12 DS overweight, any advice please?

[LittleLemonPie]

Hi there I feel awful even writing this.

My DS is 12 and I feel he’s a bit overweight. Hes not huge by any means but stock and carry’s weight round his middle.
His height is average for his age think he’s maybe 5ft 1inch but I don’t know his weight because I don’t want to make him stand on scales.
He says himself ‘I’m fat’ which upsets me that he feels that way, so we encourage him to eat healthy and try encourage exercise but he isn’t sporty and hasn’t ever been sporty.
he does a fight class x2 weekly which he really enjoys and works up a sweat, will sometimes walk home from school but he helps himself to food from cupboards etc and most likely buys rubbish from the shops at school break times.
He always always asks for chocolate, crisps or sweets at every given chance daily which starts to annoy me.
Jeans don’t really fit him for his age or even few sizes up everything is just tight on him.

He will be 13 in few months and I can tell he’s now focusing a lot on appearance now. He mentions himself about wanting to be heathy but then seems to want to eat lots of rubbish.

I don’t want to be to harsh but I also don’t want him to have bad habits or being unhealthy.

We try showing him correct portion sizes and I always say everything in moderation to him but I don’t think he really listens. Me & his dad are healthy, I lost a good 5/6 stone in weight in the last few years, he sees me exercising etc so we try setting good examples. As a child he was very petite and small, just been these last maybe 3/4 years he’s been gaining weight.

Has anyone else had this problem and how did they help their child lose some weight without it being detrimental to their mental health? Or without feeling like I’m calling him fat?
Any advice?
Please be nice 🙏🏼TIA

Yes I don’t disagree with that. But re the weight op has posted about I think she needs to tackle his diet,

IME getting someone into sport can alert them to the importance of diet. Too heavy, and running hurts. Knees hurt. Feet hurt. It gives weight loss something more beyond “how I look”. We want to not carry extra weight because we can jump/run/throw further when our diet is better.

Plus if you’re active you’re less likely to be eating at the same time. Boredom triggers many poor food choices!

Yes I believe boredom trigger junk food, I’d say he probably does about 3hrs a week of exercise minimum with PE at school and his two fight classes being an hour and they are fairly intensive I’ve watched him, his walk to school is 30mins which I want him to start doing much more as walking is so good for him which he knows getting fresh air.
He goes out with friends and they walk around etc but again that’s where going to the shops is an option for him.

My son has been through a lot emotionally over the last 5 years and sometimes I think he’s found food his comfort.

Thank you all for your advice I can take on board.

My kid is also 12 and a total gaming nerd won’t do any exercise at all but as least for now he’s not overweight- I am prepared for it to happen at some point

what stands out in your post though is that you say he buys unhealthy snacks at/on the way home from school. Mine doesn’t, because I don’t give him money to do that- he gets money for his school bus and anything else he asks for on a case by case basis. He has a packed lunch so I 100% know what he’s eating while out at school.

so I’d revisit the money you give him for snacks and cut down on the amount of unhealthy snacks you are buying for the house

getting your kid to exercise is really really tough. I have bribed mine to come out running with me in the past but it’s not sustainable long term. “Family walks” at weekends do happen with quite a lot of groaning.

@Clearinguptheclutter I dont give him money that’s what I say I dont give him money so I think he may take some of his birthday/xmas money with him to school. Im only assuming as I cant think of how else the weight is going on.
He takes a packed lunch to school so I know what hes having. And again we dont have that many unhealthy snacks in the home.

Yes we’re the same we love to go hill walking as a family on weekends when we can which he moans about the full way but he does it and once he’s at the top for the views he enjoys it.

We had this - what worked for us was never talking about being ‘fat’ or body image. We talked a lot about healthy food and choices, about portion control. No unhealthy food in the house, no UPFs. Fruit available and only plain yogurts etc

we got a mini trampoline and ds likes going on it.

in the end DS changed his habits, but I think as he was called names at school BUT the scaffolding was all there at home for him to be able to stick with it.

take a long term view and try to build a good relationship with food. Ds2 is skinny and won’t eat anything he doesn’t like, it’s such a personal thing.

