’s constantly asking in excess for things. Thats what I mean by I try educating him on healthy, I always tell him nothings off limits but it’s everything in moderation so less of the less nutritious foods and more of the more nutritious foods.
it’s just hard as I dont want to give any bad diet mentality to him like I had growing up.

OP posts:
Calliopespa · 19/04/2025 22:52

LittleLemonPie · 19/04/2025 22:49

@Calliopespa yeah I know what you mean, by me saying no to him it’s when he’s constantly asking in excess for things. Thats what I mean by I try educating him on healthy, I always tell him nothings off limits but it’s everything in moderation so less of the less nutritious foods and more of the more nutritious foods.
it’s just hard as I dont want to give any bad diet mentality to him like I had growing up.

Edited

I think it’s easier to say have the healthy stuff first. Then you aren’t fighting his hunger as well as him when you moderate the portion of junk.

Calliopespa · 19/04/2025 22:56

Also op, he is old enough to understand why you are limiting it. He might get mad, but he isn’t really confused or thinking you are mean. He has already said he feels negative things about his weight and he can work out you are trying to help.

Just be firm. If he asks for a bag of crisps he can have: avocado on rye ( or whatever healthy thing he will eat) THEN half a bag of crisps OR … nothing. He’ll take the first option and then at least he’s filling up in something healthy. He knows why.

Scarydinosaurs · 19/04/2025 22:56

He does his fight club, does he do strength and conditioning? Could he explain to you why bodies need carb/protein/fats?

Education about nutrition is a great way in with young teens - and linking it to something he enjoys can help instil good habits.

Make picking the right choice easier - discuss snacks he can make quickly that are nutritious. Involve him in the food shop, and link what he eats to what his body does.

Listening for “full” cues is much harder when food is sweet/salty, but knowing this makes stopping easier.

Education is definitely the most powerful tool we have.

BubblegumGiraffe · 19/04/2025 23:01

Can you stock the fridge with healthy snacks and concentrate on protein to fill him up? Batch cook chicken breasts in the oven / have boiled eggs etc all ready to go

Original poster
LittleLemonPie · 19/04/2025 23:03

Yeah, we do have high protein meals and he likes boiled eggs which I’m glad he does.

OP posts:
crouchendtigerr · 19/04/2025 23:04

My 18 year old was considered overweight at 12, growth spurt and grew to 6 ft, no longer over weight

soupyspoon · 19/04/2025 23:07

Out of interest OP, does he actually like fridge cold food, if the fruit and snacks are freezing cold I'd be much more inclined to pick something out of the cupboard personally, but this might not be an issue for him

Stripeyanddotty · 19/04/2025 23:11

How much actual exercise does he do?

Emonade · 19/04/2025 23:12

LittleLemonPie · 19/04/2025 22:13

Hi there I feel awful even writing this.

My DS is 12 and I feel he’s a bit overweight. Hes not huge by any means but stock and carry’s weight round his middle.
His height is average for his age think he’s maybe 5ft 1inch but I don’t know his weight because I don’t want to make him stand on scales.
He says himself ‘I’m fat’ which upsets me that he feels that way, so we encourage him to eat healthy and try encourage exercise but he isn’t sporty and hasn’t ever been sporty.
he does a fight class x2 weekly which he really enjoys and works up a sweat, will sometimes walk home from school but he helps himself to food from cupboards etc and most likely buys rubbish from the shops at school break times.
He always always asks for chocolate, crisps or sweets at every given chance daily which starts to annoy me.
Jeans don’t really fit him for his age or even few sizes up everything is just tight on him.

He will be 13 in few months and I can tell he’s now focusing a lot on appearance now. He mentions himself about wanting to be heathy but then seems to want to eat lots of rubbish.

I don’t want to be to harsh but I also don’t want him to have bad habits or being unhealthy.

We try showing him correct portion sizes and I always say everything in moderation to him but I don’t think he really listens. Me & his dad are healthy, I lost a good 5/6 stone in weight in the last few years, he sees me exercising etc so we try setting good examples. As a child he was very petite and small, just been these last maybe 3/4 years he’s been gaining weight.

Has anyone else had this problem and how did they help their child lose some weight without it being detrimental to their mental health? Or without feeling like I’m calling him fat?
Any advice?
Please be nice 🙏🏼TIA

He will have a growth spurt soon and lose all of it. Just try and work on his confidence.

PermanentTemporary · 19/04/2025 23:20

I do think he is going to grow a lot so I wouldn't panic - but I do think that is an absolutely minimal amount of exercise for anyone, never mind a 13 year old boy. He would ideally be sitting down for 4 hours a week, not exercising for 4 hours a week.

How long is the walk to school? If he can do it every now and then, how about he starts doing it every day? Or cycling it - do any of his friends cycle? That was my son's main exercise at that age, it was only about a 20 minute cycle but up a really tough hill. He also liked parkrun and we did that together every week. Then we'd get home, have breakfast, get out for errands, Keep him on his feet (or pedals) and not eating as much as possible.

The fight club is a great idea. Do either of you do anything active with him, or does he have any active friends? A local dad got his son a volleyball set and got him out to the park with it, that kid still meets up with friends including my son to play volleyball now and they are all in their 20s. Golf? Cycling? 5 a side? My son also did Woodcraft Folk, Scouts never seemed very good round our way, but any group that is focused on being outside is good.

I'd agree that he's probably getting food at shops. Just model not snacking, keep the messages positive and keep him active.

Calliopespa · 19/04/2025 23:35

Emonade · 19/04/2025 23:12

He will have a growth spurt soon and lose all of it. Just try and work on his confidence.

Show quote history

I think it can be too easy to depend on that. It’s better to act when he still has a growth spurt to work with him I think.

Calliopespa · 19/04/2025 23:36

Stripeyanddotty · 19/04/2025 23:11

How much actual exercise does he do?

Exercise is overrated for weight loss. It’s usually the food that needs addressing unless he’s about to start Olympic training!

Fleakster · 19/04/2025 23:38

Focus on his esteem and give positive messages. Fight the snack urges with high protein healthy stuff he likes but don’t ban chocolate or crisps - it’s counter productive. He likes the fight stuff and that fits with gym work - maybe find a young pt and buy him some sessions. Building muscle gives fast results and burns fat more easily so it’s a a double win. Be patient - puppy fat tends to melt away as they sprout but the locust instincts will be around for a while. My ds would recommend a giant bowl of porridge with added ground almonds / peanut butter flax seeds and chia seeds with a dollop of Nutella. It’s filling, decent protein and sweet enough to kill cravings. He would also recommend an omelette first. Food cravings are hard in a world where there are so many high fat/high sugar and high salt snacks available.

Stripeyanddotty · 19/04/2025 23:42

@Calliopespa
He is 12 years old. He needs to be doing plenty of aerobic exercise for his long term
health and physical growth , not just weight loss.