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Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

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Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

Preteens

Devastated DD, first period 10 years old

84 replies

SouthernPolish · 12/04/2013 23:35

My DD started her periods today and is absolutely devastated, poor lamb. I have done my very best to prepare her for this day, books, chats, choosing supplies in Boots etc. But she has sobbed and sobbed all evening and her eyes are are very sore.

She says shes just wants to stay a child and does not feel ready to grow into a lady. She doesnt want anyone at school to know.

She has only just fallen asleep in bed with me, clutching her teddy.

I was 11 and remember feeling the same, hence trying to be well prepared for DD.

Feel rubbish on her behalf...

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travailtotravel · 14/04/2013 19:25

If our mums were that crap, I can only imagine what their own mothers were like ... the mind boggles.

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SouthernPolish · 14/04/2013 19:56

Yes travail... in my case I know the answer to that and have quite strong (bad) memories of my maternal grandmother:
Emotional 'void', Victorian and extremely prudish.
So yes, to be fair, I imagine puberty wasn't much fun for my Mum either.

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Branleuse · 14/04/2013 20:53

a 10 year old isn't anywhere near a woman even with periods. maybe people shouldn't big it up so much for some kids?

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Sparklingbrook · 14/04/2013 20:55

Yes Branleuse people should ignore it perhaps?

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SouthernPolish · 14/04/2013 21:13

Branleuse - what do you mean by - 'big it up'?
What point are you making?

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Hulababy · 14/04/2013 21:19

Not sure what you mean by 'big it up.'

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Sparklingbrook · 14/04/2013 21:21

Branleuse is being deliberately controversial methinks.

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Hulababy · 14/04/2013 21:25

I can't see any post on here where anyone suggests a 10y is a grown woman. They do suggest the child is growing up and beginning the dirt stages if becoming a woman. Which is accurate; that is what puberty is after all.

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rainbowslollipops · 14/04/2013 21:31

No Bran a 10 year old is NOT a woman you're right there however, some 10 year old girls start puberty then. What do you think puberty is? In my books its a step closer to becoming a woman.

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Dragonwoman · 14/04/2013 21:47

Remembering how awful my periods were in my teens - pain, leaking & embarrasment - and I was 13 when I started- I wonder if these days you can get medication to stop them?
Would a GP prescribe the mini-pill for that purpose to a very young girl?
After all, there's no purpose to periods if you're not TTC - why make a young girl put up with them? I am thinking of asking if my own daughter has problems like I did.
I know artificial hormones are not ideal in a child, but once they have periods thier bodies are flooded with hormones anyway month after month for years - not really a natural state of affairs if you consider that through most of history girls started much later than they do today (because they weren't as well fed)

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SouthernPolish · 14/04/2013 21:49

My DD has a typical 10 year old brain which happens to be inside a body which is most definitely more woman than child, ie: 5.5ft tall, size 5 feet, B cup boobs, hairy in all the places you'd expect and struggles to fit into kids clothing (size 8 fits far better). I still treat her like a child, but it's pretty obvious things are only going one way...

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SouthernPolish · 14/04/2013 22:54

Oh and the above statements are in no way 'bigging it up' they are an accurate description of DD. Sadly, some 9 & 10 year olds just happen to hit puberty early (way too early). So all a Mum can do is help them through it.

Had a loooong chat this evening with the 'Whats Happening To Me?' Usbpurne book. Had a bit if a giggle cos I dumped a tampon in my mug of tea to show her how they work. She's feeling much better (in herself) today, although still got cramps.

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ripsishere · 15/04/2013 07:16

You sound like a fabulous mum who isn't bigging it up (whatever that means).
My almost 12 YO DD is desperate to start hers. She's been dragging her own increasingly battered kit back and forth to school for 18 months now (it moved countries with us).
I can't imagine her encountering the red tide for a good few years. she is very slight, hair free and only has a bosom like two fried eggs.

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Sparklymommy · 16/04/2013 15:29

This is an interesting thread, as I have just decided that my own 10 year old DD is starting puberty (suddenly put on weight, bumps around her nipples, prone to tantrums over silly things, easily upset). I also feel she is very young and she doesn't really want to talk about it or understand. I remember starting my own periods on my 13 th birthday (not the best present!) when I was staying with my nan.

DD is also a dancer and I hadn't even thought about leotards and the difficultys that will bring! Although she does wear warm up shorts a lot so that won't be a huge problem, I hope!

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Andro · 16/04/2013 15:41

You sound like a really great mum OP.

I started when I was 10, 3 things really stick with me:

My best friend's mum had the wonderful task of helping me (I was at my friends house all day). She was very calm and matter of fact - making an embarrassing situation bearable - telling me that I didn't have to like the change, but I did need to learn to deal with it. She told me exactly what I needed to hear at the time. I also went from not periods to a predictable cycle, it made planning ahead easy.

I hated the sensation of being 'on', I always felt really grotty (in the 'I can't get clean' sense) - finding the right protection helped immensely!

I was a swimmer; learning to use tampons was NOT fun, it was however a necessity if I wanted to swim. There was also the fact that the school I attended did not permit girls to miss swimming just because of their period, appropriate protection was a 'must have'.

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sussexmum38 · 16/04/2013 15:46

Despite having an older sister and lots of talks it was still a shock to our 11 year old last month when she started her first period. The following weekend I took her for a girly day out including some shopping. I think it helped.

