interviewing tomorrow for ds nursery place, am worried that they will let ds coast as he is pretty forward for his age.....yes I know this sounds up myself, but it's true and I'm worried...?

[dandycandyjellybean]

His language skills are really amazing, and in lots of other areas he is way beyond his peers; not a brag but an honest observation based on others comments, including the people at the creche where he has been a couple of times a week since 5 months.

I just feel very strongly that the first 5 years are so important; he is such a sponge at the moment, and I am genuinely worried that he will be passed over or allowed to coast because there will be lots of other kids who need more assistance (again, please don't take that the way it sounds! my kid's this genius and all the others are thick - truly not what I'm meaning at all). Please help, what can I ask to make sure that he will be 'well serviced' where ever he goes, and more to the point how can I ask this sort of thing without the teachers immediately switching off and thinking 'pfb, or mummy up herself alert'?

Um, I really wouldn't worry about it. Choose a good nursery where he'll be well looked after. All you need to do is ask what sort of activities are available and how they'd react to a little boy who is interested in X, Y and Z and support his interests.

'Allowed to coast' is the wrong phrase to use about a little boy who isn't even at at school yet. You shouldn't be pushing him, you should just be following his lead.

I don't push him at all, I discovered the other day when we were playing a silly game imagining he was driving a car while we were out walking that he can tell his left from his right. I didn't teach him that and we don't do anything 'educational' except read with him. And as you say, I am worried that they won't be paying attention to 'his lead' because they will be too busy focusing elsewhere. I knew it would come accross wrong; I don't want them cramming him or working him for hours on end with flash cards, I'm just worried that with all the focus on targets and league tables and such that they won't be worrying too much about stretching a child who already ticks a lot of the boxes iyswim.

And perhaps I mean not stimulated enough, rather than allowed to coast...sorry.

Interestingly, you haven't said anything about:

His social relationships
His ability to make friends
His independence skills
His turn taking skills
His sharing skills
His listening skills
His imagination
His creativity
etc
etc
etc

These are the skills which should be focussed on at nursery. Almost all nurseries can teach a child basic phonic and number skills. What you should be asking about is my list above.

I completely agree with edam.

What sort of stimulation do you think he needs? Children learn by playing. At nursery he'll play.

How old is he?

(completely agree with edam and littlefish - great list btw)

Play, play and more play IMO

That is what I'd be asking about

I rejected a nursery because they went on and on about their numeracy and literacy 'programme'... and that they offered French and Spanish

If he's as bright as you say he is, this will be picked up at school... he's not going to lose his intellectual/academic capabilities by being over-stimulated with play

I looked more for caring welcoming "nice" staff tbh.

My dd is nurtured and cared for and gets on well with her friends at nursery.

Everything else will follow. He will learn lots by playing and watching other children and the teachers too.

Thanks Mercy

There's one missing though:

His curiosity and interest in investigating

FWIW ds is also a little sponge, did very well at nursery and now he's in school. But I really didn't push him at all and never wanted nursery to, either. Nursery is about playing, IMO. And just letting him be seems to be working well so far.

my neice was very "stimulated" by my brother and what seemedto be an above average child gradually slid andsetteld at around normal.

Have no idea whether she was always destined (liek most of us) to be nomral but I have to be honest and say that the "stimulation ie always making sure she was doing as much as she was capable of and that she wasn't coasting was extremely wearing.

Just being (IMVHO) is extremely important for a child.

He will learn loads however bright he is because its a new environment and because differnt people have differnt approaches and that fresh approach will benefit him.

I don't see why you are anticipating a problem though, f you feel it becomes a probolmetalk to the teacher, why would you try to discuss a problme with a teacher that doesn;t exist yet - they will think you are a loon!

In my experince people who are generally bright rarely need stimulation at that age - they find almost anything interesting and soak up new things like a sponge.

(PS my two year old can tell left from right, learnt it from the Sat Nav!)

I had a long chat with dd's nursery teacher last week.

I am a nursery/primary teacher myself and was interested in her feedback on dd.

We have very deliberately not pushed dd in any way re. phonics/number etc. It would have been very easy for me to do, as it's something I do for my job, but we have kept away from it completely.

However, her nursery is the most fabulous play based, child centred environment with endless opportunities for the children to decide the direction of their own learning, learn through play, investigation and exploration.

Dd's nursery teacher said that dd loves books, language, exploring, investigating, being active, being outside, jumping in puddles and scaring herself! She feels that once dd is at school, she will make rapid progress with literacy and numeracy but that she (the teacher) wants to continue giving dd the opportunities to learn in her own way for as long as possible.

I would be absolutely daft to try and influence this wonderful opportunity in any way.

I feel we put children in situations of formal learning far too early. We place far too much value on early reading and writing.

SBBC - please just let him play! School will come soon enough, and if he's supported correctly through play, he will receive all the stimulation he needs.

I should add that my other neice(younger sister of the one I mentioned) was virtually ignored - defintiely benign neglect school of parenting (the "stimulation" appraoch not havingworked). Really had amazingly little input from parents got scholarship to private school, cam etop in teh county maths cometition at a year younger than the otehrs and isnow studying maths at unversity. And is a really lovely outgoing well-balanced girl. Her sister struggeld to do things wihtout a degree of structure and "spoon feeding" even at 20.