Less empty calories and a more active lifestyle will help ensure that he grows into a fit and healthy teenager and adult.

protein is generally healthy and filling. There are loads of high protein snack and recipe ideas online. Does he like cooking? Getting him involved in prepping his food could help - cottage cheese chocolate mousse for example!

Lots of kids they age seem to enjoy the S&C sessions that school run, and then when they’re old enough they know how to safely train in the gym themselves. Does his school offer anything similar? DS also found that he enjoyed rowing (only on the indoor rower - no lake at our state comp!) which he’d not tired before moving up from primary.

Get him to try new things, hopefully you can find a combination that works for him.

@Planetmonster thank you, yes we avoid saying words like fat or negative self talk, he was called fat at school few years ago. We talk about nutrition and health overall not just weight.
Im just going to have to make some small changes I think in build them into part of our lives style and give him the tools to hopefully keep it up like you say in the long run.

Would he consider trying a new sport? At this ageish a lot of boys joined my brother’s rugby team many having never played before. They were positively welcomed especially if they were a bit chunky as they needed more for the scrum!

When is he eating his packed lunch? If he is eating it at first break rather than lunchtime (not uncommon in some schools) then he is going to be hungry by the end of the school day. Put some extra high-protein food in for him to eat at the end of the school day.

Does he have something to focus saving his birthday money towards? Maybe look with him at how much quicker he would achieve that if it were in an account gaining interest rather than him spending a little every day in the shop.

Good luck @LittleLemonPie , it’s a long term thing as you want him to make his own good decisions and have a good relationship with food. He is going to grow as well. Think of it as something to support him with over the years, not a quick fix.
it’s a really tricky one though.

This is brilliant

https://www.ellynsatterinstitute.org/how-to-feed/the-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding/

DS put on a few pounds when he went to secondary school, in response I increased his exercise. He now goes climbing/swimming four times a week. His body shape has changed and he’s now slender. I didn’t mention food but he seems to have become more interested in eating well and has said he likes his body.

I’m the same.

Berries are ok from the fridge as they go off so quickly if you leave them out but the other fruit is out in a bowl. Not only is it not cold but the fruit is more visible and my family do eat a lot more of it if the fruit isn’t inside the fridge.

OP have you read this guide from the Caroline Walker Trust?

When my Teen DS was always eating junk I read it and went through a few points with him. He agreed on a couple of simple changes and I made better snacks more easily available and his consumption of crap dramatically reduced.

Does he take a vitamin with iron and calcium each day too? Sometimes people overeat when they are lacking certain vitamins or minerals.

My son wasn't overweight at that age, but was definitely carrying some puppy fat. When he turned 13 he got a paper round which did wonders for his physical and mental health - it was an hours worth of cycling / movement 6 mornings a week, and he enjoyed going around town when it was still quiet which felt set him up for the day. Best of all, it was simply a side effect of him earning some money, which was the encouragement he needed to keep it up. He did it for nearly 3 years.

Stop buying the junk food, lead by example.

If you wanted a child to stop vaping would you fill the kitchen cupboards with vapes?

Food is generally the cause of excess weight gain.

If he's used to having treats/junk always available then that's something he has been taught.

These things can be untaught too. Literally have zero snack/junk products. Fill the fruit bowl. Buy a few packs of nuts. Make an apple crumble instead.

He can eat a good dinner then look forward to a lovely (small) portion of apple crumble.

Next week make another pudding. In between have zero pudding.

This resource is really good, thanks for sharing.

Buy a very limited amount of junk food, maybe a pack of 6 cereal bars a week. He can have one a day. When they're gone, they're gone. Don't keep any more in the house. Don't buy fizzy drinks either.

Make sure there is plenty of fruit, decent wholemeal bread and butter, and introduce him to the toaster. Keep cheese & tomatoes, hard boiled eggs etc in the fridge.

Why doesn't he walk home from school every day?