Any SN? It sounds as if she DOES know what they are if she wiped and found what she thought was a spot of blood. Haven't her friends started and been talking about it? Dd's friends had a bloody list of who was 1st, second etc

Maybe just leave pads in her room with a post it note saying stick inside your pants and change every few hours or more often when you start.

I have to say I wondered about ASD with your first post. Poor kid :( The changes of puberty can be so hard on some children, it's so horrible to feel that your body is out of your control.

Perhaps if you try to approach it as these are the different ways you can manage periods when they start instead, help her feel like she does have some control?

Not sure if this is a silly suggestion, but is there any chance that she's transgender and really struggling with such a symbol of femininity, but feels unable to tell you?

On another thread tonight someone recommended a 'first period' box by sanitaryowl. Just looked at it myself and I may well order for DD. Is she anti about other 'growing up' stuff like boobs/sweating etc or just the periods thing?

My daughter was a little like this. She seemed fine discussing it though, more " oh mum I know" I left pads in her bathroom drawer, tried to talk to her etc, then one night they started, she was quite late, about 14, she came in to our bedroom and woke me up to tell me, when I went to her room with her she was nigh on hysterical.

Said it was disgusting, that she didn't want it, couldn't believe there was blood coming out of her, the whole shebang. I tried to calm her down, eventually afterabout an hour I snapped and was " this is it, you can't change it, just manage it"

Next period she was fine, she's now 19 and has been totally fine since. I think it's the shock of seeing actual blood. She will be fine, honestly. They adjust,

Poor DD sorry I have no good advice as don't have teenage daughters but my niece from being very young had/has the craziest PMT and many screaming fits, locking herself in the bathroom etc

I think St. John's wart and something else herbal was recommended, I'm not saying tobget that though just have a look for that sort of herbal vitamin type thing to see if it would help.

Also I think there are books that I read around that time like Jaqueline Wilson or Angus thongs type stories that she might be more open to rather than jumping in with the medical science stuff behind it all

Does she understand the process of periods? You say she refused to go to the talk about it at school? DD was pretty freaked out even though she knew what was going to happen and I had explained it all to her. She had forgotten though and the idea of blood makes her feel faint. I described it as not being blood but that it was the breakdown of the womb lining which builds up each month. This made her feel better. I think a small part of her was worried she would bleed to death!

Your poor DD, and you, having to see her going through this.

My DD was just like this, until I took her to the GP, who explained there was nothing to worry about and told her that she wasn't seriously ill.

Even though I'd previously spoke to her about it and got her a book, she was only satisfied with someone 'in authority' reassuring her.

Btw, my DD does have ASD and has lots of trust in people she sees as having authority.

I'm a blood fainter and always get very very angry when people ask me 'don't you faint every month then' with a sly look 🙄🙄
Made me feel better to know it doesn't actually look like the blood we expect ... it's not bright red and gushing like a wound and that it's not a large amount of blood ... something like a tablespoon each month .. that made me feel better x

Oh poor you, this does sound hard.

No real ideas except for lots and lots of reassurance, and gentle drip of necessary information.
Leave a book and pads etc where she can get them when she wants to.
Lilets do a little starter bag thing, pretty bag with a few pads in.

Sorry I just cant get passed the post that offers trans as a reason

I was the same as your DD OP.
I loved being a little girl. Growing up was scary and everything would change. Starting my period the first step to that so I absolutly pretended it was not happening.

I did however accept it and having periods became the norm especially when my friends started theirs.
I think the suggestions by most posters are great and tge way forward.

I remember when I started my periods I thought you bled once and that was it, I didn't realise it was continuous for a week (I lived with my dad so obviously these things didn't crop up in conversation 🙄)

So I would suggest being very honest with her with what happens, give her full knowledge so when it does happen she won't worry. Tell her she always needs a pad on which needs to be changed, she might get cramps and to take a paracetamol and a hot water bottle if it happens.

I remember having the most horrible pain with my periods and I had no one to talk to about it cos I couldn't with my dad, I was literally on the bathroom floor crying with agony 🙁

I'm terrified of this, dd doesn't want to talk about it age 9. She hates blood and gore and anything dirty, can't talk about death or pretty much anything about history because it involves death and torture. Dreading this happening to her so much. Feel for you

Don't feel too bad about not being able to explain to her OP. Dd was a bit 'jesus christ mum, shut up'. I persisted and her first period arrived. I was all smug that she came and told me, that she had pads and was OK with everything.

After a week she came downstairs with half a pack of unused pads to throw away
Asked her why and she said 'well I don't need them now, I have had my period'. Said she needed to save them for next month and she was horrified and devastated that this happened every month.

Sigh. So I didn't do such a good job after all.

Frouby - sorry but your dd really made me smile - I've had me period now!

Op, when my mum first told me I was about 7, and had foudn some tampons in her handbag. She very matter of factly explaied it all, I then had a full on melt down, took to my room and wouldn't speak to her for days as it was all so disgusting etc.
I did get over it, and obviously I was much younger, but I think it is a really hard concept for some girls. And I think the PP who said that they didn't want to grow up has hi the nail on the head.

I was similar to your dd, and blocked it all out (I'm autistic if that's relevant!).
I would have stuff ready (pads etc) and maybe some period pants to save on embarrassing leaks (diary doll are good) so she's prepared when it does start, and let her know where it is.
Someone mentioned her talking to the GP, which is a good idea, or if she has a trusted teacher, it can be easier to take from someone you're not as close to, and if you suspect ASD it might be better for her to have straight facts (there's a book by Sarah Attwood about puberty and ASD, it's very good) rather than fluffy, emotional stuff, which can be very anxiety inducing!
I still don't feel accepting of periods, and feel disgusted and bleurgh about them, but I make sure I'm over prepared and lay low until the worst is over!

This is the book
It is very blunt and factual, but when the time comes and she's ready to read it, it's very good.
I bought it for ds2, he won't talk to me about anything like that, so hopefully any questions he has he can find in this book.

Does she not see you coping with periods on a monthly basis? How can children not know nowadays? She must have seen evidence that you have them?
I'd leave book around the house. Make sure she knew it was perfectly normal and a positive sign of womanhood approaching. Then I'd stop worrying and let her get herself in a stew when it happens - she won't scream forever and at some point will have to settle down and cope. Overreacting, over fussing makes it a bigger deal than it is. No nonsense is definitely way to minimise the amateur dramatics.

Crunbs - my kids don't see this, not sure why you would actually.
When they were small I had horrendous periods, changing pads was like a massacre. I didn't want them to see that, it was way too much, so I have always locked the loo door.
Actually even for normal loo stops we have encouraged privacy.

When youngest was born I had a Mirena coil fitted. My periods have pretty much stopped since. There is a box of tampons floating around in each bathroom, if they are curious enough to ask, but there isn't really and 'evidence of coping'

Even when I had really heavy periods, I didn't have PMT or period pain, so the only evidence was the bloody pads which was properly wrapped to dispose of.

I had a friend who reacted to the talk at school (1st year secondary) with 'It will never happen to me'. She really didn't want to grow up, was paranoid about getting hips and everything. Later on she was anorexic and managed to get rid of periods by being very underweight. I'm not sure what caused all of that though.

Does she not see you coping with periods on a monthly basis? How can children not know nowadays? She must have seen evidence that you have them?

Why must she?

OP- I think when the time comes you need to be calm and factual and have a ' just get in with it attitude.' good luck!