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Original poster

There is a little girl at nursery my daughter has taken a dislike to, what should I do ?

40 replies

mummyloveslucy · 25/02/2009 18:36

Hi, my daughter is 4 next week and goes to an all girls nursery attached to a girls school. She is a happy sociable little girl but will always let the other children lead and she won't take charge even if the child is a couple of years younger.
Anyway, she talkes about her friends and says who she likes but she seems to dislike one girl in particula. When ever she talks about her party she says "but not P, I don't want her to come". I say firmly to her that all your friends are comming and You should be kind to everyone.
I don't know wether to mention it to the school and see if they've noticed anything? I've seen this little girl at several partys and in school and I can't work out why she dosn't like her. She seems more confident than my daughter but dosn't seem bossy or at all agressive. I think she's really sweet actually.
I've tried asking my daughter why she dosn't like her but she just gets all huffy and says "because I don't want her for my friend", If I say why she just repeats what she's just said louder. I'm worried that if she comes to the party, my daughter might cry and show me up. If she does, what would be the best form of discipline?
What would you do?

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Lulumama · 25/02/2009 18:40

why do you have to invite her if your daughter does not like her?

you can;t force childrne to like everyone ,i'm sure you don;t like everyone you meet, and would hate to be forced to be kind to those people

you don;'t do anything or discipline her in anyway if she gets upset at a child being there she has specifically said she does not like or want there !!

Flier · 25/02/2009 18:44

your dd has told you she doesn't want this girl at er party, I think you should stick with what she wants.

thekillingofdaftpunk · 25/02/2009 18:46

4 is far too young to be making decisions about friendships (imo).

i'd invite the girl.

you're daughter wont show you up...she'll be too excited about the party...don't dwell on this.

Lulumama · 25/02/2009 18:47

inviting her is deciding on friendships ! by making her be her friend

there are 20 odd children in DDs pre school session, i know she does not like them all..

sure they don't all like her, though i find it hard to believe

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 25/02/2009 18:54

Whenever the children have a party, every child in the class is envited. It is a very small class.
The nursery are very strict on kindness and consideration of others and good manners. She is usually so good and will play with anyone, but she's taken a dislike to this girl for no apparent reason. I invite the whole class except one. How would you feel if it was your child I left out? especially as we were invited to her party.

OP posts:
handbagqueen · 25/02/2009 18:54

4 years old is too young to decide who you like and don't like. My DD at that age used to say she didn't like a particular girl in pre-school, so I made a point of having her over for play dates and soon enough they were best of friends.

My DD also knew that if she said she didn't like someone they would become a regular visitor to our house, so she started getting on with everyone. It has stood her in good stead as now at 6 years old she is the kindest sweetest little girl and tries to ensure that everyone is included in games. At school she is one of the most popular girls.

At the party your daughter will be too excited to notice that the girl is there and if she does mention it just say that you invited her to play with you. It is really cruel to exclude just one child from the class from a party.

Just remember at this age they will have a new best friend every week.

pointydog · 25/02/2009 18:56

are you planning to invite all the nursery class children? If so, you couldn't leave one out.

It's a bit late now, but I'd've asked dd if she wanted a small party for a few friends or a big one for everyone.

Don;t insist this girl is her friend if she isn't. Just say, it wouldn't be nice to leave one person out and that yo uexpect her to be polite to everyone.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 25/02/2009 18:58

That was ment to say "If" I invite the whole class except one.

OP posts:
ahundredtimes · 25/02/2009 19:00

What PD said. Small party for a few, if everyone then it has to be everyone. And you can tell her this - she can always ignore her at the party if she wants.

Lulumama · 25/02/2009 19:02

well, it is too late if you are already inviting the whole class. which is not something i am a fan of anyway.

sure your DD will play with others, but if she does not and gets uspet, don;t punish her

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 25/02/2009 19:05

That is a fantastic idea about inviting her around for play dates. I could also use it to see how they interact together. She needs to learn that everyone has their good points and that everyone should be treated with kindness.
I think I'll make note of what pressie the girl brings and keep rminding her when she plays with it that "P" bought you that, isn't she kind to you.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 25/02/2009 19:09

Like I said it's a very small class. The parents use the partys as a chance to catch up and have a chat, it's nice.
Everyone enjoys them.

OP posts:
pointydog · 25/02/2009 19:09

sounds like a terrible idea inviting her round for a playdate - lol

ahundredtimes · 25/02/2009 19:11

I agree with PD again. It will be a disaster and the girl will cry and say your dd was horrid, and your dd will look mutinous and say 'I told you I hated her.'

Don't do it.

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 25/02/2009 19:13

It should be fine, neither of them are violent.
I think if this girl is the only option of a play mate then Lucy will play with her. (fingers crossed)

OP posts:
ahundredtimes · 25/02/2009 19:14

It's quite okay to dislike someone I think. I'd ignore it and not give it oxygen - she'll probably come back in a month and say 'X is really nice, can she come round?'

pointydog · 25/02/2009 19:15

so if you had to sit and have coffee with a woman you didn't like, would you end up getting on like a house on fire?

Has your dd got a few friends already?

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 25/02/2009 19:19

My daughter wouldn't actually be horribe to her, she just seems to ignore her and play with the others. Not in a spiteful, I'm not talking to you kind of way though.
At the last party, they played a game and she co-operated well with "P". I can't understand it really.

OP posts:
lostinfrance · 25/02/2009 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 25/02/2009 19:26

Yes, she's friends with everyone accept this one girl.
I find that I can get on with anyone really, even if they're not really my cup of tea. Everyone has there good points, I can't think of anyone I know that I don't like. I have a good sence of humour so that helps.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummyloveslucy · 25/02/2009 19:29

Yep, you're probubly right there Lostinfrance. There is a part of me that wants to nosely find out what it is.
(I can't help myself) I'd love to be a fly on the wall at nursery too.

OP posts:
pointydog · 25/02/2009 19:31

you need to accept she has her own little independent slices of life

ahundredtimes · 25/02/2009 19:41

and her own opinions therein

pointydog · 25/02/2009 19:45

therein. nice touch

ahundredtimes · 25/02/2009 19:51

Am trying to win back your approval after supporting the illiterate teacher