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Preteens

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Original poster

Devastated DD, first period 10 years old

84 replies

SouthernPolish · 12/04/2013 23:35

My DD started her periods today and is absolutely devastated, poor lamb. I have done my very best to prepare her for this day, books, chats, choosing supplies in Boots etc. But she has sobbed and sobbed all evening and her eyes are are very sore.

She says shes just wants to stay a child and does not feel ready to grow into a lady. She doesnt want anyone at school to know.

She has only just fallen asleep in bed with me, clutching her teddy.

I was 11 and remember feeling the same, hence trying to be well prepared for DD.

Feel rubbish on her behalf...

OP posts:
CatelynStark · 12/04/2013 23:39

My youngest had her first period last month - she had a similar reaction although she didn't actually cry. She's sworn me to secrecy - I'm not even allowed to tell her sisters (they are very close) and freaked out about school swimming lessons that are coming up soon.

It saddens me that she felt ashamed - I've no idea where this reaction came from. Like you, I've tried to prepare my daughters for this for years. The other two were chuffed!

I think all we can do is to give them lots of cuddles and reassurance and be open to listening to them if they can share their feelings.

Clary · 12/04/2013 23:39

Oh bless her, I have nothing helpful to say but wanted to tell you that you sound like a lovely mum who has really done her best to help DD be ready for this.

It must be hard to start so young - and yet I bet she's not the first in her school year. Friends of DD's started in yr 6 and even yr 5. They were the girls who were tall and generally more grown up looking.

But y'know, she is 10, she is still a child, an she can still cuddle her teddy in bed. Hope she feels happier in the morning.

MrsApplepants · 12/04/2013 23:40

I sympathise, I felt like that too, aged 12 so average time to start but still didn't want anyone to know and wanted to stay a child. Still can't get my head around some girls at school who were proud when they started.

Sparklingbrook · 12/04/2013 23:40

Poor DD Southern it seems so young. Sad

On a practical note school will need to know won't they? I have DSs so this isn't something I will encounter, which makes me happy in one way and sad in others.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 12/04/2013 23:42

I think that a good part of it might be down to hormonal changes, which the poor love won't be used to at all yet. I remember spending half the day crying when I started, even though I wasn't particularly sad or miserable.

Original poster
SouthernPolish · 13/04/2013 00:01

Thanks for swift responses.

I suppose I do need to tell school, for practical reasons. She told me earlier that they are not allowed to leave class to go to the loo, they have to go at break time only! First Id heard of that rule.

DD is a particularly childlike 10 YO, despite being 5ft5 with Bcups. Mother Nature can be so bloody unfair!

The worst bit was dreadful cramps and feeling all wobbly made her slightly hysterical. I have a sinking feeling she might take after me... Not good.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 13/04/2013 00:03

I don't want to sound dim but do they have sanitary bins in Primary Schools? As I say no DDs so clueless.

GladbagsGold · 13/04/2013 00:07

Aw bless her. I think primaries do have sanitary bins, hope its not like it was 25 years ago where it was just one particular cubicle, making it totally obvious! Though it is nothing to be ashamed of, of course.

lisad123everybodydancenow · 13/04/2013 00:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GladbagsGold · 13/04/2013 00:12

Just had an idea, could you mark the occasion in a child friendly way, get her a new teddy that heats up in the microwave? A hello kitty storage box to keep towels in? So it's special but also reflects her young age and reassures her she doesn't have to be all grown up.
Also might help to remind her periods are not always regular to start- my 1st and 2nd period were 6 months apart!

Mumcentreplus · 13/04/2013 00:14

Aww..I'm so sorry she's not ready but her body is..so it's just about helping her adjust to what her body is doing naturally..I don't think she is a 'woman' she is just getting ready to be a woman...it's not unnatural but just who she is..she is growing..the same as if she grew an inch..and it's nothing to be afraid or ashamed of..my DD1 has not started yet but I'm expecting it very soon..she is a B cup and has been growing breasts long before her peers, as well as hairs and attitude lol...just support her just as you have been doing reassure her as her mum and a woman that you will be there..be truthful it can hurt and be uncomfortable but you will be there for her ..x

YoniDaChillOut · 13/04/2013 00:15

ahh poor thing.

i hate that girls and women feel they must keep this a secret. i wish it was acceptable to be more openly talked about and not a thing to be embarrassed about.

Sparklingbrook · 13/04/2013 00:15

I am Sad that ten year olds have to faff about with sanitary towels in the loos at school. Sad

FaceLikeAPickledYonion · 13/04/2013 00:16

I was 9 when I first started. Mum had prepared me because 9 is the usual age in our family Sad But nothing can prepare you for the reality of it happening for real We were still at the age of boys & girls getting dressed for P.E together in the classroom, I felt like a freak when I was sent on my own to the girls toilets to get changed.
Her hormones will be all over the place at the moment obviously.
You sound lovely btw, just be there for her, respect her wishes and her privacy. That is her right, her decision.
A hot water bottle, lots of chocolate ;) and cuddles

crazynanna · 13/04/2013 00:17

Love her...it is a bit scary being young. I was wasn't told anything by my mum, and the week before I started (aged 10/11), I had mum on the phone to gran discussing granddads piles, and "bleeding from the bum", so I went to mum and said I had "pies like granddad" Blush

I had the opposite with dd2. She is nearly 15, and was the last to start amongst her friends, and was feeling left out. She started 2 weeks ago, and was so relieved she told absolutely every mate.

CakeExpectations · 13/04/2013 00:28

DD's primary school does not have sanitary bins in the girls' loos. I raised this as a concern, and was told by the HT that the girls who need one use the (single) staff loo and feel in some way special.

DD is horrified at the prospect of people seeing her going into the staff loo (obviously knowing what for) and is hoping fervently that she doesn't start her periods until after she has left the school. (Currently year 6)

Unfortunately she's showing all the signs of starting soon, so fingers crossed that her body manages to hold off for a few more months!

You sound like a lovely Mum, Southern - keep those cuddles for your poor DD coming!

AnnieLobeseder · 13/04/2013 00:48

Your poor DD. It's such a shame that this rite of passage which used to be an event to celebrate is now a source of embarrassment and distress to young women.

piratecat · 13/04/2013 01:00

hiya. your poor dd. its such a shock all round. my daughter started hers last year at 9 Sad

so much to take in and sort out and remain calm but empathetic. i told the school. no way was my girl being prohibited from going to the loo when she needed to. we went through the practicalities and she found it tricky to remember it all to start with. we came up with plans for carrying a towel to the loo, where to keep them and in what part me her bag.
i had to check with the school that they had bins. they had one in one particular loo.
she has suffered with them and missed alot of school unfortunately. we have been working with our gp and have found buscopan the most effective for the severe cramps. hugs to you both.

thornrose · 13/04/2013 01:09

My dd started at 10 and it seemed so young. I gave her a card marking her first period.

I'm not usually into that stuff but it felt right to try and make it a special moment rather than an inconvenience.

I agree with everyone else to check with school. Not all girls toilets have sanitary bins in Primary. My dd got in a mess when she put a pad into the toilet and other girls were horrible to her and called her disgusting.

I could still kick myself for not foreseeing that Sad

UnrequitedSkink · 13/04/2013 01:10

Oh god, it's heartbreaking to think of these little girls having to deal with this on their own at school. Someone should invent something to delay onset of puberty so they're at least emotionally ready.

thornrose · 13/04/2013 01:13

I agree Unrequited, dd also has Aspergers so she was spectacularly unprepared.

AtiaoftheJulii · 13/04/2013 01:17

I like Gladbags' suggestions :) I've got a ten year old who seems like she might start sooner rather than later, and she's not impressed with the idea.

saffronwblue · 13/04/2013 01:18

My DD started a week after turning 11. She likewise was devastated. The good side was that we were on holiday so I was very much around but of course it was a beach holiday and she couldn't swim...
Poor little girls, it is all a bit much, isn't it!

fiverabbits · 13/04/2013 01:26

My friend at school started her periods aged 9 in 1960. The toilets were outside, freezing cold in winter and our classroom was on the second floor and the furthest away from the stairs.

Sparklingbrook · 13/04/2013 07:35

Oh blimey, swimming. School swimming. Sad I hadn't even thought of that.