My 10 yo genuinely looks 15 - she hates it

[toadstool32]

She's 5'3, fully developed and at least a whole head taller than her peers and still taller than many 12/13yo we know. Facially she looks like a teenager too; she's lost that young child facial roundness iykwim. She cries regularly about looking in her words "like a giant". I cringe when people say to her "oh haven't you grown" and "gosh you're so tall" because it knocks her so much. There's no one even especially tall in the family. I'm 5'4 and her dad 5'11. I tell her she's beautiful and she has an enviable figure but what can I do to give her confidence? She's only ten (eleven next month) and whilst very mature for her age she's still just a kid and likes to play like a kid.

Oh you've all been so reassuring. I think she's perfect the way she is but I'm sad that she's sad. She loves hoodies but moving into summer we'll need a rethink. It's interesting to hear that growth will slow now she's got her period. I'll have a read into that and sure that'll reassure her

Re the hoodies, honestly teenagers can wear the most weather inappropriate things! Mine will sometimes wear a hoodie with the hood up in summer and then be wanting to wear shorts in colder times (albeit flannel knee length ones).
What about lighter material or cotton hoodies with denim cut offs like California style? Very casual and actually quite covered up.

I also don't think 'enviable figure' and 'beautiful' are the way to go. If girls' problems are all about judging them by their appearance, then why add to the problem.

I'd go down the line of
a) doing whatever you can to encourage interests. Sport where, she might be able to enjoy her physical strength. Possibly also something more cerebral - chess/Scrabble - which is about using the mind.

b) The sorts of clothing typically marketed to preteens don't help. Can you look out for clothes which she will like but which don't add to the whole thing about premature sexualisation. They may be hard to find, but it can be done.

Sorry, wasn't clear. I just meant that if she's found something she's comfortable with then just let her crack on. Also know she isn't a teen yet, was just thinking about my kids and their friends, and also my own 10 YO

My last year of primary school I was the tallest in my class at 5 foot 2 , everyone else grew and I've been the same hight ever since 😂😂 just reassure her that everyone else will catch up to her eventually and that everyone develops at different times. After the summer I would wager than a few more will have shot up .

The tallest girl in year 6 ended up being one of the shortest by year 8/9 in my DDs year. So she may not grow much more.

I was your daughter when I was younger, I was always the tallest in the class, in the middle at the back of school photos, started my period in year 6. I’m only 5’4 now, even though my mum is 5’6 and my dad and brother are 6’2! I stopped growing age 12 so it isn’t an indication she will be really tall.
I really hated it too so I feel for her, I felt like everyone else in my class looked like a child and I felt huge and awkward next to them. I was so self conscious and very miserable about my appearance through my teens until I got to 16 and everyone else caught up. Things like swimming at school were the worst as there was nothing to hide my body in!

I also second @goldielockdown2 my mum was so reluctant to let me shave my legs because it was an ‘adult’ thing and I wish she had let me sooner as this would have helped as my body was adult and it just gave me another thing to be self conscious about.

Also making sure her clothes fit is important, if she is slim (you said 12-13 is too big on her waist) you might find small adult sizes fit her height better. Asos does a UK4 which is a 24” waist and there’s definitely some suitable clothes, they do great t-shirts and hoodies.

My DD2 started her period at age 8! (I had her to the pediatrician and he said "Normal range is 8-16 so somebody has to be 8").
She was 5'1 and only grew one more inch.
Her bust developed immediately and she was the only girl in 3rd grade with a support bra.
But my biggest problem was that she was "hit on" by boys who looked at her figure and didn't know or care about her age.
She was very into riding and went to the stables twice a week. She mentioned that she didn't have to saddle her horse anymore because the stablehand always did it for her. The next lesson I left the waiting area and walked into the stable with her. After she took her already-saddled horse to the rink, I cornered the teenage stable boy and told him that she was only nine years old. He turned green. I suggested that he let all the other boys know her age and that her mother was in the parents' waiting area for every lesson.

The next week she had to saddle her own horse.

I was 5'6 at 11. I used to wear my mum's jumper to school. But I was a scruffy bugger whose mum cut her hair, so still looked like a child. Albeit the same height as my teachers.

However, I was very aware that as I looked older, I should behave in a more grown up way in case people judged me. I didn't start my periods until I was about 13 though, so I ended up 5'9. I hated my height until I was about 16. Love it as an adult.

Oh bless your dd @GeorgiaGirl52

You can tell her I've been 5ft 11 since I was 11!

I think there is a blessing of them developing whilst still at Primary school, my Dd hasn't been mortified by talking about BO, periods and body hair whereas at secondary I think she would. Although she has said because I'm a science teacher that teaches these things to lots of other people it's not as weird.

