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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

Should I try to persuade dd (11) to eat breakfast or just back off?

57 replies

dameofdilemma · 08/09/2023 11:14

Dd (11) has never been picky with food, never routinely skipped meals etc. She's a healthy weight etc.

Since starting secondary this week she's refused breakfast - never happened before, in fact she's always been most hungry first thing in the morning.
She says she just doesn't feel like it. She has a say in what she has for breakfast (within reason, relatively healthy etc).

She says she likes secondary - has friends there she knows from primary and locally. Never had any issues with school generally.

Should I just leave it for now? I've always thought breakfast is the most important meal for school kids....

OP posts:

UsernameNotAvailableNow · 08/09/2023 11:19

One of mine is doing this, saying they just don’t feel ready for food at that time. I kind of get it tbh, but have agreed they’ll at least have a piece of fruit or what I call a breakfast smoothie. I make them a quick one with milk, a couple of ice cubes, a banana, handful of oats and a tablespoon of peanut butter.

They find this easier to eat and have got quite into it. It’s just a cheap small blender from Argos that’s like a rip on the nutribullet.

Could you try that? Or make some breakfast muffins maybe?is there a breakfast they will eat?

Maybe let them lead the way a bit and see what they say. I don’t eat until lunchtime and I find I’m not really hungry and can concentrate fine, but I’m doing it for weight loss…

user1471474138 · 08/09/2023 11:21

Think I’d probably back off for now if she is definitely eating her other meals normally. Maybe just make sure she has a cereal bar/fruit or something for the way to school if she wants it? She might be grabbing something on the way to school with her friends?
however I’d keep an eye on the rest of her eating habits and if she starts missing other meals I might think differently

trampoline123 · 08/09/2023 11:24

I don't have a pre teen but was a fussy pre teen myself to the point mum took me to the doc.

I'd back off and not make it a big thing, or it may become a big thing. I'd maybe get some cereal bars in or something for her to take with her.

Assuming she's eating lunch and dinner?

purpleme12 · 08/09/2023 11:28

Mine is not high school yet but she often doesn't have breakfast.
I've always left it.
But I've got no worries about her appetite etc. I'm assuming you don't either as you only mention the breakfast thing?

EweCee · 08/09/2023 11:30

Same situation here and I’m backing off, knowing she is eating well at other meals. Will watch it though.

i’m also aware that I never ate breakfast at that age, still rarely do, so would be hypocritical to force her.

Medlady · 08/09/2023 11:44

Can you get some breakfast bars in? I know they aren’t v healthy but some are better than others, and if she has one in her pocket she can nibble it when she feels hungry

Original poster

dameofdilemma · 08/09/2023 11:46

Thanks all - there are cereal bars and fruit so I’ll leave it for now.
We’ve little control over what she chooses to buy to eat at school but she has a healthy dinner and is always offered fruit as a snack at hone so will try to cram in the five a day that way.

OP posts:

Orangebadger · 08/09/2023 12:01

I'd back off and not make a thing of it. My DD has always never felt like breakfast, occasionally she'll have some fruit or toast, it's just her metabolism. I could eat a 3 course meal first thing!! Maybe her metabolism is changing?

Mumofteenandtween · 08/09/2023 12:03

At my dd’s school they sell (apparently very very nice) sausage rolls at first break.

ReadRum · 08/09/2023 12:06

Breakfast being the most important meal is basically a Kelloggs slogan that did really well.
Has she been having breakfast later in the holidays? This could be enough to make her body feel less ready for food at an earlier time. If her other meals are fine, don’t intervene yet.

loubielou31 · 08/09/2023 12:58

My DC never eat breakfast in term time, the school bus is early and they just aren't ready for food I think. They both take a packed lunch and so can eat some of that at break time and there is money on their dinner accounts so they can buy stuff from the canteen. Usually they come home and eat a large bowl of cereal and still eat dinner later. They are growing and healthy, and not losing weight
All of that is a long way of saying if they are happy and healthy then it's fine.

