So we find ourselves going round in circles
Normally our 10 yr old is a happy go lucky, little bit in her own world (very little concentration which we are working with the school with) polite, good as gold but the last few months or so I've found she's becoming almost like a teenager !
She's definitely developing so we give her her own space and she's become very independent. So I think puberty has a lot to do with it.
She has a circle of 5-6 friends both boys and girls where she has joined a what's app group - well about 8 different groups ( we got her a phone in lockdown all be it a bit young in my opinion but I think she was isolated from her friends ) anyway she loves talking to them most nights so I allow her to
But we hardly see her, my fiancé thinks it's too much but I'm very much of the opinion that friends are important and let her be happy etc
However we've found content on her phone which was 'silly' is what she's explained it to me
She knows we check it and she's clued up on internet safety
The girls were dancing and lifting their tops up! I was horrified - you couldn't see anything but it was done in a strip tease kind of way
We spoke to her yesterday and she said they were all doing it so joined in
Anyway a week later - we didn't take any electronics away because we spoke to her about how serious it was and she should know better ( she was screen shotting angles of her friends ) and we've told her they could be doing the same to her and it doesn't like nice or appropriate. I didn't agree with stopping her talking/talking away however yesterday I caught her doing it again - so now we've said no phone-iPad for one week whilst she thinks about what we've said
Her friends are same age but because she's an august baby most are a lot older !
She's still asleep but when she wakes I will give her the opportunity to go on her phone to tell the girls ( there are 3 of them including her) not the other friends to say she has no phone for a week due to the behaviour/pictures and that if she's not to participate when she rejoins them in a week. If we decide a week is enough but said we will see how the week goes
Have we done the right thing?
My issue is there were a lot of different issues with this phone, mainly silly things YouTube videos etc but some more serious than others - don't want to make the post too long but hopefully it outlines it ok - but it hasn't gone in a week ago even though I sat with her and talked her through what and why it was wrong and I don't mind her having a phone to talk to her friends but it's getting a bit much.
She's quite grown up for 10 ( 11 in august) and I know children grow up quicker and it was different in our day! (I'm 39) but also dread when she gets older and we don't have this 'control' not that I'm trying to control
Please help as I feel like I'm failing and can see there is an issue with this obsession with her phone ( which isn't free rein may I add, clubs, dinner time, homework we don't just let her sit for hours but some evenings it does feel that way)
Thank you