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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Original poster

DH is suggesting we start offering DS (12) wine with meals…..

53 replies

NotdeadyetBOING · 09/09/2016 18:55

Wondered what people think? My gut reaction was - not in a million years. He is still a CHILD. His view is that it won't be long until he'll be off boozing on the sly with mates from school and that I am in denial. My view is that it is illegal and unnecessary. We wouldn't offer him cigarettes because he might one day have the odd crafty fag behind the bike shed. Also worry his younger sibling might then want to join in. Would be interested to hear to canvas some views...

OP posts:
eyebrowsonfleek · 09/09/2016 19:29

A small glass at Xmas perhaps. Definitely not regularly.

ButtMuncher · 09/09/2016 19:29

I was never offered it as a kid but my parents never drank. I never had any inclination to go out and get drunk in my teens.

I would let my 12 y/o have a glass (watered down) if they asked. But I definitely wouldn't offer it unless it was a special occasion/Christmas. We've get 7 y/o DSS have a sip of cider (fruit) as he asked to try it.

StealthPolarBear · 09/09/2016 19:32

What's the logic of letting them have it at Christmas if they've not asked?

damngirl · 09/09/2016 19:33

What's the point? I don't know anyone under the age of about 20 who actually likes the taste of wine anyway.

Why would a 12 year old need to be drinking something that's bad for him that he probably doesn't want anyway?

Notso · 09/09/2016 19:35

From my own experience of being offered alcohol from a young age I would say no.
My DD is 16 and after exams finished and has been to parties where we allowed her to take two ciders. I wasn't 100% comfortable with that really but it was a compromise between DH, her and me.
I think a sip if they ask how it tastes, fine. Alcohol in desserts, fine. Tiny Buck's Fizz for a celebration, fine.

PikachuSayBoo · 09/09/2016 19:37

What with every evening meal? I know a lot of adults have a glass of wine every night but to be honest I don't think its a good habit to be getting into.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 09/09/2016 19:43

has the 12 year old expressed any interest?

Ours were always allowed a taste if they asked and mostly pulled a face....except on one memorable occasion when dd took a much larger swig of my G&T than I had expected and then asked for more! ...she'd have been about 9

We just never made it anything out of the ordinary.

They have all been huge fans of sherry trifle since they were very small!

Ds2 (19) recently nursed a bottle of Miller all afternoon and evening, he doesn't really like much fizzy stuff anyhow.

I don't approve of alcopops though...not quite sure where that comes from.

Alicekeach · 09/09/2016 19:45

My parents gave us a small glass of wine with Sunday lunch once a week from primary school age (can't remember exactly how young I was). They wanted it not to be a "banned substance" that we might be tempted to try in secret. We never had more than one and never wanted to. It was fine. We didn't grow up as alcoholics, although I am now quite into my wine (member of a wine tasting group, like to visit vineyards on holiday etc, know a fair bit about it). I think your husband's approach sounds sensible.

ecuse · 09/09/2016 19:55

I don't think it's a big deal on occasion but I wouldn't be doing it every night. Also I wouldn't encourage/offer, but say yes if asked.

albertcampionscat · 09/09/2016 19:58

Well, if you start him on decent wine now it might stop him drinking gut rot at 16.

I may be channelling Lord Peter Wimsey here. Personally I can just about tell red from white.

PlymouthMaid1 · 09/09/2016 20:01

Yes I would but only oncE a week or so. I think that learning to have alcohol responsibly and with food makes it no big deal when older and they will be less likely to binge drink and think it is clever and grown up. If the parents have wine every day them maybe not. Most teens hate the taste of wine anyway unless you drink the real sweet stuff.

228agreenend · 09/09/2016 20:06

I wouldn't offer a glass of wine every night, but maybe for Sunday lunch, birthdays etc. Our eldest dc had the odd drink from 12 or 13.

tribpot · 09/09/2016 20:10

Absolutely not.

RitchyBestingFace · 09/09/2016 20:11

The evidence is that if children are offered alcohol at home from a young age they are more likely to drink excessively later, not less.

Boring answer I know.

Ragwort · 09/09/2016 20:13

Agree with 228 - a small glass of wine occasionally would not worry me at all, I grew up having a sherry most Sundays before lunch Grin.

We did offer our DS a small glass of wine with 'special' meals but he tried it and didn't like it, now he is 15 and has a lager with w/end meals.

BennyTheBall · 09/09/2016 20:16

Why? Just why?

Let them discover alcohol at their own rate and at an appropriate age.

allthecarbs · 09/09/2016 20:17

I would maybe let him have 1 light beer if he asked but it wouldn't be every meal time, or even once a week.

slightlyglitterbrained · 09/09/2016 20:25

My parents allowed us small tastes of heavily watered wine from young, and I always assumed we would do the same.

However having read of more recent research on how alcohol affects the developing brain, I don't think we will. It's not going to make it less likely DS will go on to drink heavily. It would be self indulgent to do something that risked damaging his development. Just because my parents weren't aware of this, doesn't mean that we should copy them despite knowing better about the risks.

StealthPolarBear · 09/09/2016 20:29

Plymouth you may think that but it isn't the case

CMOTDibbler · 09/09/2016 20:31

No, absolutely not at 12.

Original poster
NotdeadyetBOING · 09/09/2016 21:52

Very interesting to hear all your responses. Thank you. I see there are plenty who, like me, think absolutely not. And about the same amount who think a bit now and then would be fine. Off to read the Guardian article. My gut feel is still that it is not a good strategy. And he has never asked - in response to a couple of you who asked. I have never bought the argument that it makes them more sensible drinkers later on, but happy to be contradicted if the evidence points to that.

OP posts:
eurochick · 09/09/2016 22:13

I'd feel relaxed about it. I'd probably start off with it watered down as a spritzer and with Sunday lunch or special occasion meals. I'm not sure what age it started but I'd have a small glass with Sunday lunch as a teen. I certainly didn't go as crazy as some from stricter backgrounds when let off the leash at university!

Ragwort · 10/09/2016 11:32

Let them discover alcohol at their own rate and at an appropriate age.

I think that could be a bad idea if 'discovering alcohol at their own rate' means having far too much with their mates whilst hanging round the park or whatever ........... I would much prefer that my teenage DS learns to have the occasional drink with us either at home or out & gets a 'feel' for what alcohol does for you - DH and I drink wine most evenings & he has never asked for any, does have the odd beer (he is 15 now).

PlymouthMaid1 · 10/09/2016 22:50

Must admit to my opinion being based on nothing more than my own and my children's upbringing so thanks for the updated information. I would still prefer their first experiences of alcohol to be at home.