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iloveweetos · 16/04/2013 15:58

omg cant imagine having had started periods at 9-10!!!
i started when i was 15 and was looking forward to it, til it happened every month lol

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DeepRedBetty · 16/04/2013 15:58

Thanks for this thread. dtd2 is due for her third sometime in the next week, dtd1 is still waiting. Lots of really helpful ideas here.

OP I thought the way my mum handled it was bad until I read your experience.

Here's the you deserved at the time and didn't get.

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piratecat · 16/04/2013 16:30

op hope she is doing ok.

my dd got the bumps round the nipples, and painful breasts just after she was 8, followed quite quickly by pubes. Then bad skin. I wasn't that surprised when she got her first period, but it was still a shock iyswim.

x

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Sparklymommy · 16/04/2013 18:02

Piratecat, just a little question, from the bumps around nipple til first period, how long? My Dd just seems so young!

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piratecat · 16/04/2013 19:09

about a year i think. painful breasts for a long time, from 8-81/2, spots from then. Then grew about a foot, then started her periods two moths before her 10th birthday. hth

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AuntieMaggie · 16/04/2013 19:41

Oh how our mothers feck us up...

I started my periods at 10 while staying with my dad. I was rumbled by my stepmum who is more laidback and open than my own mother about these things when she found my stash of used pads and dirty pants. My experience with my mother is similar to Southerns especially about the pill and tampons (though the message was I wad a tart to even consider it!). I have many memories of leaking at school as I used to go through a tampon and pad every hour but wasn't allowed to go to the loo during lessons, was in agony for the two weeks my period used to last, and would wake up every morning soaked including when on school camp which was just awful :(

I think you sound fantastic Southern

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SouthernPolish · 18/04/2013 17:25

Ta for help & support.

DD is coping well mentally... but physically still not in a good way...

School was good in some ways and not others: bins, being let off PE, going out of class to use loo etc all good (although observant classmates sussed out situation quickly - not so good).

But she's STILL got bad cramps and is white as a sheet
:-( & bleeding is about the same as I do (ie: quite heavy!). It's day 7 now and no letup! I bought 6 packs of towels on Sat and need to restock!

Yesterday I walked her to school, but she was all 'wobbly' so I had a word with her teacher and took her home again. Teacher (AKA: Trunchball) said 'she just needs to get on with it - this is how is IS now', but when I pointed out, ahem: day six and still at least 4 leakages a day, she agreed I needed to get it checked out.

Saw our lovely GP - same one who she's had since birth... He said she's coping with an above average amount of pain and her bits and bobs are very inflamed, ie: stay off school until cramps improve and bleeding subsides. She's taking Nurofen for now, but he made me aware there are other options, should it get any worse.

So I told Trunchball we'd do online SATS test papers at home. Last time I looked DD was alternating between SATS and Googling pictures of poodle puppies (bless her!).

So, to add insult to injury, first period is not being a kind one, was hoping for a gentle trickle... quite the opposite. But, hardly surprised, I was just the same.

A spooky thing happened though... I'm usually like clockwork and not due on until late next week... started yesterday :-/ DD thought it was hilarious. And YES: we have compared pant situations!

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piratecat · 18/04/2013 17:47

hiya southern, just sat here with my dd, the one who started her periods just before her 10th birthday.

firstly big hugs to you both from us.

Dd's first one was a 7 day event too, heavy, painful. They have all been pretty bad, with days lost from school.

Last year she had terrible pain for two weeks without a bleed, and i am not saying this to scare or indicate anything, but she ended up with being admitted as she was eventually found to have a bleed in her ovary. That was a different pain to period pain, but it returned to normal. Just wanted to put that out there in case anyone else does a search on here for period pain, and to highlight that some pain needs investigating.

However, back to period pain. GP prescribed mefanemic acid, for pain. This has never helped. Then Tranexemec acid, (to lesten flow) that didn't help flow or pain.

The only thing that has taken the edge of it is Buscopan and paracetamol. It was recommended by my pharmacist, when i was chatting to her, and when dd and i went back becuase of the pain (which she was also having days before her period but no bleed) I asked the gp who gave us it on prescription. It's primarily for IBS cramps, but google it and it can help any lower abdominal cramps.Another great thing is that you can get it in Tesco off the shelf, should you run out.

She has had such a rough time of them too, that the gynae team at our local hospital agreed to put her on the pill, to try and help with the pain.

DD is the same age as yours, also coming up for her sats.

Primark ladies knickers size 8-10 in a five pack, we bought two packs to help with disguising leakage. She doesn't like seeing the blood, and she's also not spoiling her nicer pants.

Morrisons own pads in the purple pack. DD is tall and slim but finds them comfy. She leaked all the time with the thin ones, and despite ones with wings not moving shefound she had more leakage on the inside of her thighs. So we didn't bother with those anymore.

hth a bit ?xx

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ShowOfHands · 18/04/2013 18:13

I started my periods overnight and woke up in a pool of blood and in pain. I knew it would happen eventually but was in total shock. I ruined my sheep all in one sleepsuit, label was age 9-10yrs iirc. I felt v torn by the recognition of what was happening and the knowledge that it meant my body was growing up even if I wasn't ready to. My Mum got it right at first, gave me a day off school and told them I had an upset stomach. She went out and bought lots of age appropriate stuff, a little tin, drawstring bag etc and showed me what to do.

Then she bumped into my friends on their way home from school later that day and told them all. I don't know why I was so embarrassed but it still smarts now looking back.

You're doing a million times better than my Mum so far!