Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

DS(12) needs your thoughts. His parents are heartless

32 replies

RhubarbFairy · 12/06/2023 18:56

So far, we're up to 9 big sighs, a period spent with his head on his arms on the table, 5 flounces between the kitchen, living room, garden, and his bedroom (punctuated by those aforementioned sighs).

And his heartless parents have not asked him what's wrong.

Send him your prayers.

OP posts:
SnapPop · 12/06/2023 18:57

I need to know now! Ask him!

LemonSwan · 12/06/2023 18:59

Aww bless him. I feel like this sometimes!

Wendysfriend · 12/06/2023 19:00

Oh don't worry, you don't have long till the grunts and ignoring you and hiding in the bedroom. Oh and don't speak to them then as you're just a huge embarrassment. 🤪🤪

TeenDivided · 12/06/2023 19:03

As a matter of interest, why aren't you asking him?

Thehippowife · 12/06/2023 19:04

He wants something….

AP5Diva · 12/06/2023 19:04

Why haven’t you asked him? He crying out for a bit of affection and caring.

BlowDryRat · 12/06/2023 19:06

Aw. Do you know what's up?

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 12/06/2023 19:06

Why wouldn't you ask? Seems mean

Comedycook · 12/06/2023 19:06

He clearly wants attention...so why don't you ask him instead of taking the piss out of him on here?

RhubarbFairy · 12/06/2023 19:28

Ooof. Clearly, I needed to put 'light-hearted' as it wasn't clear in the tone of my post.

We haven't asked him what's wrong because we KNOW what the matter is. It's the same conversation we've had for months now.

He's in a piss because:

He got yet another disruption conduct point in RE today. This is becoming a weekly thing as well as in other lessons, and frankly, we're unimpressed by it.

As a consequence, he's lost his Switch and TV privileges today. He had his phone, but that locks after 3 hours use, so he's used all that time up.

It's not his fault he got the conduct point. His RE teacher hates him. He's not responsible for his disruption.

He kicked all of his footballs into the neighbours' gardens. This is a daily occurrence.

They haven't yet thrown them back. For the millionth time.

It's their fault that he doesn't have any footballs to play with. He's not responsible for them going over in the first place.

It's not his fault he's lost his Switch and the TV for today. Yes, he knew those were the consequences as they're not new to him. It's our fault for enforcing them.

The sighs and flouncing are to get us to bite and ask him if he's okay. The moment any one of us acknowledges it, he will absolutely rip our heads off. He will scream, shout, rage, and take zero responsibility for his own actions. So we're not biting. In fact, I happened to be in the garden, on the phone, when one ball went over. I made a palm up 'whoops' expression, and he squared up to me and started asking what I meant by that. I turned and walked away.

Forgive me for trying to make light of a tense environment in my house on a board that I thought would get it. It's not AIBU. I didn't ask if I was unreasonable not to ask him.

OP posts:
SeulementUneFois · 12/06/2023 19:35

Keep your nerve OP....!

(Actually squaring up to you doesn't sound great - you may want your DH to have a word...)

tedgran · 12/06/2023 19:36

😂Poor little chap!

RhubarbFairy · 12/06/2023 19:38

SeulementUneFois · 12/06/2023 19:35

Keep your nerve OP....!

(Actually squaring up to you doesn't sound great - you may want your DH to have a word...)

We have talked to him about it in he past. About personal space. Warned him that one day he'll do it to the wrong person and get a punch.

And we'll talk about this occasion too. But not now. That would just ignite it. That's why I turned my back, continued my conversation, and walked away. Allllll about the deescalation right now.

He has now taken himself to his room where he's hopefully calming himself down.

OP posts:
Popetthetreehugger · 12/06/2023 19:39

Aaaa I miss a good flounce (sighs) my queen flouncer is married with 2 small boys , I have high hopes for my eldest grandson ☺️if it gets boring, I’d pop on some music and hum along , probably don’t even need to start toe tapping or shoulder dancing 💃. Good for you with those inconvenient boundaries… bloody parent , doing that pesky good parenting 🍷🙌x

WonderingWanda · 12/06/2023 19:50

You sound like an epic parent op, keep up the good work!!

grayhairdontcare · 12/06/2023 20:03

I knew my parenting game was strong by how dramatic the flounce was

Smartiepants79 · 12/06/2023 20:12

The poor little poppet. How very dare you expect him to be responsible for his own actions.
I think you’ve handled it very well indeed.
Keep strong.

piedbeauty · 12/06/2023 20:49

You're doing great, op! 💪 Keep it up 💐

RhubarbFairy · 12/06/2023 21:21
Grin

Thanks all. Lights out now. DH had a chat to him just now, but he's still pissed off. DS's parting shot as we left his room after sating goodnight was 'I'm going to get conduct points, deal with it'.

We have left him to it with a 'goodnight, love you'.

Same kid that thinks we're completely unreasonable for not letting him have Snapchat because 'all his friends have it'.

OP posts:
AP5Diva · 12/06/2023 21:22

Why is he being disruptive? Or could it be possible he is being bullied by a teacher? (It’s not unheard of).

You’re unimpressed and quick with the punishments, but have you looked into the why behind what is going on with him?

Hedonism · 12/06/2023 21:28

Same kid that thinks we're completely unreasonable for not letting him have Snapchat because 'all his friends have it'.

Heartless, op, heartless.

N4ish · 12/06/2023 21:32

He sounds like a very angry child. Is there a chance he’s being bullied at school? I know you’re trying to make this light hearted but it actually seems quite serious.

RhubarbFairy · 12/06/2023 21:35

AP5Diva · 12/06/2023 21:22

Why is he being disruptive? Or could it be possible he is being bullied by a teacher? (It’s not unheard of).

You’re unimpressed and quick with the punishments, but have you looked into the why behind what is going on with him?

Because he thinks he's funny and he has no interest in some subjects, so he'd rather muck about than learn.

Despite repeated conversations about these disruptions, he keeps doing it, and so now there are consequences. Hardly quick punishments.

Given that he's had 5 conduct points over 6 days in 4 separate lessons, I'd say the common denominator is him and his choices.

Yes, we've looked into it pretty deeply. Thanks for your concern.

OP posts:
RhubarbFairy · 12/06/2023 21:36

Hedonism · 12/06/2023 21:28

Same kid that thinks we're completely unreasonable for not letting him have Snapchat because 'all his friends have it'.

Heartless, op, heartless.

I know. Completely brutal. Clearly, he's emotionally mature enough to have access to social media. I mean, why would we think otherwise?

OP posts:
RhubarbFairy · 12/06/2023 21:37

Thanks to all that have commented that get it. It's much appreciated.

OP posts: