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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Original poster

Absolutely fuming with 7yr old. How would you deal with this.

42 replies

CurlsandCurves · 02/05/2017 16:01

D is 7 almost 8. He has extremely narrow feet, measures a c or d yet he's an adult size 5.5. So finding shoes is difficult.

Found shoes yesterday that fit, he said they were fine, great. Picked him up from school today and he has the straps tucked under the soles of his feet, claiming he preferred them that way. Told him not to be silly and to change into his trainers to pay out once we got home.

I've found he has pulled the Velcro straps that hard he has pulled the metal ring they go through completely off on one side. An expensive pair of leather school shoes on his feet for 7 hours and he's bust them. I am so fucking angry right now I'm shaking. He says it's not his fault it's the straps that don't go tight enough. He's currently in his room.

DH says tough make him wear them for the rest of the term. Because if he wears his trainers then he's won, he's got what he wanted (he did ask why he couldn't just wear trainers to school).

Jeez I've never felt so fucking angry towards any of my kids before. How fucking dare he do this. Crying coz I'm so upset and angry.

OP posts:

allegretto · 02/05/2017 16:02

I think you are overreacting a bit. Can't you get them mended?

namechangealerttt · 02/05/2017 16:03

Shouldn't break in a day. Return the shoes?

TooDamnSarky · 02/05/2017 16:04

Take them back. The ring shouldn't have come off.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 02/05/2017 16:04

I'd return them - the average 7 year old shouldn't be able to break the shoes just by doing them up (however hard).

AndNowItIsSeven · 02/05/2017 16:04

He is 7 he doesn't understand the value of money and he didn't mean to break them.
You are massively overreacting.

ladyratterley · 02/05/2017 16:05

Ummmm... I think you might be overreacting here! Take them back to the shop. I'm sure he wouldn't have broken them on purpose so get them to replace them.
It's not fun to grow up with a parent who totally overreacts if you make a mistake. He'll grow up with anxiety about having an accident or breaking things. Trust me I know. Give him a break.

Guitargirl · 02/05/2017 16:05

Return the shoes. Do you have other stuff going on OP that's contributed to you feeling so angry?

UppityHumpty · 02/05/2017 16:05

I'm with your dh. Make him wear them. It does seem like he's done it on purpose to wear trainers.

ExplodedCloud · 02/05/2017 16:08

This is not something to let yourself get in a state over. Return the shoes. They shouldn't have broken that easily. Is he allowed to wear trainers as part of his uniform or will school pull him up on it? I'd let school enforce the rule too.

leccybill · 02/05/2017 16:10

He must know trainers are not allowed anyway?
Suggest he wears his PE pumps, he'll soon want his shoes back.
And yes, take them back. Sympathies, DD is very narrow footed too. She's just outgrown another pair, I bought her a £7 pair of patent Mary Janes from Wynsors, they've been fine.

Original poster

CurlsandCurves · 02/05/2017 16:10

Guitar girl yes there is there is stuff going on. I know I sound like a crazy person but his behaviour recently has been appalling and I'm sick of him having no respect for his belongings and being all I want I want I want all the time.

I'm going to have to go back and see if I can get a new pair. But the way he's been he'll probably kick off and refuse to wear them.

OP posts:

TheFlyingFauxPas · 02/05/2017 16:13

I'd take them back. says the mum who took a pair of school shoes back after 8 months as the stitching came undone and who was given a brand new identical pair which didn't fit at all then it turns out reason stitching had come undone was because he'd grown out of them

Whathaveilost · 02/05/2017 16:13

Jeez, 'absolutely fuming' 'fucking angry'!! Get some perspective first of all. Return the shoes like others have said and pick your battles.
I wouldn't be surprised if he is a nervous wreck or wondered get what on Earth he has done that's so bad.

I get they are expensive hard to find shoes but it's not that bad.

Whathaveilost · 02/05/2017 16:17

Sorry x posted with you.
Ok so there is stuff going on, nice drip feed there. I've been through that phase. It does get easier but you have to stick to your guns with consequences and don't replace his personal stuff if he breaks it and so on.

He needs to see you and DH having a united front in front of him as well even if you disagree with each other away from him and out of earshot.

livefornaps · 02/05/2017 16:21

Sounds like the shoes are the straws that broke the camel's back.

Your son may well be downright unpleasant right now, but at the same time, he is a child.

Second the poster who pointed out that absolutely losing it over things like these only has a negative effect & produces very anxious children

CakeUpWall · 02/05/2017 16:22

If he broke them whilst trying in vain to make them snug enough for his narrow feet, then they were definitely not fitted correctly by the shoe shop staff. Take him back to the shop and get a supervisor/manager to check the fitting. They will then replace the shoes with a pair which fit correctly.

NotHotDogMum · 02/05/2017 16:23

They shouldn't have broken after just one day, return the shoes for a refund.

This is not a 7 YO fault

Vegansnake · 02/05/2017 16:23

The shoe is clearly faulty,get yr money back

KatherinaMinola · 02/05/2017 16:23

Take them back to the shop. They're not fit for purpose if they don't last a day on a 7yo.

Original poster

CurlsandCurves · 02/05/2017 16:24

apoligies for the drop feed, I just didn't want to bore everyone with a long winded post!

OP posts:

Lilly16 · 02/05/2017 16:25

I'd return the ones that broke and get him another of the same pair. I do think you need to chill out a bit though.
Maybe set some firm boundaries and when you're calm both have a proper conversation with him and outline the consequences if he doesn't improve his behaviour. Have you talked to his teacher? Why might be be acting in this way?

WorknameJimEllis · 02/05/2017 16:27

Sale of goods act and all that, they are not fit for purpose. No shoes should break after a day. Take em back, get a refund.

SolomanDaisy · 02/05/2017 16:32

He's pulled on the straps because he was uncomfortable and trying to fix them. It's not his fault they broke. You need to take them back and calm down. If you're this unreasonable all the time, he will be too.

ArseyTussle · 02/05/2017 16:32

What shape are they, if the straps can go under his feet but they still stay on?

Do you think maybe he didn't like them so trashed them?

leccybill · 02/05/2017 16:34

"He'll probably kick off and refuse to wear them".

Unless he has additional needs and there's a sensory need here, then this shouldn't happen. He's 7, you make the rules, not him.

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