DD1 seems to be the only child at her preschool who can't write her name...

[melpomene]

DD1 will be 4 in April. She is at preschool 5 mornings a week. At the start of each session, the children have a go at writing their names on a piece of paper, and writing or drawing what they plan to do during the session. The pieces of paper are then stuck on the wall.

Most of the other children seem to be able to write their names from scratch on a blank piece of paper. DD1 needs to have her name written in dotted lines by one of the preschool staff, and then traces over it. As far as I can tell, she is the only one who does it that way. Many of the other children also write down the names of activities clearly eg "dressing up".

I know that these children are still very young and dd1 has lots of time to catch up and learn. It seems ridiculous to get into academic competetiveness at this young age, but it does worry me that the other children all seem to be so far ahead of dd1 in this regard She often lacks confidence and I'm worried this will dent her confidence even more, though I'm not sure at this stage whether she's noticed the other children are 'better' at writing than she is.

When I casually asked a couple of the other mothers whether they had done much writing practice with their children, the reply was "Oh no, she picked it up by herself."
I do a bit of work on letter recognition with dd1, incorporating it into everyday life/games, and sometimes write her name for her to trace.

My questions are:

• is it normal for a 3yo to be able to write their name?
• should I be doing more to help dd1 learn to write, or should I just keep it casual and not worry about it?

Can't say it held ds back either...and i'm pretty sure it won't mean a thing with dd in the long run

my son is in montessori school and can barely hold a wax crayon

I fully anticipate he will get 10 A* at GCSE

OMG! My ds is 3.3 and can't even draw faces yet! He still scribbles and says it's a digger.

Is this a nursery for freaky gifted kids who have been tutored every day for 4 hours by pushy parents who starve them until they write their own names? Which are usually dumb names like Odysseus anyway!

I do wish parents wouldn't compare, it's such a bore. I assume this is the OP's first - wait till you have your second, you wouldn't give a fig whether that child could even hold a crayon then! life becomes more of a "yeah whatever" once you have number 2.

DD1 will be four next week, and she can't write her name either....

She does go to nursery two full days a week, and is loved by us, and we do give her attention etc etc.

I'm sure she'll figure it out at some point, I'm sure when she starts school in September, there will be children who can read, write, do quadratic equations, and know the fundamentals of quantum physics... and I'm sure dd will arrive at that point in her own time.... I refuse to be eaten up with worry over it. I'm sure there will be other little children at the same point as dd1 ie unable to write their names.

I wouldn't worry about it. Your DD will do it when she is ready. I am sure there are other areas she prefers right now, and at this age it is not important for her to be able to write.

Some children do pick these things up themselves though. And I don't think it is competitive to have the children's efforts on the wall. My experience of all this was that the little ones just like to see their own work displayed, and don't really take much notice of what others can and can't do. If the parents care and want to be competitive, that is their problem really - ignore them.

Important thing to remember that none of it, all the way through school infact, is a competition. So long as each child tries their best then they are doing fab.

well done franny - you said what i too needed to hear. what I know, but also what i needed to hear.

my dd started at school nursery in January (full time, no choice of half days - but she is loving it so much that I am not worried about it) and has come on in leaps and bounds since she started. However, i find myself aware that some of the other children can write their names, accurately copy sentences of written words, and some can read too. and shamefully i find myself worrying aabout it, which is a Bad Thing. I am forcing myself (and DH) to remember that she is not even 4 yet fgs, and as much as we worry, I have never met a child (sn etc apart) who can't read and write at, say, 8. They all balance out in the end and just bevause they appear to excel (have been coached relentlessly at home ) does not mean that they are still going to be ahead of the rest in 10 years time! And even if they never shine at the head of the class, in reality, who should give a fig as long as they are happy and we believe in the fact that they are doing theor best.

I have to constantly bring myself back in check and tell myself it is not a bloody competition.

My dd had incidently, this weekend, just started showing some interest (and bless her, wobbly, wrong ordered ability) in writing her name. She knows how to spell it but it is so complex using all those skills such as remembering the letters, remembering how they look and how to draw them AND how to spell her own name.

Last week outside school there was talk from some mums about "ds/dd can read but mrs x won't believe me and is telling me not to push him/her".

bah!!!

