Both children hysterical

[Disabrie22]

To not drip feed, my side of the family has several family members with diagnosed anxiety, depression and OCD and two have had nervous breakdowns. Everyone deals with this via medication, family support, counselling but sadly for us it is a proven genetic problem. Their father is also anxious and has been very Covid anxious.

Both my children seem to have had emotional regulation issues. The slightest thing will drive them to hysteria very quickly. For example half term has been beyond exhausting with the constant upsets. Neither are easy when it comes to leaving the house - the 11 year old never wants to go anywhere so will kick off crying and wailing and the 9 year old has issues with clothes so will become hysterical at the prospect of getting dressed - it’s very much about social anxiety.
The 11 year old will cry, wail and shout at every change no matter how preparation we give him. If we don’t prep him at all he will go into horrendous meltdown.
Covid has made the problem harder as it just creates more hurdles, disappointments.
I can honestly say we’ve tried so many different techniques - I’m in special education so well aware of managing transitions, emotions and my husband is also firm but patient and understanding. Can I also just rule out autism as this has been ruled out by their school journeys.
I can honestly say my son has always struggled with his emotions to the point where a meltdown is expected by family members and a good day without a meltdown is such a relief. School is regularly calling us as the slightest injury brings on a huge meltdown and they are concerned.

Easter has been hard going with both kids alternatively kicking off. I have organised light time out - park, walks into town with friends but even that has been challenge for my son.

What would you do to move this forward? I feel like myself and my husband are exhausted from the constant wailing and shouting.

My experience is that most schools are slow to identify SEN and often totally miss SEN.

GPS don’t have enough specialist knowledge and need to refer on

Sounds like ASD to me. Absolutely nothing to do with intelligence. Neurotypical children have also suffered throughout the lockdowns, but in my experience this manifests as a flatness of mood rather than wailing and resistance to change.

Also, a specialist dyslexia teacher is only trained to diagnose dyslexia. I have worked with children who are later diagnosed with ADHD, which, when treated, appears to improve the 'dyslexia'. It is far better to get a full Ed Psych report from a reputable EP who can delve deeper. I say this as a tutor specialising in dyslexia.

I may be wrong but Im pretty sure an ed psych can't diagnose autism. I think it needs to be a child psychiatrist (who specialises in ASD)

OP, if you can afford it then save yourself a lot of hassle and get a private assessment done.

I agree with a private assessment if possible. If SEN are ruled out, he might benefit from some counseling. My DS (12) suffers from anxiety and had some counseling -private- our doctor recommended a counselor who focuses on adolescents. DS soon struck up a rapport with him and felt comfortable discussing his fears.

What made the difference was that the counselor taught DS some techniques to deal with his emotions HIMSELF, rather then us trying to reassure him/calm him down. It made DS feel far more in control and able to rationalize his anxieties.

We did two-week sessions for a few months, then monthly as DS was feeling much better. His last one was on Zoom last August just before he started a new school. He coped well with the transition and although he has the occasional anxious day, he’s able to calm himself down much better now.

I’d definitely recommend asking your GP for some recommendations-good luck.💐

Sorry, I should’ve read to the end, I see you’ve already spoken to your GP.

Re. Having family support sessions as your DH suggested. I considered this for us as well, but with hindsight, I think it was better for DS to see his counselor individually. It gave him a chance to be totally open with his counselor without worrying about what Mum or Dad thought. I expect he complained about us and his sister sometimes! I always joined them for a summary at the end, but generally waited in the adjoining waiting room while they talked. Or I left the room when they transitioned to Zoom sessions last year. I think it made DS feel more grown up and in control of the situation.

I can tell you what the paediatrician said when he first saw my son after I had had to visit many times and been fibbed off with suggestions and reading matter and GPS insistence that son definitely wasn't autistic The Paediatrician said on seeing son " so you think he has autism and your GP thinks that there are no cause for concern and you are anxious. My concern is just how bad a child has to be before your GP refers to a paediatrician because I agree with you he is displaying signs of autism" Son was subsequently diagnosed following a multi disciplinary assessment. GPS aren't experts in anything their role is to refer on to those that are.

@hiredandsqueak

I can tell you what the paediatrician said when he first saw my son after I had had to visit many times and been fibbed off with suggestions and reading matter and GPS insistence that son definitely wasn't autistic The Paediatrician said on seeing son " so you think he has autism and your GP thinks that there are no cause for concern and you are anxious. My concern is just how bad a child has to be before your GP refers to a paediatrician because I agree with you he is displaying signs of autism" Son was subsequently diagnosed following a multi disciplinary assessment. GPS aren't experts in anything their role is to refer on to those that are.

Hi hiredandsqueak Out of curiosity, when was that? I'm asking because my child was assessed about a year ago and the paediatrician said they use a grading system. My child scored 4 on the spectrum out of a possible 10. Children who score higher than 6 are eligible for publicly-funded support and interventions.

Update - we got a book called The Anxiety Gremlin - CBT book the doctor recommended and my husband is working through it every night (I am going to do with our daughter after.) We are trying to really encourage much more talking about feelings, disappointments and also encourage the children to talk to each other, lean on each other too if they have worries or upsets.
Things do feel calmer for now - I know it’s more about acknowledging and accepting feelings rather than panicking because of the fear of a big meltdown. I think we get stuck in emotional, behavioural ruts as a family - and have to check our responses or whether we have actually thrown the kids into situations they really don’t want without consulting them.
The pandemic has not helped build confidence in the kids and I think my own fears about my children declining in this situation have made me push my oldest more. It’s because I could see how much confidence the situation had taken from him and inwardly I couldn’t cope with the fact that it had clearly made him so unhappy. I was trying to force him through this rather than accept the way he’s feeling - fed up, not wanting to go anywhere - not feeling motivated.
There’s still hysteria but it’s something I am beginning to see more clearly and understand - trying to find positive ways of working through it.

School have been so supportive still - I think we are on an upward learning curve. Hoping to gain more support on navigating the children’s emotions - and my own.

The GP left the door wide open for a referral anytime we need it.