She's in Yr 7.
She's had a bit of a rough summer holidays with falling out with friends and then making up. I've tried to keep out of it as just thought it was all part of being 11.
She's come home crying before now saying the other girls were ignoring her, etc. She got in a fight one evening down the park. Says the other girl started it and the other girl's sister backs dd up and says it wasn't dd that started it.
Then one time dd came home saying her best friend had pulled her hair and been nasty to it. I saw some texts from the friend to dd saying sorry for pulling her hair so again believed her.
Tried quizzing her a bit about why these kids did this and just get told they're nasty, she's been bullied, getting ganged up on, etc.
She's made a fairly new friend who lives in our village and this girl came round the other evening. Seemed really nice. After she'd left it turned out that dd and this girl had gone to the shop with dd's pocket money and spent £5 on sweets. DD reckons the other girl pressured her into spending the money and asked me to replace it. I said no, she's to learn her lesson that if she doesn't want to spend it she says no. There were tears and she was saying that this girl bullied her into spending it, which I don't believe and told her so.
So just now dd comes running in saying that this girl's mum has "beat me up" One of dd's friends said she got shouted at but nothing physical. So I go outside and the mum is coming down the drive. Her dd is there crying.
Mum says that my dd has been telling eveeryone that her dd is a thief and stole £5. Her dd then went off with dd's best friend and dd tried to start a fight with her (ex?) best friend. This other girl stepped in and shoved my dd.
So I suppose dd did get shoved first. According to the mum dd then retaliated and tried to pull this girl's hair. The mum has seen this happen from across the road and goes over and starts telling my dd off. Sounds like she was mainly upset as dd had some other girls backing her up and they were all egging dd on. So the mum feels that dd was leading a pack against her dd.
So this adult has told dd off, dd was now upset and crying and shouting and swearing at this mum. I'm mortified. Really mortified.
I've apoligised to the mum and the girl.
DD is upset. From her point of view the other girls started it. She admits she was having a go at this girl about taking her money. She says then her ex best friend got involved and took the other girls side which upset dd. DD says noone else was having a go at the girl but there were quite a few watching it all kick off. DD says she didn't pull the girl's hair but admits she did swear - not actually at the mum but was shouting and said fucking at some point.
DD is blaming this all on her ex best friend. She says this girl upset her by calling her a freak and then the other girl shoved her. She can't see that she's started it by mouthing off about the money.
I've grounded her for a week - is this enough? I don't want her to be the nasty kid in the village. If anyone has any advice I'd welcome it but please be gentle.