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My 10 yo genuinely looks 15 - she hates it

47 replies

toadstool32 · 10/04/2021 07:08

She's 5'3, fully developed and at least a whole head taller than her peers and still taller than many 12/13yo we know. Facially she looks like a teenager too; she's lost that young child facial roundness iykwim. She cries regularly about looking in her words "like a giant". I cringe when people say to her "oh haven't you grown" and "gosh you're so tall" because it knocks her so much. There's no one even especially tall in the family. I'm 5'4 and her dad 5'11. I tell her she's beautiful and she has an enviable figure but what can I do to give her confidence? She's only ten (eleven next month) and whilst very mature for her age she's still just a kid and likes to play like a kid.

OP posts:
HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 10/04/2021 07:25

She can't change how tall she is, she needs to learn to accept it. If you're only 5ft4 it's likely she won't get a huge amount taller.

DD is year 6 5ft6 wears size 10 clothes and size 7 shoes and over lockdown gained breasts and periods. She looks like an adult from behind. At school there are a few tall girls, not as tall as she is though and she taller than most of the female teachers.

The toughest part of having a tall but preteen daughter is finding appropriate clothes, over lockdown Dd pretty much lived in Hollister lounge wear she's not into fashion at the moment which is handy but alot of shops I've looked at the clothes don't seem appropriate for a preteen.

If she's finding it upsetting then you need to find some information about tall, female role models you're likely to find them in women's sport where being tall is an advantage, particularly swimming and basketball.

To give her confidence get her into a sport where being tall is an advantage if she sees it as a positive thing then she'll like it.

weareallpassengers · 10/04/2021 07:31

PP mentioned getting your DD into a sport where tall is an advantage. what about a cheer team ( if you have one near). I have a DD 11.,who is actually very short but is a in cheer team as a flyer which she loves. .I tell her she would be a flyer if she was tall. but cheer is a team sport. ...They need the taller stronger girls to enable the stunts. ,everyone has a place.

weareallpassengers · 10/04/2021 07:31

Wouldn't be a flyer ..

Whatamuddleduck · 10/04/2021 07:32

She’s 10, does she want to be told she has an enviable figure?
Maybe focus on her being strong and healthy and all the cool things her body can do. Can she reach high, run fast etc. All the things her body does that enable her to play with her friends. And that everyone else will catch up. Explain that it’s totally normal that bodies develop at different rates and that people are all kinds of different sizes. It’s being fit and healthy that matters and enjoying your body for what it enables you to do.

itsgettingwierd · 10/04/2021 07:36

My friends DD was like this. 5"5 fully developed and started her periods at 10.

She's now 5"6 and 17!

Yes she developed early but everyone caught up.

I think it's worth telling her how beautiful she is, allowing her to have the wider choice of clothing it opens up (nice woman's and not just teen stuff)
Also remind her she'll in be secondary school soon and be around 15/16yo and so she'll blend in better.

Ahbahbahbah · 10/04/2021 07:38

Also maybe tell her how to handle attention from men - my friend developed early and when we were 11 adult men were regularly coming on to her, it was very scary/upsetting as she had no idea how to respond. A teacher eventually told her to say “Hello, I’m 11, how old are you?” to any man leering at her, which at least saw off the ones who’d genuinely thought she was older.

toadstool32 · 10/04/2021 07:45

Omg @Ahbahbahbah that's terrifying.

Yes she started her period in January. She needs age 12-13 trousers for length but they fall down from the waist. She loves the New Look girls range otherwise most stuff is H&M, she's very image conscious at the moment.

It just makes me sad that she's sad.

Sport wise she's a good netballer and a competitive trampolinist

OP posts:
Christmasfairy2020 · 10/04/2021 08:02

My dd was 11 in jan 5ft3. Looks like a teen and a size 7.5 in a shoe. Don't worry x

Christmasfairy2020 · 10/04/2021 08:03

My dd wears a size 8 or 10. Buy ladies clothing in a size 4 or 6 xx

HelloDulling · 10/04/2021 08:06

That’s really not unusual at her age. By Year 6, there are usually several girls with developed bodies, super tall. If she’s really the only one now, she won’t be when she starts Year 7. And the others will catch up soon too.

FontyMcFontface · 10/04/2021 08:15

I really don’t think it’s that unusual. My 11yo dd is 5ft6. She’s tall, yes. But doesn’t stand out too much. She’s taller than some 13yo but others look like adults.
One of her best friends is absolutely tiny (same height as my 7yo) with size 12 feet! She hates that as everyone thinks she’s a small child.

thedevilinablackdress · 10/04/2021 08:19

I'd maybe not day the 'enviable figure' thing again. That's probably a bit too grown up and scary a concept for her at her age.

exexpat · 10/04/2021 08:22

DD was the tallest child in the school in yr6, started periods when she had just turned 11, and regularly got mistaken for a teenager. She only grew an inch or so after that, and over the next couple of years her friends caught up and overtook her in height, so this is really a short term problem.

exexpat · 10/04/2021 08:24

By the way, I wouldn't go overboard in emphasizing how great it is to be tall because girls who start periods young usually stop growing soon after so she is unlikely to be a particularly tall adult.

