How to persuade a preteen to get fitted for a bra?

[thirdistheonewiththehairychest]

She's 12yo and has been getting by with crop tops but she's going to need a bra pretty soon and I'm clueless as to what size she needs.

I tried to take her shopping for one the other day and she said they were all too tight and uncomfortable but wouldn't let me see her wearing them as it was 'too embarrassing'. And when I told her that I usually have a member of staff help me she was positively mortified and said she is NEVER doing that!

How do I help her get past the embarrassment? At the moment I've told her it's fine to stick with the crop tops if she wants but she can let me know if she changes her mind 🤷🏻‍♀️

[dementedpixie]

Can you or she measure at home and buy online to try on at home?

[TossacointoHenryCavill]

Let her wear crops tops as long as she wants. Steer her to sports ones if you think she needs more support, if only for PE days.
Let her pick bras out in the shop - if she wants one with structured/sized cups then send her ti the changing room with loads of sizes to try. 2 different back sizes and 3 or 4 different cup sizes.

[Bananasplitlady]

DD was exactly the same (still is tbh and she's 17 now). I showed her on me where and how to measure, sent her to her room with tape measure, pen and paper and she came out with measurements. I figured that dodgy measurements were better than none at all and we went from there.

[lostparcel]

For the first she was fitted at M&S. they were very good with her and stepped out of the changing room. I was in the other half of the changing room that was separated by a curtain.

It is weird at first wearing a bra and they feel very different to a cropped top but after a few days she will get used to it.

After that we measured at home.

[milkysmum]

Lots of teens and ( and those of us with smaller bust sizes) get by just fine in the crop style bras/ bralette. My daughter is 14 and would be absolutely mortified if I tried to get her in a shop for a bra measuring.
She has recently let me measure at home but still tends to prefer the pull over style bralette as they do much comfier and you just get these in small, medium, large etc .

[Xrays]

Let her be. If she wants to wear crop tops that’s fine. My dd is 20 and none of her friends wear bras, they’re seen as very past it now by that age group. I would just let her wear what she’s comfortable in.

[EquallyDetermined]

Mine is 17 and still wearing crop tops / bralettes, I wouldn't dream of making her go and get fitted, I didn't do it myself till I was probably 40+ and post-DC. Tape measure to get approximate sizes, pick a style and order a few in sizes around the right ball park and try on at home. Or go into a shop and try a few in the same way.

[Whatwouldscullydo]

I just explained that as scary as it sounds there does come a point where not wearing one starts to stop us from doing things. And five mins in a shop with someone who's done this a million times on women and girls is far preferable to having to restrict yourself because it hurts to go up or down stairs or do PE.

We went to Victoria secret in Milton Keynes. The fitter was absolutely lovely with dd and the leave the cubicle when it comes to having to remove the top layers completely.

I also said that it was Important to take care of our bodies and keep ourselves as comfortable as possible and sometimes that means doing things that we don't like very much .

[Xrays]

@Whatwouldscullydo

I just explained that as scary as it sounds there does come a point where not wearing one starts to stop us from doing things. And five mins in a shop with someone who's done this a million times on women and girls is far preferable to having to restrict yourself because it hurts to go up or down stairs or do PE.

We went to Victoria secret in Milton Keynes. The fitter was absolutely lovely with dd and the leave the cubicle when it comes to having to remove the top layers completely.

I also said that it was Important to take care of our bodies and keep ourselves as comfortable as possible and sometimes that means doing things that we don't like very much .

What on earth are you talking about… 🤦🏼‍♀️ it doesn’t hurt to go up and downstairs or do PE if you have a supportive crop top (and there are plenty about), and to be honest I’m a 34GG and absolutely hate bras and wear pretty flimsy crop tops because they’re comfortable and it’s never been painful for me to go up and down stairs 🙄

I hate all this pressure we put on our teens. It’s akin to pulling the strings of a corset in days gone by saying it’s for their own good. Let them decide what they want to wear. Give them the options, let them decide for themselves. If they want a bra, they’ll wear one, if they don’t that’s fine too.

[allgrownupnow]

She doesn't need a fitted bra, crop tops can be totally sufficiently supportive for pretty big tits these days. I only wear them and am not small.

[AllProperTeaIsTheft]

No reason for her to stop wearing crop tops if they are comfortable for her. I got fed up with wearing underwired bras back in lockdown and ordered some stretchy, crop top style bras you pull on over your head. I'm 51 and a 36E. I doubt a 12yo would need more support than I do!