Might just be the way they both are but I tell you the older one wasn't given two minutes peace and quiet without naming animals and counting and ....

Oh, that sounds awful - I don't push other people's children with phonics/number either! I just know about it.

LOL, so did mine, KC! "No, Mummy, lady says go LEFT!" Bloody hell, it's not just the satnav woman getting increasingly shrill with me for knowing bits of the route better than she does...! Maybe I should hire out DS2 to do a satnav voice - nobody would dare go the "wrong" way then

OP, it's hard to let someone else take over the care and education of your child. It's good that you are interested and care how he'll be spending his time way from you. You will make a good choice and your son will be fine. But don't get too hung up on what he can and can't do - that way competitive parenting and book-bag snooping lies.

Dd asked today "Have we reached our destination yet?" - teachers will obviously be replaced with SatNav soon!

oh hunker we had a road closed incident today...

Sat nav "turn left TURN LEFT TURN LEFT"

KC "No I'm bloody not turning turing left and don;t send me back the same way again stupid woman"

KC jnr (all the way home).. "NO NOT TURN LEFT, 'TUPID LADY... then louder "NO NOT TURN LEFT LADY"

Littlefish great post completely agree!
DS is in the top few of his class in y2 and has been since y1.
In reception he came on so fast it was unbelievable and lovely to watch he caught up and overtook many in his class in the first term.
However on leaving nursery he couldn't write his name , colour very well etc etc.
He soaked up things every day but was like a mini whirlwind and don't know if sitting him down in a formal learning environment would have been detrimental to his love of learning now!
For me they are little for such a short time and play is the most valuable learning tool pre school.
I would be looking for a safe , happy environment with lot's of fun and friendly staff.
Time for everything else when he get's to school!

Ohhh, DS2 would not be keen on a road closed situation. LOL at "tupid lady"

Agree that making them do stuff often turns them off learning - at this age, you give them the skills to know how to learn. So don't quash their inquisitiveness with "This is how you count, read, learn about this, think about that" - let them find out for themselves and guide with a light touch. And a satnav.

playing is sooooooo important, it allows them to develop the skills necessary to cope with peers at school. It also allows them to find out what they are good at naturally, it opens up their minds to be able to absorb all sorts of information. I have choosen DD reception school, purely because of the emphasis on play, I would like my dd to be receptive to all different types of learning and to be able to apply her knowledge and play is so important in developing these skills. Many secondary school children are unable to apply knowledge, so many 'bright' children fail later on as they've been spoonfed for so many years.

Okay, I'm getting it. I am a totally up myself mother. I am trying to do this pretty much on my own and was just worried that I might fail him in some way. Just wanted some reassurance really. Feel like a bit fat pushy mother now. Have never pushed him, don't want him pushed, will never push him, was just worried that I would make the wrong decision about nursery and fail his early development in some way. Am obviously feeling way too insecure for mumsnet at the mo.
His social relationships are excellent, he regularly mixes with a wide age group of children at creche, and has a lot of continual contact with adults at home, ds at home all the time as is disabled.
His ability to make friends; makes friends well, chats happily to an elderly lady in the post office or another child his age.
His independence skills; is generally independant, though can be clingly when he's tired, poorly or just feeling a bit 'off'.
His turn taking skills; something we've worked hard at, as he is an only, but at the creche and in general play with others seems to be doing well.
His sharing skills; again, something we have really tried hard with, shares most things if asked, although I never make him share his special teddy.
His listening skills; excellent.
His imagination; coming on well, has a good sense of humour, and can cook up quite a tale.
His creativity; likes to make and do, not too into colouring but loves to paint.

Will sod off now, I realise that I'm just coming across as a pushy mum, which is what I was afraid of. More insecure and frightened about making what feels like a monumental decision about ds' future and getting it wrong. Am obviously getting it all out of proportion and will just bugger off and chill out.

how old is he?

Oh dear

Your attitude makes me really

Your little ds should be allowed to play. Not "stretched" or "well-serviced" (whatever that means - this is a child we're taking about right?) or not be "allowed to coast".

Please re-think your philosophy for your son in his early years ...there is soooo much opportunity for him to 'work' as he goes through the education system, for now you should be focussing on the other things that really really matter at his age, like the ones on littlefish's list (great list btw).

Your son will come to no harm in simply playing - he will learn this way, i promise.

Madrose - I read some really interesting info on "bright" children. It talked about them being "fragile learners" as they've gone through their school lives getting things right. As soon as they meet major challenges, be they social or academic, they can find them extremely difficult as they haven't developed the resilience or open ended thinking to enable them to learn through making mistakes and trying again.

Learning through play and exploration helps to develop this resilience as there is no right or wrong way of doing it

In Sept 2008 there was a legislative change in what Nursery is for

Pre then - good nurseries concentrated on play - standard & poor nurseries concentrated on education

Now ALL nurseries must concentrate on play by law

He sounds gorgeous. I think you just got this a little out of perspective. Don't beat yourself up.