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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

DH is suggesting we start offering DS (12) wine with meals…..

53 replies

NotdeadyetBOING · 09/09/2016 18:55

Wondered what people think? My gut reaction was - not in a million years. He is still a CHILD. His view is that it won't be long until he'll be off boozing on the sly with mates from school and that I am in denial. My view is that it is illegal and unnecessary. We wouldn't offer him cigarettes because he might one day have the odd crafty fag behind the bike shed. Also worry his younger sibling might then want to join in. Would be interested to hear to canvas some views...

OP posts:
JustDanceAddict · 09/09/2016 19:00

No, 12 is far too young. If they want a sip of what you're having - fine - but that's it. Sip in hope they won't like it! Model sensible drinking as something that adults do.

WannaBe · 09/09/2016 19:00

No. I wouldn't make alcohol a taboo I.e. Would let him try it if he wanted, but no way would I be casually offering wine with meals to a twelve year old.

Scribblegirl · 09/09/2016 19:02

My parents did, I don't think it's a big deal but then I don't have a 12 year old yet!

Also I am posting this from the pub Grin

Scribblegirl · 09/09/2016 19:02

Oh and in fairness it was always with lemonade until I was about 16.

CremeEggThief · 09/09/2016 19:03

A small glass at Christmas or a special family meal, but a sip or two at other times, would be fine.

RiverTam · 09/09/2016 19:05

On high days and holidays we had wine diluted with water from about aged 7.

Is he talking about every evening meal? I think that's a bit much.

Namechangenurseryconcerns · 09/09/2016 19:08

I'm pretty sure it's not illegal at home past the age of 5.

Believeitornot · 09/09/2016 19:09

I don't think this is a good idea!

I am the child of an alcoholic so that may be why.

MotherFuckingChainsaw · 09/09/2016 19:10

If you are in England its legal from the age of 5.

I was offered wine and beer from that age. Put me off for ages, tasted vile and took all of the 'forbidden fruit ' out of it.

Floggingmolly · 09/09/2016 19:10

God almighty, why??

Whisky2014 · 09/09/2016 19:11

12 years old? Nope.

Floggingmolly · 09/09/2016 19:11

Being legal doesn't make it a good idea... Hmm

kiki22 · 09/09/2016 19:14

I think from 15ish but not with every meal maybe on Friday nights or special occasions. I'm fairly relaxed in my parenting but I think 12 is too young to make it seem ok to drink especially with every meal.

MumsFlouncingOnASummerHoliday · 09/09/2016 19:15

I was allowed to consume a small amount from a similar age. I didn't like it. I did sip and try different wines though. It was a small sherry type glass with a family meal like a roast or birthday meal rather than daily occurance.

I travelled on French exchanges from 11- 16, anually, and wine was offered at more formal meals.

At parties on the exchange things like small beers and shandys were common place. The English children could be very embarassing and some always got drunk. The french children seamed a bit take it or leave it.

I didn't go through a getting paraletic stage. I think in part due to my nature but also exposure to alcohol and having seen people get drunk, silly and sick.

My eldest is 12, he's also Autistic, he has no interest in wine can barely sniff it. His 10 hear old brother has got to the stage he smells it, if pushed but he wont be offered for a few years yet.

When I was a teen alcohol was widespread readily accessible at parties from about 14 so I think to discuss and gently expose before this age is not a bad idea. I also thought it wasn't illegal to serve alcohol to a minor with food.

MuttsNutts · 09/09/2016 19:17

Has he even asked to try your wine? When my DS did I let him, he didn't particularly like it. No biggie.

It wasn't and still isn't banned but neither was I encouraging him to drink alcohol or diluting it with lemonade or similar to make it more palatable for him - that seems idiotic to me.

I know of people who like to lay on alcohol for their young teens and their mates at parties - it makes them feel like cool parents. Whatever.

Brontebiscuits · 09/09/2016 19:18

If this was France where children are offered watered down wine as part of meals from an early age- then maybe. This is the UK, land of the extreme drinking culture and binge drinking. I don't think this approach will work in our culture. At all.

StealthPolarBear · 09/09/2016 19:20

No I wouldn't, not even at Christmas
Children shouldn't have alcohol ro celebrate anything

anametouse · 09/09/2016 19:20

My mum would offer me a very small glass on special occasions - I was never interested really. I have the healthiest relationship with alcohol of anyone I know.

MrsHam13 · 09/09/2016 19:20

I don't see what the need is if he hasn't shown an interest.

Admittedly. I had cousins whose parents and friends parents would get them their drink (alcopop's/beer/cider) and they would take turns to drink in each others houses. Where we weren't allowed to drink and so would get it from a random adult and get absolutely steaming on vodka, cider etc. Fall about outside like idiots. They all drank responsibly and never got into dangerous situations. I'm going to go down that route with my own kids.

So, I understand his concept but he's still a bit young I think.

StealthPolarBear · 09/09/2016 19:22

There is no evidence that a "cool" attitude leads to a healthy relationship with alcohol, if anything the opposite

GoldFishFingerz · 09/09/2016 19:22

No, I can't see the point.

GoldFishFingerz · 09/09/2016 19:23

There was a study way back which suggested early drinking was negative

pluck · 09/09/2016 19:25

Offer him a really rank "vintage." Grin

My mother offered me spritzers from when I was about 16. I was her "+1" at various swish receptions starting at that age (she and my DF had just separated), so she probably needed to prepare me! Smile

pluck · 09/09/2016 19:27

P.S. Even I would consider 12 too young!