Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Absolutely fuming with 7yr old. How would you deal with this.

42 replies

CurlsandCurves · 02/05/2017 16:01

D is 7 almost 8. He has extremely narrow feet, measures a c or d yet he's an adult size 5.5. So finding shoes is difficult.

Found shoes yesterday that fit, he said they were fine, great. Picked him up from school today and he has the straps tucked under the soles of his feet, claiming he preferred them that way. Told him not to be silly and to change into his trainers to pay out once we got home.

I've found he has pulled the Velcro straps that hard he has pulled the metal ring they go through completely off on one side. An expensive pair of leather school shoes on his feet for 7 hours and he's bust them. I am so fucking angry right now I'm shaking. He says it's not his fault it's the straps that don't go tight enough. He's currently in his room.

DH says tough make him wear them for the rest of the term. Because if he wears his trainers then he's won, he's got what he wanted (he did ask why he couldn't just wear trainers to school).

Jeez I've never felt so fucking angry towards any of my kids before. How fucking dare he do this. Crying coz I'm so upset and angry.

OP posts:

LittleBoyBlue91 · 02/05/2017 16:36

Urghhh, Talk about blowing things out of proportion, he may of broken them on purpose but what happens if he likes his shoes tighter and they wouldn't tighten that much? Either way i think its the manufacturers fault for making such expensive shoes that are such shoddy quality.

triedandrusted · 02/05/2017 16:37

You are badly over-reacting. This is a 7 year old child. He doesn't understand the value of money. Also the shoes shouldn't have broken, so you need to take them back.

Incidentally, I have never forgotten that when I was about 5 or 6 years old, I used a pin to scratch a silver cigarette box with my name. My mother told me that I'd be paying for that for the rest of my life and I remember being huddled, sobbing, with my hands over my ears in the corner of the back seat of the car while she ranted and ranted at me about it.

The scratches came out with a bit of polishing, incidentally.

But I have never forgotten how my mother sounded and looked as she behaved so viciously. And now that I have children of my own, I cannot forgive her because I see how vulnerable they are and I know now that she behaved appallingly, not me.

Don't be my mother.

ElinorRigby · 02/05/2017 16:38

I have very narrow feet and am always pulling laces extremely tight. Ditto buckles. It has sometimes resulted - on walking shoes - in the metal eyelets that hold the laces coming out. Though when this happened I returned them in the shop.

It is distressing wearing ill-fitting and uncomfortable shoes. It's also very easy to get blisters if shoes rub.

Obviously there may be all sorts of other things going on which frustrate you. But taking your child to a shop where they know about fitting shoes and can involve him in the discussion should help.

UnicornMadeOfPinkGlitter · 02/05/2017 16:40

He's 7 and whilst I understand the frustration he shouldn't have been able to break them.

As they are so new I would take them back and get a refund/exchange. If he was trying to make them tight enough they obviously don't fit and are too loose.

Nonibaloni · 02/05/2017 16:41

I understand the nightmare of getting shoes to fit, £50 + and still need 2 insoles. And there's never any choice on style.

I mean this with kindness but do you think he maybe tucked the straps in to avoid you seeing the break?

Return the shoes and make sure he's part of the process of finding a pair that fits. 8 is old enough to understand they might not be the "cool" pair but they are the pair that fit.

I know when I'm snappy and reactive it rubs off on ds. Although it takes a good few screaming matches before I notice.

Westray · 02/05/2017 16:43

I've never felt so fucking angry towards any of my kids before. How fucking dare he do this. Crying coz I'm so upset and angry.

Huge over reaction to a pair of shoes.

Could he have damaged them deliberately? Embarrassed by the style?

Either way feeling this way towards your child is concerning.

PyongyangKipperbang · 02/05/2017 16:43

If a 7 year old can pull them apart with 12 hours of owning them then they werent made properly in the first place. I would be taking them back.

MackerelOfFact · 02/05/2017 16:43

Sounds like they were too big for him and he broke them trying to make them tight enough. I know he said they were fine, but he's 7.

I'd take them back to the shop and find a different pair. Sounds like lace-ups might be better for him? Is that what his trainers are? Also insoles might help.

GahBuggerit · 02/05/2017 16:44

Take them back and get another different pair

Is he in his room because you sent him there? Bit harsh I think.

MackerelOfFact · 02/05/2017 16:45

I mean this with kindness but do you think he maybe tucked the straps in to avoid you seeing the break?

Yes, I was going to say this too.

MatildaTheCat · 02/05/2017 16:46

Can you take them back and take him along. Then hand him over to a fitter and ask them to find a solution. Of course shoes shouldn't break on day one. If they needed to be tugged so hard they were a) not well made and b) not a good fit.

Take a deep breath. If you are losing it with him his behaviour will continue to spiral downwards in a vicious circle.

ladyratterley · 02/05/2017 16:47

@triedandtested My mum used to massively overreact like that too, and accuse me of doing things on purpose when they were an accident. I don't think it's a coincidence that I've suffered with anxiety problems as an adult.
Choose your battles OP and remember he's just a child.

Original poster

CurlsandCurves · 02/05/2017 16:48

Yes he did hide the straps hoping I wouldn't notice. We've had a good talk and he knows I know he didn't do it on purpose. Entirely my fault, definitely the straw that broke the camels back as one reply has said. My fault, he knows it and I have apologised to him.

We've just clashed so much recently I think I just took the situation at face value and it was here we go again type thing.

Sorry to you lot as well for crashing on here and posting in the heat of the moment. And thanks for all the advice, you helped me see sense.

OP posts:

MackerelOfFact · 02/05/2017 16:48

Next do some narrow fit trainer-esque boys shoes in 5.5 that would work for school: www.next.co.uk/shop/gender-olderboys-gender-youngerboys-productaffiliation-footwear/category-shoes-fit-narrow#1_100

No idea about quality, women's shoes I've had from there have been decent but haven't tried their children's shoes.

MackerelOfFact · 02/05/2017 16:49

Bless you, OP. Hope things improve. Give the boy a hug.

offblackeggshell · 02/05/2017 16:53

Go easy on yourself. I completely understand the nightmare of skinny feet - three DC with c/d/e fittings.

Nonibaloni · 02/05/2017 16:58

Better to come on here and rant than continue loosing it in really life - that's experience talking.

Kids shoes are a nightmare to begin with. Then when you have to search 10 shops to find a narrow. Then they are expensive. I know I'm hoping we can last till the end of term.

If you're not in a good place it easily tips over.

Flip

1 2