[JFDIYOLO]

She can measure herself.
Tape under boobs for band size.
Tape around boobs - the difference = the cup size.
At 12 she doesn't need straps, restriction, underwriting, lace, bla bla bla.
Or feeling embarrassed being seen, touched, etc
She can get a sports bra which will be way more comfy once she's learned to wrestle in and out.

[Whatwouldscullydo]

She was already complaining that it hurt to walk up or down stairs and run around. We hadn't really found any crop tops that were supportive enough and she had a drawer full of them. I dont know where twitter of mine get their chests from its not from me but they certainly even at a fairly young age could not make do with crop tops.

[DisforDarkChocolate]

I'm moving to bralettes and away from fitted bras. They have improved so much since I last tried them many years ago. Mine is from lemonade dolls but there are much cheaper alternatives out there, I saw a lovely one in Sainsbury's last month.

I would focus more on persuading her to wear a good sports bra when she's active more than anything else.

[Natsku]

Just measure at home with a soft tape measure, that's what I do for me and DD. Next have really comfortable bralettes that are pretty supportive with none of the discomfort of a "proper" bra, they're all I use now even though I have to order from abroad.

[Bluesky85]

I don’t think young people wear traditional bras much nowadays. Crop tops and sports bras seem to be more fashionable and they are definitely more comfortable. Im not young but I rarely wear a structured bra now and try to avoid underwire altogether. I have a few padded crop tops that are really comfortable and supportive enough for day to day wear (I wear a sports bra to the gym). The ones from Uniqlo are my favourite.

[CoteDOpale]

Do it at home, the A Bra That Fits method is a lifesaver. Take your measurements and stick them in the calculator: https://www.abrathatfits.org/

You should do your own too - and don’t be surprised if it’s not what you expected, just trust the process. Most women are in the wrong size, even after being measured at high street stores.

Really good Reddit sub about it too if you’re on there.

[CoteDOpale]

@Whatwouldscullydo

I just explained that as scary as it sounds there does come a point where not wearing one starts to stop us from doing things. And five mins in a shop with someone who's done this a million times on women and girls is far preferable to having to restrict yourself because it hurts to go up or down stairs or do PE.

We went to Victoria secret in Milton Keynes. The fitter was absolutely lovely with dd and the leave the cubicle when it comes to having to remove the top layers completely.

I also said that it was Important to take care of our bodies and keep ourselves as comfortable as possible and sometimes that means doing things that we don't like very much .

VS are notorious for fitting you into a ‘sister size’ - or even just any they can get you into if they don’t sell your actual size, just FYI. Can’t be trusted.

[hellinahandcart700]

Crop tops are much healthier than the usual bras. Leave her be.

[lorisparkle]

Have you looked at 'Boob or Bust'. www.booborbust.com They have lots of information about how to measure, how to check the fit of the bra, etc. They also have a great Facebook page and lots of suggestions about the best places for teen bras.

[Squiblet]

Do it at home, the A Bra That Fits method is a lifesaver. Take your measurements and stick them in the calculator: https://www.abrathatfits.org/

Thanks for this link! I tried it and the "more comfortable size for you" is exactly what I've been wearing all these years. Haha, take that, John Lewis and all you people who keep saying practically every woman wears the wrong size!

[Spacemoon]

She doesn't 'need' a bra day to day. Nobody does. Obviously if you have huge breasts and it's uncomfortable doing day to day tasks without good support, then that's another matter, but for now, let her be. Just gently encourage her to get a decent sports bra for PE days.

I'm a 38DD and refuse to wear structured bras for the most part, if I had smaller breasts, I wouldn't wear one at all!!

The younger generation don't seem to wear structured bras much these days, it's all about comfort - think crop tops and bralettes.

She's 12, let her be! I never went with my mum for bra fittings, but eventually figured it out for myself in my own time in a way I was comfortable with. I really don't understand the rush or why you feel the need to be involved in what types of bra your daughter does or doesn't choose to wear.

[ToxicPositivity]

My 12yo won't even wear a bralette or sports bra, she's just totally unbothered, so far...

[Parlourgames]

I just got a load of “bralettes” in small from J Lewis and she tried them on. They are much more comfortable and easier to find the right size than bras. also I think likely to last longer…

[StEImosFire]

Measure at home, as much as you can, and then get her to go and try some on. Make as little fuss as possible. My DD found it totally cringe, but she did start to wear them after a while and now has no problem asking for new ones when they need to be replaced.