DD1 seems to be the only child at her preschool who can't write her name...

[melpomene]

DD1 will be 4 in April. She is at preschool 5 mornings a week. At the start of each session, the children have a go at writing their names on a piece of paper, and writing or drawing what they plan to do during the session. The pieces of paper are then stuck on the wall.

Most of the other children seem to be able to write their names from scratch on a blank piece of paper. DD1 needs to have her name written in dotted lines by one of the preschool staff, and then traces over it. As far as I can tell, she is the only one who does it that way. Many of the other children also write down the names of activities clearly eg "dressing up".

I know that these children are still very young and dd1 has lots of time to catch up and learn. It seems ridiculous to get into academic competetiveness at this young age, but it does worry me that the other children all seem to be so far ahead of dd1 in this regard She often lacks confidence and I'm worried this will dent her confidence even more, though I'm not sure at this stage whether she's noticed the other children are 'better' at writing than she is.

When I casually asked a couple of the other mothers whether they had done much writing practice with their children, the reply was "Oh no, she picked it up by herself."
I do a bit of work on letter recognition with dd1, incorporating it into everyday life/games, and sometimes write her name for her to trace.

My questions are:

• is it normal for a 3yo to be able to write their name?
• should I be doing more to help dd1 learn to write, or should I just keep it casual and not worry about it?

It is normal for some 3 year olds to be able to write their name if they have been coached, yes

It is also normal for them to not give a fig and not yet have the skills to do it

Whether it is desirable to put an emphasis on early reading and writing or even to teach it at all at this age is another matter

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't get sucked into this competitive crap or these mothers will make your life hell from now on, it never ends. I don't think you need to be doing ANYTHING now other than playing and having fun with your dd and valuing her for who she is. If she picks up some writing at preschool then whoop de doo but HONESTLY, have these women got nothing better to do than build their own self- esteem on whether or not their child is making marks on a piece of paper?

oooh sorry

bit of a parp subject

my DS was 4.3 when he went to school - he had been at playgroup - but couldn't write his name.

My DTs are 4.2 now - and can sort of write their names - but they are much more interested in all that than their brother was - maybe because they see him doing it.

I would not worry at all - if she can't write her name by the end of the first year of primary then I would be more concerned.

Parp subject here too.

DON'T WORRY!

She will learn in her own time.

dd is exact same age as yours. she can write name from scratch (with letters reversed etc) but i would guess she's one of 4 or 5 in her class that can. being able to write "dressing up" at this age is just freaky imho. but then again there are kids a good 6 months older in her class and some do these amazingly detailed drawings and write numbers etc. which dd would never do, and a few months can still make a huge difference at this age.

i would say that dd has never once commented on the (hugely) different ability levels of kids in her class (is v play based and non-academic) and never seems bothered if her friends can do stuff she can't, so i wouldn't be anticipating performance anxiety yet.

it sounds to me as though you're doing plenty (do you do i-spy? dd loves it) and certainly if they're doing this much at school personally i would be totally relaxed about it at home.

Are you happy with this preschool, btw? It seems like they are putting quite a lot of emphasis on written work and also encouraging a competitive ethos by having all the children line up to complete this activity and then display them on the wall.

At this age I would like to think my child was playing with sand and dough and water, doing craft and art activities, engaging in active play, listening to stories, singing songs etc. Not starting the day with a formal activity which even a child can see has only one desirable outcome and is easily measured up against classmate's superior efforts.

My DD when she was 3 could write her name

My DS is 3 now and can just about write the first letter of his name.

I have done the same amount of letter recognition with both.

Dont worry

My ds couldn't write his own name by the end of the first year of school. Seems to have caught up by now though half way through year one.

dd1 couldnt write her own name til she was at school.

dd2 (4 and at nursery) can write the first part of her name sometimes 'laur' but can also type it fully on the pc

havent taught either of them myself.

i wouldnt worry about it!

I work in a pre-school and very few of the children can write their name. It is not something we push TBH.

However my dd, who is 5 now, could have written 'dressing up' when she was 4 and is certainly not 'freaky' She wasn't a very fast runner or particularly good at any of the gross motor stuff, writing was just her thing.

ds is 3 and isn't interested in writing at all!

totally agree with FandZ's post - just ignore the competitive mothers - they are a nightmare!