Don't worry . My dd is the same age as yours (I remember you from bbc) and she can write her name but it is also a very short easy name to write. IIRC your dd's name is quite long with alot more letters to remember. My dd is one of the only ones in her pre school who can write her name so don't worry!

Well my ds2 is 5 and a half and still can't write his name 'properly' - you can recognise the letters if you know what he's trying to write but to an outsider, it would be difficult to read. I'm not worried and neither are his teachers. He's obviously smart in other areas and will get there when he's ready IMO. He will repeat his reception year (shock horror) because he's simply not ready to move on to the next group. Lots of his friends had to repeat last year.

I soooo agree with Franny - DO NOT get sucked into this horrible parenting competition.

FWIW, I REFUSE to coach my 5 year old outside school. We do playdough and drawing if he feels like it as I know his fine motor skills and still poor, but we would rather go to the woods with the dog or climb trees or play cricket. I think parents who intensively coach their little children are weird

My 3 and half year old show no interest whatsoever in even trying to write his name.

My partner has been known to spell his daughters' names wrong

Ditto, my dh has spelt ds2's name wrong a couple of times.

Ds1 is 3 y 5 months. He can recognise his name amonngst others, but that's it. Cannot recognise individual letters. He's not expected to be able to do more than this before moving up to reception, though.

Well, DS2 who is 4 in April can write his name pretty well. But the only reason I have shown him is cause he asked, after doing it dotted on Christmas cards. Plus he has (obv writing) older DD and DS1.

DD who is a very neat writer at 5.5 only just started writing her name a month before she was 4. Not very neatly wither. DS1 could do it when he left nursery school at 4.5 but not in a very controlled manner.

Plenty of the children at DS2's pre-school don't seem to write their name, tho yes, some can do it well.

TBH I wouldn't worry at all. Lots of the children in th ereception class I help out in can't write their names yet! (now that is more of a worry after a term and a half of school...)

(Agree with F&Z btw that this seems an unnecessarily competitive way to start the day)

Throckeholt, that's right, why didn't we all pick Ben or Tom or Eve or Mia!!??

melpomene, do not worry. My DS started pre-school in Sept 2006 and will be 4 in May. I felt the same as you over Xmas when he received cards from his classmates and most of them had 'signed' their own names. I asked him if he wanted to sign his cards but he said he could not and refused to try, I did not push it, it was obvious he could not and boy did I worry about it! He is 3 going on 60, so articulate, had a full vocabulary by 2, count etc, etc so proud mummy assumed he would be top of the class. Anyway, just this Saturday he held up the Etch-A-Sketch to me and there was his name. I was so proud. He then got me to spell the names of DS2, dad and me and wrote each one without needing any reference for the letters, straight out of his little memory. A lesson to me to stop being competitive and remember they are all individuals who get to same place eventually.

I too work in a pre school and not many of ours write their name. We also do not focus on writing it is more about play. Some children however, like to try and write. Yes we encourage if they want to do it, but it is never an activity

Try not to worry melpomene, but I know how you feel!

Ds2 is in the school nursery now - he's 4.4. I'd say almost all of the children can pretty easily, and confidently, write their names. They all write their names when the go in as well (though I don't think they are displayed anywhere). Ds2 can do his but not as well as most of the others. He is still switching from left to right hand and he doesn't hold the pen very tightly either. I don't practice with him other than if we have a card to write, he will write his own name in it.

Like others have said, it can depend on how easy the name is to write as well. He can write his brother's name very easily (Tom) but his own is more difficult.

I'm even more 'worried' about ds3 who starts the same pre-school in September but is only 3 on 29th August!! So this time next year he'll be having to attempt to write his name as well! Again, his name is not that easy to do (compared to Tom anyway) and at the moment he can just about scribble

Dd1 could write her name at 3, Dd2 at about 3.6 but Ds is now 4.3 and can only do the H and thats it.

Tbh I hadn't really though about it until I read this but then I think the nursery would say if they were concerned about it and they haven't as yet.

I have never tried to get Ds to write his name at home as tbh he hates doing stuff like that.

My dd can only do 2 letters of hers and I don't coach her but I'm fairly sure it's one of the goals for Reception to write their own name anyway, not preschool.