please help, I don't know what to do.

[CoffeeIsMyFriend]

Little bit of background, DS (11) is a lovely boy, quite quiet, not particularly sporty but he is usually quite happy - bit geeky I suppose, he likes his x box, electronic things and gadgets.

Anyway, today we were out school shoe shopping, DD (8) noticed DS had scratches on his arm, I didnt see as he had a long sleeve Tshirt on. Came home, I asked him if he was ok, he was really quiet, has been nasty to his sister over the past few days and is generally in his shell. After a while I got some information out of him. (cutting and that he felt depressed)

Turns out he feels depressed, has self harmed his arm - not deep, but lots of scratches with a knife up to elbow level. I am struggling here, dont know how to help him, what to do, should I call his Doctor? Contact CAHMS.

My stomach is in knots. Apologies as I am sure this will be disjointed, I know it is, my head is racing at a million miles an hour.

We had a long chat in his room, he is nervous about starting secondary school, has fallen out with the only boy he knows starting there next week - nothing major, just a silly thing while talking on xbox live. DS has had a good cry, has said he feels worried about everything, I have spoken to him calmly, tried to find out what he was upset/worried about and run him a big bubble bath.

Fuck, I just dont know what to do, how to handle this. Inside I am screaming, depression runs in my family (usually females after giving birth) but he is only 11. I am sitting here in tears, trying to type and think of things to do. Dont want to blow anything out of proportion, but dont want to do nothing.

Please help me to get a plan in place.

Argh! Typical. At least I only have one newbie tomorrow.

Let us know how he gets on.

Got an email this morning from DS school. The person we have met and I have chatted to is one of the deputy heads and in charge of KS3. So I replied giving details of situation and asking him to monitor.

On the plus side his arm is healing nicely - it was scratches and not deep cuts, I made that clear in the email, I really dont want my boy labelled as well you know before he has given himself a chance!

Glad things are improving Coffee, I really believe in being pro-active in situations like this and I think your intervention will stop this becoming worse.

thanks celia - in a 'crisis' situation I am usually the one being pro active, 'doing' things. I am known as a coper and doer and am calm when the shit hits the fan.

BUT this thrown me for six, although I am more sure what to do and how to manage now.

Control freak? no, but almost!

Do you think it might be a good idea to have a word with the SENCO too?

As others have said, you sound like a fantastic mum, good luck for tomorrow x

The Dep Head said he will alert those needed, but not go into details. I also have the email of DS form tutor.

well today is the first day of term and DS went off with his friends this morning without a backward glance to me, which is good. I asked if he wanted me to walk round with them but he said no...

Hope today goes well for him. He looked so smart and handsome (not to mention grown up) in his uniform.

Coffee - how did the first day go?

You are sounding much calmer now you have a plan in place.

first day was great! he has new friends and he said everyone in his form was nice. He likes his form tutor (who has been made aware of situation) and said all the teachers so far were 'cool'.

Things are looking up at the moment.

I sort of feel a bit silly incase we have over reacted to the situation. CAHMS did say they thought his arm thing was a panic reaction rather than anything else. Anyway, at least he is happy at school (so far) and we have things in place just incase.

I feel much calmer cointreau. thanks

That's great news! Like you say, you'll feel more in control if it happens again.

My DS also has settled in well and the nerves have vanished, the only problems have been logistical things like buying lunch, finding drinking fountains and catching the bus, but nothing to worry about.

Aren't they grown-up, though?!

another great day! I cant quite believe it.

Oh yes, DS has gone from calling me Mummy to Mum, he has grown a few inches and he looks so grown up in his uniform. It looks like a black suit and he is so handsome in it.

I gave him a big hug this afternoon when we got back and he hugged me back. I think he is as relieved as me that it is going well.

Great to hear your son's first day went so well. It's wonderful that he has made friends again with the other boy starting there - that must have really helped. I'm glad you told the deputy head about the situation so that they can keep an eye on him.

You haven't overreacted at all. I think you have done exactly the right things.

I hope things continue to go well for you and your son.

Fantastic news

thank you everyone. DS seems much happier - the only one thinking "Oh Crap" is ME! DS has homework... to cover his books in fecking sticky back plastic.

hmmf.

sticking on of plastic went well - so has other homework that DS has had. Today we got a letter from CAHMS with an appointment for a week on Tuesday. DH and I are going with DS and I will update once we have been to see the team.

DS still doing ok at school, seems happy enough, still not 'himself' he isnt eating a lot, says he isnt hungry and didnt have much to eat last night - despite doing double PE at school. Still keeping an eye on him, although quietly.

also got a letter from school. There is a little group of 6 who are going to having some sessions in school over the coming weeks to improve confidence and 'stuff'.

Good news, it sounds like the school are really trying to do their bit. Hope the counselling session goes well too.

well it transpires that DS thought he was chubby - he was just about to have a growth spurt - which has happened. Why does it seem he grows about 3 inches at a time and nothing for a year?

So that is why he is cutting back on food. I have had a chat with him about eating when hungry, making healthy choices and a little of what he fancies, just not the whole sweet shop every day. Hopefully that has gone in, seems to as I made tacos with salad for dinner and he scoffed them.

School have been great so far, I have sent a couple of emails to form tutor just saying that things seem ok and to let me know if she thinks things are not good at school.

All homework done - although on a Thursday DS has to humf round a massive bag of PE kit all day as fist 2 periods are PE. Might see if he can get a locker to put it in, but then chances are it wont come home!

went to appt on Tuesday morning, it was very good. DS is going to a couple of sessions to speak to them alone. I do hope something gets sorted out with him. We have had to remove his phone, xbox and laptop as a punishment for taking his phone to school with him, despite being told NOT to.

He has been texting a girl (who lives far away) and the things that has been said between them has shocked me to the core! I know that boys get a hormone infusion around now and my boy definitely has. Not a man, but not a child either, its hard. Trying not to over react, but its like he is a different person when talking to this girl. There are lies, exageration, and it really is a weird one.

DH spoke to a friend of ours who is a psychologist/psychiatrist and has said that this is pretty normalish behaviour at this age. FFS is it?

CoffeeIs. I am so glad that things have worked out well.
IIWY, I would make a whole seperate post about the texting.
My DD is only 10.4, but she's had some sort of hormone shake up and is talking (luckily to me) about wanting to snog a couple of boys in her class.

DS and I were chatting this evening about the texting and how fibs isnt good etc. He was fine and said he was wrong and basically he seems fine about things now that we have had a chat.

Still not having his phone back though!