I am very much in the benign neglect parenting camp. I take my lead from my dcs so if they want me to play with them, read to them, talk to them, etc, I do. If they are happy playing alone/with a sibling then I get on with something else.
His preschool was a very play centred environment, they did odd bits of more formal learning but were very much guided by the children's interest. They spent a lot of time helping the children to be sociable and teaching them how to co-operate, share, sit quietly and listen, etc.
I'm also an ex teacher but like Littlefish, I deliberately did nothing 'academic' with him at home, no letters, no sounds, no writing - apart from what he asked about. He's a typically curious child - asks endless questions, quite a few of which stump me, but he seems to retain 90+% of the answers I give him.
He started in Reception in September unable to write his name, could recognise his name, knew the letter of his initial and his siblings' initials, could count to 20 and apply it to objects but that was it.
Fast forward 8 weeks and he knows all his phonic sounds, can write most of the letters, is reading the first stage reading books with ease and is just flying.
His teacher has commented on what a lovely child he is to have in the classroom, how polite, well mannered, kind, sociable, etc, etc which means far more to me in terms of his development than his acamdemic achievements.
There's no point in being bright if you are completely unable to get along with people and know how to behave socially. IMO, the best nursery would be one that places maximum importance on all those things in LittleFish's list because they are the ones that will benefit him most in life. There is plenty of time to nurture his acamdemic abilities when he goes to school.