interviewing tomorrow for ds nursery place, am worried that they will let ds coast as he is pretty forward for his age.....yes I know this sounds up myself, but it's true and I'm worried...?

[dandycandyjellybean]

His language skills are really amazing, and in lots of other areas he is way beyond his peers; not a brag but an honest observation based on others comments, including the people at the creche where he has been a couple of times a week since 5 months.

I just feel very strongly that the first 5 years are so important; he is such a sponge at the moment, and I am genuinely worried that he will be passed over or allowed to coast because there will be lots of other kids who need more assistance (again, please don't take that the way it sounds! my kid's this genius and all the others are thick - truly not what I'm meaning at all). Please help, what can I ask to make sure that he will be 'well serviced' where ever he goes, and more to the point how can I ask this sort of thing without the teachers immediately switching off and thinking 'pfb, or mummy up herself alert'?

Thanks sexbombbikerchick (what a name!)
I'd also try to find one that has small classes. There are 10 in my daughters class with two teachers. If they invite you for an open day, this is really helpfull to see how they interact with the children and you really get a feel for the place.
Your little boy sounds lovely too.
I usually get slated on MN too for my choice of words.

Ok, so your overwhelming worry is that he will be overlooked? Is that right?

In that case I would advise you to cross that bridge if and when you ever come to it. Chances are that you will not, however if you do, then bring it up with practitioners.

Its kind of like worrying about an earthquake that you're not sure is going to happen. Pointless IMHO.

Your ds sounds delightful, and I'm pretty certain that your worries will be unfounded.

My DS is younger and so in nursery for childcare and not pre-school as yet. The principle is the same however.

I totally agree with the others that the most important thing to look for is a nursery with excellent staff who are friendly and genuinely interested in the children. That way, they will be as keen as you are to encourage your DS in all areas of his development.

For example, a few months back, before he was 2, DS's little day sheet thing said he is learning to count! I was surprised and questioned this. Turns out DS was counting to himself when playing with the cars. A good nursery will notice these things and encourage them, without pushing.

thanks twinklemegan that's very reassuring. Glad it's not just me then mummyloveslucy!
I am an older mum; we waited 17 years for ds. I have no friends or family nearby with similar aged children or recent experience and just wanted some kind reassurance and words of wisdom so I didn't feel so scared about the whole process today. I did say several times in my op please not to get hung up on the words I was using but to try and help me work out what to ask the nursery staff to try and get the best for my ds. I really appreciate those of you who were able to do this without flaming me for my choice of words or for daring to worry overly about my ds.

At that age he needs play, play and more play. He has a whole school life to come for formal work! Littlefish had great posts.

I do understand your concern. My ds (now 5) was very demanding of time at nursery and he got it - everyone there could tell me who he was. My daughter (now 4) is quiet and just gets on with things, and sometimes I got the feeling that they struggled to remember who she was. However, I liked the nursery when I went to see it and although over the years I did have some issues with it, by and large I think my children did generally get what they needed out of it. When they needed attention both of them got it, its just that dd needed less than ds.

My advice would be to see how happy he looks in the environment and whether he seems to "fit in" and how you intuitively feel about it.

Good luck.

Sexbomb...your boy sounds like my DD, she got on really well at nursery, there were a couple of other girls there who were as lively and bright as she, she made friends, the staff LOVED her as she was well behaved etc, she got loads of 1 to 1 as they thought she was so lovely, we still see one of her nursery ladies now as DD loved her so.
DD was given lots of helping duties and helped with younger ones, and her sense of responsibility really thrived.
Unless the nursery is pants they will welcome your son with open arms as he sounds like a dream child. They would not ignore him in preference to disruptive children, in fact he would get more time with the staff most likely as they will be able to chat with him.

I did the whole worry thing too, but it's social skills, a sense of right and wrong and lots of friends that young kids need.

The only thing I can think that would really be bad for him is if he doesn't like any of the staff or children after 12 weeks or so.
He sounds like my DD so in all likelihood will prefer the company of the adults anyway.