BeetyAxe · 10/04/2021 08:26

I was your daughter and hated it. As previous poster said teach her how to respond to unwanted attention from men. Ask her if she would prefer to wear clothes that will help minimise her breasts, that would have helped me so much as I was so self conscious about them. You can ask her this without making her feel like she should though, and certainly do it without any sense she should be ashamed of herself or her body. Treat her still like the child she is, explain things to her in a way she’ll understand. Just because her body is grown doesn’t mean her brain has caught up yet. I spent a lot of time confused at that age as people spoke to me like I should know certain things (like about periods) and I didn’t , which just made everything feel out of control.

HalfSiblingsMadeContact · 10/04/2021 08:27

We're tall and both DD and DS grew early. DD was tall most of the way through primary school, but probably stopped growing age 11/ barely 12. She's around 5'7 or 8 I think - the "little one" in our family though still above average. Adapting from being tall to not being tall (especially once the boys in her year grew lol) was a bit strange for her I think.

I agree with those who suggest your daughter probably won't end up much taller than you, so she's going to get the double whammy of coping with being taller than her peers now, but then seeing a lot of them pass her later. Great that she's into sports - help her have the advantages she's got now and, especially with trampolining you might be able to remind her when relevant that she can master stuff and probably won't grow out of being able to do it later.

I hope you can just keep supporting her, tell her she's lovely and you love her, help her stay confident in herself. It will get easier over the next year I expect.

By 12 or 13 my children, just as happened to my sister and I, were usually assumed to be older teens. Sometimes great, often not helpful. Only the other day I was chatting with someone in a waiting room and commented on DS (who was with me) being 15 - and she was startled, commenting she thought he was about 20. Masks may have exacerbated that of course! I only laughed and said the crazy thing is he looked pretty much that way at 13 ...

Gloschick · 10/04/2021 08:27

I wouldn't be emphasising tall role models as PP have suggested above. As she has started her periods, she won't grow much more and will probably end up the same height as you. Just reassure her that this is going to be a very brief phase and before long, the other kids will have caught up.

TheVolturi · 10/04/2021 08:30

Dsd was like this. She is 17 this year and she literally didn't grow any more, we thought she was going to be 6ft the rate she shot up. So by age 10 she was towering above her peers and looked so much older, but now she's quite small in comparison.
It's hard for them though when they look older!

Tiggerdig · 10/04/2021 08:31

I was your daughter. I have a photo of me with my friends age 11 and towering over them. Now we are adults I’m still 5 ft 3 and they are 5ft 9 and 5 ft 10! The tallest friend was short until hitting puberty at 15.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 10/04/2021 08:36

By 10 I was probably around the same height. I'm 5ft 10 now afaik. I absolutely hated being tall when I was younger. Couldn't get trousers to fit, people commented on it all the time (they still do even now).
She may not get much taller. Perhaps this was her growth spurt, but tell her after years of hating being tall, now as an adult (30) I hate when I'm in the company of a woman that's taller than me 🤣 I'm so used to being the tallest woman in the room most of the time, that when I meet someone taller I domt like it 😂.

Unsuremover · 10/04/2021 08:37

This is like a message from my past. I reached my full adult height at 11, I could easily pass for 19 by 14. A lot of it I hated, honestly. But I didn’t care about my appearance, I think because it changed so much. So I just wore what my mum got me and she dressed me like an adult, because I was the size of an adult. I got a lot of attention from boys and men, that wasn’t them being creepy particularly, a lot were deeply embarrassed when they realised I was so young but it was too late by then.
Times are different now, looking back I would have loved to dress quite sporty, beyond tracksuits. Because that’s not overtly sexual. And with colour and accessories you can dress your age, which is young! I would be finding other young tall women, probably on Instagram, sportswomen probably, and see why kind of look they are rocking. The first time I saw a young Venus Williams I couldn’t believe it.
And let her behave like a kid, I’m not saying you don’t, but I was treated like an adult so acted like an adult.

Also 1 consolation is that when every was sharing awkward school dance photos, mine looked fine because I was fully through puberty and had an adult shape.

upsydaisyssinging · 10/04/2021 08:39

Oh, poor thing.
Agree with pp about teaching her how to deal with men. Also about getting clothes that minimise her boobs so she can feel like a kid. My 10 year old is very into dungarees and they are good for that, also looser tops.
It won't be long and all her friends will catch up.

Whatisupwithme · 10/04/2021 08:41

My 10 YO DD is the same, about 5ft 2 or 3 and towering over her friends. She was only 10 in January and, thankfully, hasn't started her period, but I don't think it can be far away.

Lougle · 10/04/2021 08:47

If she's started her periods, she's likely to be 5'5" maximum as an adult (general rule of thumb is 2" after start of periods). Definitely move her on to adult clothing. My girls all went into adult clothing as soon as they hit 5' and had hips.

goldielockdown2 · 10/04/2021 08:48

My daughter is the same but either hasn't 'clicked' that she's an early developer yet or doesn't really care.
I wouldn't pass comments on her figure, shape or anything like that but address the height 'issue'. I'd tell her she isn't different and that the others will soon catch up with her height wise. In the meantime if there's anything she wants to do to make her feel better, support her. Clothes etc. For me it was shaving my legs. It became an issue because I was self conscious but mum wouldn't allow me to do it. It felt awful and I wish she'd have just let me at the moment I first felt insecure about it.

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