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Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Preteens

How to persuade a preteen to get fitted for a bra?

49 replies

thirdistheonewiththehairychest · 01/09/2023 07:44

She's 12yo and has been getting by with crop tops but she's going to need a bra pretty soon and I'm clueless as to what size she needs.

I tried to take her shopping for one the other day and she said they were all too tight and uncomfortable but wouldn't let me see her wearing them as it was 'too embarrassing'. And when I told her that I usually have a member of staff help me she was positively mortified and said she is NEVER doing that!

How do I help her get past the embarrassment? At the moment I've told her it's fine to stick with the crop tops if she wants but she can let me know if she changes her mind 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Parlourgames · 01/09/2023 09:47

Also they are slightly padded, which she likes as she feels more protected and less self conscious in her thin school shirt.

It is much better than when we were young and Bras were all wired with cup sizes that never fitted properly.

Ollifer · 01/09/2023 09:48

Id stop asking her, she doesn't need to go and have a professional bra fitting at 12. I've never had one I just measure at home. I would also feel uncomfortable, I can totally see why she feels that way at only 12.

AuditAngel · 01/09/2023 10:00

I have a 12 year old who was wearing crop tops and eventually she asked for something more structured. She tried on a couple of her older sister’s Primark bras and we determined she was one band size larger than her sister (matched my measurement) and then we went and bought a selection for her to try at home. The ones she wears most of the time are moulded not underwired. I tried them (38G) and hate them, but she is happy with them.

marmite2023 · 01/09/2023 10:06

The Sloggi bra that they sell in Waitrose is great. It’s more than a bralette and similar to a sports bra - but not as restrictive. It comes with padded support that you can leave in/take out. They are so comfy. I’ve flown long haul wearing them and it’s honestly the best bra ever. You could do a basic measurement at home because the bras are so forgiving, but still has enough support.

yomellamoHelly · 01/09/2023 10:14

We did it online.
She measured herself, then we did booborbust to get the correct size.
Then I bought a selection of styles and sizes for her to try on. (Bravissimo are excellent about returns.). I also gave her a leaflet to read explaining how to recognise if it fit well. (And I warned her it would feel very different to the crop tops she's been wearing so far.)
But .... she's already quite well endowed and I didn't want her to have my M&S experience. (Spent years in a 38 back bra as I couldn't fit in their sizes feeling very embarassed about how big I was and wanted her to start off as I should have with no fuss.)

EquallyDetermined · 01/09/2023 14:02

I’d be wary of boob or bust, I wasted a HUGE amount of time and effort with their method last year, ended up with a bra that still isn’t all that comfy and have happily reverted back to my old M&S size.

thismummydrinksgin · 01/09/2023 14:29

No advice but I am in this exact position with my 12 year old. Won't let me see her naked or even with crop in - has sensory issues too so clothes are difficult. Honestly - I have tried measuring but different shops seem to be sized differently so waste money on postage and returns. Let me know if you finds. Solution !

JengaCupboard · 01/09/2023 14:36

IMO totally no need - absolutely torturous in fact.. I am generally 34/36 D/DD and live in sports bras (totally un-wired crop-top type) reasonably firm, supermarket 'sports bra' type things generally, with removable padding. I just buy them in my clothes size, so easier that way too. I only ever wear a conventional bra if i'm wearing a 'fancy' outfit' which is rare, and then I can only stick it for 3-4 hours. I think on the whole there are far better solutions than just traditional bras these days.

cocksstrideintheevening · 01/09/2023 14:42

There's no need to make her.

Dts are 12, we bought a load of random sizes and styles from primark and new look, and took back the ones that didn't fit.

I've never been for a bra fitting and I'm 46.

Mmhmmn · 01/09/2023 14:47

To be fair, bras are shit and uncomfortable so if she wants to go without and maybe just use crop tops/sports bras, fair enough.

Precipice · 01/09/2023 14:53

"she said they were all too tight and uncomfortable" She's not wrong...

I've never worn a padded or underwired bra, but still I'm conscious of the bra when I'm wearing it and feel much more comfortable at home without. I only put one on to go out. I'd wear an undershirt instead if not for the fact that it would be an extra layer and I run warm and am often undressing to short-sleeve layers in indoor spaces, even if I'm wearing a jumper and coat outside.

Sgtmajormummy · 01/09/2023 14:56

At 12 I think a stretchy or moulded crop top is fine.
As she gets older she might want a strapless or a convertible one. In that case make an appointment for a fitting at a large M&S store and leave her to it! Meet back at the till. She’s probably only embarrassed with you around. The fitters are doing their job.