1of2 · 08/09/2023 13:02

Leave her for now. This happened with my DC when they started HS last year. Took a few months before they would start having breakfast, and they still don’t always have it now. They get a bit of a nervous tum and even though settled and enjoy school, still aren’t a massive breakfast fan.
To by honest, they didn’t eat any meals for about 2 weeks but their appetite came back and now eats copious amounts during the rest of the day!

mondaytosunday · 08/09/2023 13:06

I never ate breakfast before going to school at that age (until I left school) and my daughter still doesn't now (18).
I was too anxious and not particularly hungry (no issues at school, had friends did well). My daughter would rather have the extra few minutes in bed and says if she eats she just gets more hungry - she often goes without lunch too. She's a healthy weight.
So back off. If you see a weight drop or her refusing foods she'd normally love at other meal times, then have a talk.

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 08/09/2023 13:20

I only want breakfast a little later, and have some fruit, a boiled egg or brioche roll around 10.00. My 12yo has recently started doing the same. Encouraging them to take something for first break has always been more successful for my DDs than offering breakfast.

BarborousBarbra · 08/09/2023 13:24

I was about that age when I stopped having breakfast. I just couldn't stomach food that early in the day, still can't some 25 years on. Healthy weight, not food issues, so maybe just leave her be for now?

Balloonhearts · 08/09/2023 14:10

She's probably eating at or on the way to school with everyone else.

Kattitude · 10/09/2023 00:04

Is she eating something at break time? The canteen at high school tends to offer more choice etc , my grandson ate a lot of cake in his first couple of months 😂 I wouldn’t make an issue of it just have some cereal bars/fruit she can pop in her pocket.

MrsDrSpencerReid · 10/09/2023 00:07

Neither of my teens eat breakfast before school, they don’t usually eat lunch at school either!

Both will have some sort of cereal/toast/sandwich when they get in and then normal dinner.

DS I can usually get to have a breakfast type drink, DD I’ve got no chance although I know she’ll sometimes buy a coffee or smoothie on her way in.

The no breakfast thing started for both in secondary, they start an hour before they did in primary so I think they’re just not ready that early.

thecatinthetwat · 10/09/2023 00:09

I never eat breakfast, starting when I went to secondary. It’s actually better to wait as long as possible to eat after waking. Not necessarily to force it anyway.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 10/09/2023 00:12

Does she get to school in a different way now?

One of mine used to have breakfast at primary when they walked, but she didn't have breakfast at secondary as she found she didn't feel great on the bus after. She ate at break time instead.

Tourmalines · 10/09/2023 00:12

Yes, this . She’s just breaking a fast . If she’s not hungry first thing , leave it.

concertgoer · 10/09/2023 00:12

Has she started her period?
if not it maybe on the horizon.

I find sometimes I don’t fancy breakfast sometimes I fancy loads …. I’ve noticed my nearly 13 year old go through it over the last couple of years… since she was 11. End of year 6 & year 7.

could be hormonal.

as someone who struggles with their weight, I think because I was forced to eat three square meals a day, (plus what I wanted to eat!) … please don’t force her to eat when she doesn’t want to.

just make food available for when she wants it. It maybe she wants breakfast mid morning, rather than first thing. Or on her way to school.
try and give her something good. But DO NOT NAG to the point she lies to you about what she’s eating. If you push too hard there’s risk you’ll push her away.

Viewfrommyhouse · 10/09/2023 00:14

Back off. I never have and still don't want to eat first thing in the morning. My ds is the same. There's no problem with either of us, we're just not hungry.

notacooldad · 10/09/2023 00:21

I did the same as the first poster which was to make a smoothie for DS.
I told him he didn;t have to eat but he needed a drink to rehydrate.
I put all sorts in from Chia seeds Geek yougurt, avocado, flax seeds, berries, protein powder, bananas, etc. Not all at once, I did mix it up.
Both me and the lads saw it as a win. They thought they didn't have to eat a meal, I was happy that they had some nutrients including good fats, good carbs and protein.

Verite1 · 10/09/2023 00:46

My DS never wants breakfast that early in the morning. He used to take a cereal bar or flapjack but now I make a couple of slices of toast and he eats them on the way (or throws them in the bin - who knows?!). I have some sympathy. I hardly ever eat breakfast myself.

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