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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

Playdates - Yr 7/8

37 replies

Spoldge45 · 05/08/2021 20:09

Evening Ladies,

Just wondered if anyone has any playdate ideas for 12yr old girls? I realise they are much too old to play with toys etc..but what exactly can they do for 3/4 hours?

I'm happy for them to play on the PS4 for a hour or 2, but I'd feel a bit bad if they were doing this for the whole duration?

I brought some proper art shop clay recently, I thought that might go down well...but they don't seam interested? Occasionally I've done baking although this usually just ends up in a very messy kitchen!!

I'm just wondering what others do in this situation? Should I just leave them to it & accept they will be on screens for 4hrs, or does anyone have any better ideas!! Thanks

OP posts:
tiredanddangerous · 05/08/2021 20:17

My 13 year old and her friends like going for a walk/browsing in shops/going to costa. Or they gang out at each other's houses and stare at their phones together.

tiredanddangerous · 05/08/2021 20:17

*hang out

DameAlyson · 05/08/2021 20:18

Don't they go out to look around the shops or to a cafe?

I don't think parents of secondary school age children get involved in planning activities for when their friends visit, and I'm fairly certain they don't have 'playdates'! I should think they'd want to be able to talk without a parent listening.

Hoppinggreen · 05/08/2021 20:18

You just leave them to it at that age.
If you can make yourself invisible and not speak at all apart from to offer food then that’s ideal

NerrSnerr · 05/08/2021 20:19

Just offer food and leave them to it.

ohwhattodowithmylife · 05/08/2021 20:23

Mine just hang out with friends- take the dogs for a walk and go to the beach.
They go on a friends trampoline or do dance routines together.
They go to Costa and the shops
I wouldn't be getting involved in what they do - they need to think and decided for themselves with some guidance and boundaries of course but I wouldn't plan or buy specific activities for them. We do have art stuff and sometimes they paint togetehr

Bobbybobbins · 05/08/2021 20:24

Just leave them to it.

Original poster
Spoldge45 · 05/08/2021 20:50

Thanks for the suggestions so far. I do generally leave them to it, but just wanted to check if this is the norm? Its hard knowing now that I don't see any parents any more at secondary school!

If my DD went to a friends for a playdate, I would like to think she would do 'something' however small other than stare at a screen, but maybe I am expecting too much?

My DD is only just 12 & isn't really into going out by herself yet, she will go to the local park 5 mins away with a friend, but the park is rapidly loosing its appeal these days!!

We don't have a Costa or anything similar nearby. Anything like that would require a bus ride, which she probably wouldn't be confident doing yet.

OP posts:
Thebookswereherfriends · 05/08/2021 20:54

I think you need to reframe it in your mind. If your child is 12 then it is not a play date, it’s just meeting up with friends. At 12 they are perfectly capable of deciding what they want to do without parental input. Offer food at some point, but otherwise leave them to it.

m0therofdragons · 05/08/2021 20:56

They hang out, practise Tiktok dances, try out makeup, take dog for a walk 🤷🏻‍♀️

MsFogi · 05/08/2021 20:57

You just leave them to it at that age - in year 7 the "play dates" ranged from playing with the play mobil that was still out to watching movies to going to the shops (all depends on the personalities involved) to playing on the Switch.

NerrSnerr · 05/08/2021 20:59

It's really not a play date at that age. It's just hanging out with friends.

liveforsummer · 05/08/2021 21:02

I'm not sure I haven't been involved in any of this since Dd turned 10. As others have said they hang out, go to park, walk the dog, walk to tesco sometimes they go and make something in the kitchen but I'm not involved. I only provide something if Dd specifically asks

icedcoffees · 05/08/2021 21:34

At twelve she should be more than capable of catching the bus to town with friends and going to Costa or Starbucks or the cinema on her own.

Play dates are for primary children, not 12 year olds!

ohwhattodowithmylife · 05/08/2021 22:28

We live in a little village so no Costa or anything like that nearby but if they want to go to the local town with friends to do that one parent will drop them off and another will pick them up say 2 hours later - buses here are not frequent at all!

ShinyGreenElephant · 05/08/2021 22:33

My dd12 would be mortified if I arranged an activity for her friends! They just disappear into her room, or walk to the shops / costa / beach / park or sit in the garden playing obnoxious music. I leave them alone and just offer food now and again

MyOtherProfile · 05/08/2021 22:39

Walk to corner shop for some snacks, chat, make videos, chat, make jewelry with a box of beads and threads, chat, watch a movie, chat, do make up, chat, write up a bucket list, chat, make smoothies, chat...

MsTSwift · 05/08/2021 22:40

Same. Mine will bake a cake together but with strictly zero involvement from me. Their main thing is going into town to browse or get bubble tea and hang out in the park. We have a hot tub they go in that. There’s mini golf too. I grew up in the countryside myself god it was deadly dull from 10 upwards hence I haven’t inflicted on my girls .

Original poster
Spoldge45 · 06/08/2021 20:11

Thanks for the suggestions. My DD was still playing with Lego at Christmas so going into town/coffee shops etc...seems like a huge jump!!

She hasn't ever expressed an interest in doing any of these things.

She is big kid at heart, she likes climbing trees & still likes some of the bigger parks with more stuff for older children in our area.

I don't want to make her grow up faster than she is ready to, but I do want her to enjoy time with her friends.

Things like shopping/coffee shops & trying make up weren't things I did until I was 15/16, but I guess its a different world now? Kids seem to do everything so much younger!! Gosh what will it be like in another 5 years..Eeek!!

OP posts:
MissyB1 · 06/08/2021 20:14

I have a ds that age, obviously boys are a bit different. He and his mates go to a bike track together. If they come to our house they are out on scooters or bikes, then come in for snacks and some screen time.

liveforsummer · 07/08/2021 07:30

Why are boys a bit different? My Dd does all those things!

BikeRunSki · 07/08/2021 07:37

@NerrSnerr

Just offer food and leave them to it.
This is pretty much what I do. They play video games, go outside and shoot some basketball hoops Bh, might wander down to the sweet shop or playground to see if any school friends are there. I make sandwhiches and leave them to it.
LadyFuschia · 07/08/2021 07:46

We live in a village & I either have arranged to drop DD in town to go round the shops & buy a milkshake, while I sit & have a coffee on my own which is lovely, or she’ll go out on her scooter / skateboard or play football if it’s a friend also into that. Dd doesn’t love makeup or tiktok dances. Other things you could try would be swimming / cinema / McDonald’s? Or encourage her to be assertive if she likes doing something creative? But yes they do like sharing space without necessarily interacting, by being on their phones...

Glitterblue · 09/08/2021 01:37

Mine is going into year 7. When she has friends round here, they go for endless walks round the farm road that we live on, play on the trampoline, sit and chat in her bedroom, play on the xbox, play boardgames and run about in the garden. They also draw together and watch movies.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 09/08/2021 01:50

good ideas above.
the only thing I can add is to not call it a playdate. they are not 5