Once she commented on her leg hair I taught her to shave her legs safely by running her a bubble bath, asked her if she wanted to wear a swimsuit but she didn't mind and then gave her the shaving cream and razor and taught her how to do it and what not to do. Told her there were other options and she didn't have to remove her body hair if she didn't want to. Nobody had this conversation with me and I used to use my dad's razor are cut myself several times.

Periods, started off with disposable teen ones we had in the house, had a discussion about environmental impact, she tried reusable - doesn't mind those but a bit thick, just bought her period pants from Cheeky wipes to try. Again I don't think we would have had these convos if she was older.

When she developed BO, and boy did her pits stink to begin with I bought her scrubbingtons deoderant it's purposefully designed for adolescents as they can be really smelly whilst their hormones settle down but without as many chemicals as the likes of Mitchums.

We were able to have very sensible conversations about these things without the teenage embarrassment she probably would have shown by 13. I know having those conversations with my parents as a teenager I wanted a hole to open up and swallow me whole but because they are still in primary school they are still accepting of our guidance.

@toadstool32

Oh you've all been so reassuring. I think she's perfect the way she is but I'm sad that she's sad. She loves hoodies but moving into summer we'll need a rethink. It's interesting to hear that growth will slow now she's got her period. I'll have a read into that and sure that'll reassure her

Have you thought at looking at petite range of adult clothes? She may find things she's more comfortable in herself in.

I'm 5"7 and wear tall clothing. It's for those 5"7 and over but I have a real thing about short t shirts and so prefer this range.

She may find a woman's petite size 4/6 is a better fit length wise than a girls 12-13.

Maybe next week when shops open if she could have a shopping trip and really find things she's comfortable in it may help her feel better about herself.

The tallest friend was short until hitting puberty at 15.

This was me, in yr 12 I was the 2nd shortest of my group of 5, yr 13 the tallest at 5ft 10. My feet stopped growing at a younger age though.

Just measured her and she's 159 cm (red book 99th centile) and 5st11 (50th centile). Tall and slim!

Of shes only 50th centile for weight I suspect she looks like a tall 10 year old not a 15 year old.

She will go to secondary school soon, there will be plenty of girls her height. People will catch her up, in the meantime I agree focusing on her netball and sport is good.the sad thing is the shorter girls will probably be sad because she looks older, I think this is just part of becoming a teenager

My mum always says she was 5'2 at 10, and is still 5'2 at 50!

Ask her if she would prefer to wear clothes that will help minimise her breasts, that would have helped me so much as I was so self conscious about them. You can ask her this without making her feel like she should though, and certainly do it without any sense she should be ashamed of herself or her body

How exactly do you ask someone if they want to hide their breasts, without making it sound as if they are something that should be hidden?

She’ll probably fall into it naturally, most teens end up in jeans and hoodies anyway.

Only thing I did was encouraged sports bras rather than underwire frilly or lacy ones. Not the massive shock absorber style, but the Nike, under armour, crop top with interesting strap arrangement ones :) hold everything in properly without being a “bra” in the traditional sense. Far comfier too. I refused to wear a bra for ages as a teen until I discovered you didn’t have to have underwires and lace.

Although if she’s a trampolinist she’s probably cottoned on to those?

I’m pretty sure I was about 5’6” when I was 10 , I ended up at 5’8” and definitely wouldn’t want to be shorter . My daughter was 5’3” at 10 with size 4.5 feet , she’s now 21 and is 5’5” with size 4.5 feet , she’s the midget in our family . She has the opposite issue to your daughter as she easily still passes for 14/15 , when we are out together people often offer us the child price for entry to places .

@DIshedUp she definitely looks like a teenager. Teenage spots, no young child puppy fat, but definite breasts. I'm just hoping now that having her period (well she's had two) will start to slow things down. Bone X-ray age 8 showed bone age was +3months which baffles me, I'd expect a lot more as she's always tracked 98/99th centile since birth

I'd tell her it's likely she won't grow much more and is just developing early. I was much taller than my peers in year 7 but they soon caught up and I'm pretty average now.

I must have been 5ft4 at 11 I’m now 5ft6.5 the 2 inches after periods where definitely true for me. I hated too so my sympathies for your dd.

@toadstool32

My DD (13) had always been small and dainty;people would comment that she reminded them of a pixie/fairy/doll.I entirely get where they were coming from on that.

Age 9 she started having a huge grown spurt.Starting secondary school she was already a good head taller than her peers.

At 13 she looks older than she is,she's 5ft 8 and slender with womanly curves;in fact she has naturally really wide hips and has to wear a 32DD bra and a size 16.

She is absolutely mortified by how she looks;she hates it especially as her height makes her stand out and not to boast here but she has striking features;long blonde hair,green eyes,really long dark lashes etc so she gets attention from boys which she hates.

I'm hoping as she gets older she'll become more comfortable within her own skin.