Worried about 11 dd weight

[lolbrador]

Hello

I've noticed quite a high weight gain in my eldest dd over last few months. She's very active, doing 6 classes a week and one team sports training session. Her diet is pretty balanced and healthy, normal day is porridge, apple and popcorn for snack, fruit, veg and wrap for lunch and then family tea. Often with a bit of fruit after school. I don't ever limit the fruit bowl.

I've read online that pre puberty can often lead to weight gain, however some articles contradict this. And I feel it's a complete minefield to discuss body shape and type without making her conscious of it, which she isn't at the moment. I just real all of the things about overweight children and I spiral.

Should I discuss it with her? Or do I just leave it as a normal part of puberty/growing up. I should add, she's relatively short for her age which probably makes it look worse.

Thank you

Leave it and don't say an absolute word. She will gain height soon.

Don't say anything at all, not even once! It sure would stay with her

Thank you @Guineapigbridge

This was my instinct, I just wasn't sure how long the weight stays before the height comes but I guess they're all different! Also, she's my eldest so I've not been through it before. And all of her friends are skinny twigs who didn't seem to do the weight gain thing

Both of my dd’s started looking at bit podgy as they hit puberty. They then shot up in height and it all evened out.

Thanks @merrygorounds0
I was thinking of mentioning it in a way which looked at more of a "family health kick" by all getting out a bit more and eating a bit less. Not sure when she would get the time with all her classes but was just an idea. But I suppose even that could stay with her

Thank you @WandaVision2 this makes me feel better. I was questioning her diet etc and wondering if I had done something

But you said she is already very active doing six classes a week. What type if classes are they? But you should absolutely start a health kick if youre currently living an unhealthy lifestyle. Lead by example.

I wouldn’t say anything but please keep an eye on it and be honest with yourself about how much you feed her.
Watch your portion sizes and watch for where she might be getting food you don’t know about.
It is possible that she will grow and slim down BUT it might not….

Sounds like she is very healthy indeed and her diet is great! (Much better than mine).

I would leave it alone. Conversations about weight at that age can be so damaging.

It was possibly the summer and a few extra treats here and there. Wait a few months and I bet it'll drop off.

Sounds like she’s due a growth spurt so nothing to worry about.

Are you concerned someone may be giving her treats you’re unaware of?

Could she be eating rubbish anywhere outside school? Like going to the chippy with mates on the way home or buying three bars of chocolate a day at the local shop?

If not she sounds healthy and fine.

This is the absolute danger point for anorexia. What kind of weight gain are you talking? It's a very dangerous line to tread and don't jump in unless you are seriously worried.

She's just gained weight around her arms and shoulders and her belly. It's not a massive weight gain, she's age 11 and will usually wear age 11-12. I bought her age 12 jeggings for school but they were big on the waist. She's always been a very fit and slim girl, but over the last year there's a real difference. I know lockdown didn't help. She does 4 dance classes and two gymnastic classes. As a family we're pretty healthy, I go to the gym and her dad does a lot of walking due to a hobby.

She does get occasional treats, e.g 1 biscuit a day. This is usually a treat size choc bar or fun size choc fingers, maybe this is wrong but I always thought if they were on offer and not seen as being forbidden then they hold less appeal! I know my parents are pretty generous with the treats but she isn't there often. We will have one takeaway a week usually, but the rest of the time it's soups, stews, pasta, stir fry etc. She knows about treat foods etc. She's still in primary so she doesn't get the opportunity to go with her friends to buy junk really.

I know a mum who started a similar family health kick for exactly this reason and in the end her 13 year old developed anorexia and ended up hospitalised. Agree with the others to ignore, especially after all the Covid anxiety we've all had the last few years.

You're right @ShoesEverywhere

She's happy, she's healthy and I'll monitor it/hope for a growth spurt

Just a little point though....fruit is high in sugar, albeit 'natural' sugar, so it should be limited to 2 or 3 pieces a day.
I agree that saying nothing for the moment would be best. Have a private chat with your GP or local nutritionist for advice if it still worries you.
I can't remember if you mentioned her water intake but that is something to keep an eye on. Hopefully she drinks enough of it.

@PainterInPeril maybe I need to limit the fruit. For example today she had a banana at break time, strawberries and raspberries for lunch, an orange after school and a nectarine after her dinner....she's pretty good with the veg too but fruit just tends to be her go to.

She's pretty good at drinking, her 700ml bottle comes back almost empty from school every day and she will drink at classes etc. But I will encourage more fluid

Oh bloody hell, limiting fruit. What next? Might as well hand your kid the Diet Culture Handbook now.

You’ve said she’s active. Her diet sounds healthy enough. Provide nutritious food, and encourage her to eat intuitively, and don’t police her.

Unless she’s really short, she sounds perfect, don’t make it a thing

@JazzerMcCreary I don't mean limit it as in police it, I'm thinking I maybe put more veg out there as an option or put more veg in the packed lunch. Maybe swap the grapes for something else, as she will stand and graze at the fruit bowl, I certainly didn't mean I would be policing it: would be a blooming impossible task unless I stand guard in the kitchen. I always think ahhh fruit, good for you etc but then when you do think about the sugars maybe not so good. I don't know, blooming minefield!

Thanks all for your input, I feel much better and can confirm I won't be having any sort of discussion about food

If she’s doing gymnastics and has got larger on her arms and shoulders, surely that is muscle? I know my friend’s DD who did gym squad had fairly bulky arms and shoulders at 9/10.

I would completely leave it, let her go through puberty, just maybe swap out overly refined carbs and keep up the protein. Fruit is fine at that age. If she starts widening around her waist that’s when you need to worry, but for now let her grow.

I wouldn't limit the fruit, or anything else if she's not eating it to excess. It's normal for pre teens to fill out and then grow upwards. I did similar at that age and I remember a family friend making a comment about puppy fat which has stayed with me (and not in a good way). She's active so it shouldn't be an issue.

Please don't say anything. My mum made comments about my body changing as I went into puberty and that started a diet-binge cycle that I'm still trapped in now at the age of 36. My relationship with food and my body is awful and I'm pretty certain it's a battle I'll now have to fight for the rest of my life. I was a perfectly slim and fit teenager, I was just filling out into a more womanly shape. Keep an eye on it, but don't damage her self-esteem, it's not easy to rebuild.

Thanks all, definitley will not be saying anything and enjoying my wee girl for what and who she is

I was definitley in a guilt spiral when I posted, but when I put it in perspective she is in absolutely no way massively overweight

Thank you all

Please do not mention it or make it known you are monitoring her food intake, you risk making her self conscious and giving her a bad relationship with good for the rest of her life. I am 28 and still remember when my grandmother made comments on my slight weight gain aged 13, I've had a terrible relationship with food and dieting ever since.
Honestly her diet sounds great, and she's very active. Grazing on fruit isn't at all bad, and if she's that active her body obviously needs extra calories. Maybe give her things that are going to fill her up a bit more then she won't feel like she has to graze. It's completely normal to put on some extra weight during puberty though, it will even back out again.

Girls gain body fat in puberty as their bodies prepare for child bearing. Boys gain muscle mass (eventually). I would let her know that her body will be changing and that its normal and desirable to grow and develop.
Encourage all your children to eat healthy with some treats, exercise for fun and base their self esteem on a wide range of things.