Don't overthink it!

I am a mum after 17 years too with an only child, it's natural to worry, but the academic stuff will come later, he could probably not bother till he was 7 and still pick it all up so don't worry over that side of it at all. I did, massively, but it's happy playing with friends children need and the ability to stand on their own feet and take pride in what they do, not "adult" learning when they are 3,4,5.

thank you thank you thank you miggsie!!!! just what I needed to hear I feel so much better now.

I'm sure your little boy will be absoluitly fine, he has a fantastic, supportive mummy who wants the very best for him.
He is very lucky and is bound to thrive.
I's so hard taking that first step in letting them go, I found myself imaganing every possible negative outcome before I even looked at a nursery.
When I saw how happy my daughter was, I knew I'd made the right decission.
They say that parents should give their children two things in life
One is roots and the other is wings.
The roots part is easy, it's what comes naturally. It's the wings part (the letting go) that's the hardest.
I wish you both all the best in finding your perfect nursery.

hi sexbomb.

i would go, as other posters have said, on your gut feeling for the nursery.....go, see how the other children are with eachother, see how the staff are, and be very open to what is going on around you....stand back and observe...every nursery can reel off the wonderful things they do IN THEORY! get a look at how they work in practice.

ask about how much one to one or small group interaction the children get with staff...maybe you'll feel more reassured that he will be noticed and not left to get on with things if they appear to have lots of time like this.

visit a few nurserys within your area and see which one you feel your little boy will fit into the best.

good luck!

sexbombbikerchick are you talking about nursery pre-school or nursery childcare? no experience of latter - ds is with a cm - but i have found pre-school to be well structured. do you have a choice of where to send him?

thanks all. looked at the 2 local nurseries, one of which is connected to the school he will be going to. We had a look around the school too, which is lovely only 150 or so kids and the school motto is 'love, laugh, learn' which I thought was smashing.

But he can't start that nursery until Sept 09, and on reflection, I felt that it was too much like school, very regimented and structured. Whereas the other nursery that we looked at that feeds all the local schools had absolutely fantastic facilities, indoor and out, and has an ethos of free play; i.e. it was slinging it down with rain today, but if any of the children wanted to play outside (in wellies, hats and coats, etc) then they were free to do so, which I felt suited us. Have put an application form in for that one and am hoping he can start in January.

Thanks for all your kind support and reassurance, it really helped.

I think that play is important but to draw a distinction between learning and playing is false. There is creative play that brings in lots of different types of learning, and then there's play that doesn't - it's satisfying different needs, like comfort, escape, relaxation. I do think it matters which kind of play my child spends his day engaged in! I also have a verbally advanced 3 yr old, but his social skills are behind his peers. Left to his own devices he plays with trains pretty much exclusively and gets into a bit of a zone. He's at nursery all day 4 days a week (unfortunately but as a single student parent i don't have a choice right now) and it does worry me. I know for a fact that staff look at him and think, he's occupied, he's content, leave him to it. There seems to be a current idea that children automatically know how to play and what they like doing most - even though they may not have yet experienced the thing they will end up liking most! DS has just turned three and knows all his letters, numbers, etc, and can recognise and write his name. That's not a good in itself, obviously, and I'm not boasting, but he loves doing that stuff! I haven't brow-beaten him into it. DS responds really happily when he is engaged with, shown new games/things/ways to play etc and it does worry me that this doesn't happen at nursery. I don't think having these anxieties makes me a pushy, pressurising parent.

Gut instinct works every time. My ds went to a Montessori from 2.2 which served him very well but he then struggled a bit to adjust to the more regimented regime of school.I chose his nursery on the basis that I would be happy to leave him there without worrying.

I wouldn't worry about choosing a nursery connected to the school either. My ds started in reception this term and left all his nursery friends behind. He has made new friends at school and we make a little bit of effort to stay in touch with nursery friends.

I have always been told that my ds is very bright but I do think at this age social skills are really important too. There is plenty of time in their school life for all the formal learning.