My daughter made her first utterances early, had a huge vocab at 18 months, etc. etc.

Then her daddy bought her loads of learning books age 3, she went to nursery (pre-prep school - v. competitive academic focus) and then went to a small school with cross key stage classes.

Now, she is turned off to learning and struggling.

I took her out of school for a year to Home Ed in a relaxed way, so books available and read TO her and a megasketch under her bed plus notebooks for midnight scribbling...cooking cakes, shopping at sainsbury's!

She is no longer afraid and is finally, FINALLY progressing again instead of going backwards.

Don't worry.

ds is 4 and a half and can only write a few letters (but the other day he managed zorro, I'm quite proud!). Honestly, why a 3 yrs old should be able to write his/her name, I don't understand.

he managed to write

The other thing to remember is that it depends a lot on the actual name- ds started to write his name on things at nuresery but only because it was an extremely easy short name with no difficult letters, and he'd picked it up from his peg and so on. I certainly never showed him, so don't assume that everyone around you is a madly competitive mother, it's not necessarily true. It makes not a jot of difference to their performance in the end, I really don't think it's a signifier of future academic brilliance.

Ditto Franny's first post.

DO NOT let the ubermums spoil this time for you. Plenty of time for making marks on bits of paper later, when it actually means something. There is no correlation between early squiggle-making and future happiness

by the way - it depends on the name - eg it is much much easier to learn to write TOM than ALEXANDER

I totally agree with Franny's first post too.
Let your DD go at her own pace, and let her enjoy being a child.

Thanks, that is reassuring. I was feeling insecure partly because of my own issues; I was quite academic as a child and my self esteem depended on being at (or near) the top of the class. I don't want dd1 to feel like that. She is a wonderful, creative, imaginative and sensitive little girl. As several of you have pointed out, fun and other types of activity are far more important at this age.

puppydavies, we have tried "I spy" but she doesn't quite get it yet. Magnetic fridge letters are a big hit.

Franny, we are happy with the preschool overall and they do a wide range of activities. DD1 enjoys it; she asked to go there this morning and was disappointed that she can't because it's Sunday. If she starts showing any signs of feeling pressured about the writing I shall have a word with them.

I would try not to worry about it

Dd didn't really start writing till year 1, her brother is making more of an effort (in reception now) but even then, he didn't really start writing till they showed him how to (and he certainly can't do all his letters).

It's more an indicator of how developed their fine motor skills are - and all children develop at different paces.

I think the pre-school must be quite unusual if virtually all the other children can write because the non-writers definitely outnumbered the writers at both my children's pre-schools.

"she asked to go there this morning and was disappointed that she can't because it's Sunday."

Oh well that sounds fairly conclusive

I was struggling earlier with putting another thought of mine into words - Greeny has touched on it - I think it would be better if generally children learnt skills at their own pace and in an order that is practical and useful to them at that time. I know there is very heavy emphasis on early reading and writing in this country, because the way our school system works requires that the children can work independently from a very young age. Generally though, has a 3 year old (or 4, or 5 y o) a very great need to be able to read or write? Not IMO. Things like cooking, social skills, self care, crafts, housework etc, to me all represent activities that they CAN usefully be engaged with and that focusing on these life skills would be more appropriate than the ones we currently prize.

I am also aware that some children DO seem driven to read and write, from a very young age, and think by allowing ourselves to be led by the child's own interests we will not go far wrong.

Great post franny

and you got a namecheck

Agree with Franny and everyone else here Melpomene, really don't worry about it
Ds could not write his name at four, which suited me just fine. He could not read a word either when he started school. His nursery had correctly allowed them to spend the bulk of the day playing.
He is 7 now and a confident writer, reader and speller. Your dd1 will be fine.

DS really didn't pick it up until he'd started school so don't worry about it....

Ds was nearer 5 when he could (and more importantly wanted to) write his own name
dd was 2 and a half

they do it when they can...or when they want to i reckon

ds had other things that interested him more.. whereas dd's main interest is drawing ...(plus she is a competative little mare)