Precipice · 01/09/2023 15:13

 At the moment I've told her it's fine to stick with the crop tops if she wants but she can let me know if she changes her mind

Then that's fine. If she changes her mind, you can tell her that's it's important to have a bra that fits well, since a badly-fitting one is likely to be more uncomfortable and painful, especially after a while.

(Although it seems that different bra fitters calculate differently and result in different sizes. The 'optimal' suggestion may also not be one that in practice you'd prefer - all the time I see that the band should be a lower number and tight, with larger cups, but the band is where I feel the bra the most, and I'm much more comfortable with it looser.)

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 01/09/2023 15:26

No need.
If she WANTS to wear a bra, then explain it is nicer to have one that fits properly.

For anything else, bralettes and sports bras will do just fine.

Don't force her into an intimate situation that she doesn't want to be in.

Godlovesall26 · 05/09/2023 09:31

I did a shop fitting at that age, can you detail it to her that you’ll take her to a reputable place, these people do this all day, and it’s no different from going to a GP say, as it’s for your health. Even sports bras need a size. And the person steps out when you change and doesn’t actually touch you, just asks you to lift your arms and move around a bit, the only actual touching may be pulling at the back part once to check if it’s too tight/large width wise.

Godlovesall26 · 05/09/2023 09:32

Godlovesall26 · 05/09/2023 09:31

I did a shop fitting at that age, can you detail it to her that you’ll take her to a reputable place, these people do this all day, and it’s no different from going to a GP say, as it’s for your health. Even sports bras need a size. And the person steps out when you change and doesn’t actually touch you, just asks you to lift your arms and move around a bit, the only actual touching may be pulling at the back part once to check if it’s too tight/large width wise.

(I’m assuming given your OP that she is not a smaller size)

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/09/2023 09:33

You buy her a soft tape measure, send her a link to the Boob or Bust website where she can enter the numbers and it will tell her what size. Then you order a range in that size/sister sizes and leave her to try them on. Once she knows which fit best, send the rest back and order her preferred style/size.

Godlovesall26 · 05/09/2023 09:33

Godlovesall26 · 05/09/2023 09:32

(I’m assuming given your OP that she is not a smaller size)

Oh and I found it totally cringe as well, but it was very quickly done

Godlovesall26 · 05/09/2023 09:39

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/09/2023 09:33

You buy her a soft tape measure, send her a link to the Boob or Bust website where she can enter the numbers and it will tell her what size. Then you order a range in that size/sister sizes and leave her to try them on. Once she knows which fit best, send the rest back and order her preferred style/size.

Yes this is a good start, if it works great, if it doesn’t she’ll have good information to make things quicker for the shop assistant (meaning you tell them discreetly the measurements + what seems to be off). Honestly though at that age it’s so quick, the measures take 10 seconds, then it’s about checking the actual size is right (which she would struggle to guess more than approximately, but the assistant is used to it) a couple of minutes. If she’s uncomfortable as you say then it’s about trying different types, at that point the assistant can suggest and leave her to it or if she feels comfortable just go fetch her a couple of different types and advise. Honestly I didn’t enjoy it but to be fair it took 20 total minutes maybe, then you’re sorted

BasicPumpkinSpice · 05/09/2023 09:59

CoteDOpale · 01/09/2023 08:52

VS are notorious for fitting you into a ‘sister size’ - or even just any they can get you into if they don’t sell your actual size, just FYI. Can’t be trusted.

Edited

This. Victoria Secret is notoriously bad at fitting bars. I wouldn't recommend them at all.

JennyBee12 · 06/09/2023 16:25

No advice to add, but to just to say I'm finding these comments reassuring. I have a similar situation with DD who is 11. She's too embarrassed to be fitted by me or anyone else and has recently progressed from crop tops to bralettes (though will still wear crop tops sometimes). Bought her a couple of sizes and one was perfect apparently so that is that for now! I'm thinking she may need a sports bra soon just for extra support for P.E etc so going to ask her to measure at home for an idea of her size.

CC1991 · 07/09/2023 19:56

I have some of the ASDA ones too. When I was younger I wore crop tops instead of bras most of the time from the age of about 10 to 13 - I remember having some M&S ones which had the description of 'sporty' and they were very comfortable on PE days etc.

SportyMumOf2 · 11/09/2023 15:49

My daughter is also 12 and plays a lot of sport mainly football. She point blank refuses to wear any sort of bra and I don’t currently fight it. She’s a small 12 year old. However saying that she usually wears a body warmer under her jersey but not in the summer. She’s not embarrassed by her body changing just says doesn’t need or want to.

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