Tell me about how to navigate preteens please

[WhatTheCluckedy]

I am struggling.

Please tell me about your 10 year old. Ours it would appear, doesn't hear us anymore and our house feels like a war zone.
I dread her coming home, you never know what mood she will be in and if you say just one thing wrong she could blow...
She won't don't chores, I'm sick of her grunting, whatevering, storming off and general approach of 'I don't care'

She takes no responsibility- think dirty pants on the floor. She thinks she doesn't have to as we have 2 toddlers who don't have to put their washing away etc (can you imagine)

Nothing works, limiting electronics, stopping privledges, time out even treats and 1:2:1 doesn't work... its great in the moment then when the reward or fun is done within minutes we are back to it.

I've been reading Sarah ockwell Smith and am even looking into whether she could be neuro diverse but honestly I'm struggling.

We are due to go on holiday next week, I don't even want to go home from work today let alone on holiday. What on earth will 13 be like?

Any wisdom will be appreciated!

No advice but it's actually reassuring to read that this is something that a lot of people are going through. It's a horrible age. I think a conflict between wanting to be independent but not being ready..so just want to control everything instead.

Joining as my almost 10 year old DD is being a demon so moody it's all happened so fast 🙃 I really miss her even just in year 4.

Does anyone have any advice re boys of the same age? I'm struggling with my soon to be 11 yr old.

@eloquent
If you think your child might have ADHD how should you change your parenting?
What should you do?

I have all this with my 11 year old but she has ASD ! It's a whole new ball game.

Solidarity! DD (11) was like this for a couple of years, then two things happened, so close together that it's hard to say which it was that made a difference, but I expect it was both. First of all she got her period, which gave her hormones something to do. Two weeks later she started middle school - and got the independence, challenge and focus she needed. This was last summer. She is a much nicer child now than she was a year ago. Hang in there!!

Another following in solidarity. Experiencing similar with dd2, I remember struggling with dd1 around the same age ish but not at the same level. Dd2's behaviour has always been more challenging though.

I do think a lot of it is about independence, and keeping up with friends and what they 'say' they are doing. Eg some friends stay up til 10.30 or never have to tidy their room or get an ice cream every single time the ice cream man goes past etc. A lot of things that probably don't actually happen but dd still feels hard done by and I'm so unfair.

I’d rather have the toddler years back. They were easy. An 11 year old who’s bigger than me, stronger than me and seems to be infuriated by my presence isn’t easy.

Praying that things will be better soon and DD will eventually become a decent human. DH cannot do wrong, whereas I’m the baddie.

Because you are the one she needs to separate from in order to grow up. Don't take any of it personally. She'll come back to you!

Thank you, I needed to hear that.

I worry she really does hate me, I’ve tried so hard to do right for her. I’m sure it’s nature.