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Preschool education

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Original poster

what can your 3 yr old pre-school son do and not do? I'm not competitive, but concerned!

45 replies

sparklemagic · 14/07/2006 23:09

Just to explain why I ask, my DS is 3 and won't be 4 till August but goes to reception in September.

I was really really taken aback when the pre-school lady told me at the door today as I was leaving, that the reception teacher might be popping in 'with the SENCO' to have a look at my DS; I gathered from what she said that they had passed on to the teacher that my DS was a child who is 'eccentric' and likes to do his own thing....funnily enough they have been really positive about DS in the past because of this, saying how individual he is and how they are sure he will do something amazing in life....

but now I am just concerned that at school they will see him as a 'problem' or that they think actually he has some form of speical needs.

Will try to make this short as poss but want to give you a picture of DS; he was an alert, contented, smiley baby who hit all the usual milestones. He started talking at 10 months and has always been very articulate indeed, it often draws comments from people about how articulate he is. He is a complete chatterbox and will go up to anyone and start talking to them. He can complete a transaction in a shop no problem, will go up and ask for what he wants, follw shop assistant and thank them charmingly when they've found what he wants!

Physically very active, loves jumping, running, swimming...

He recognises lots of shapes and all the colours, but I would say isn't reliable on his numbers yet, still calls a 9 a 6, or a 7 a 5 sometimes..recognises his name and lots of letters but not all letters. Can hold a pencil with a 'normal' grip but has to be shown every time and reminded. Can't write his name, is unwilling to follow dots to make letters. He can do very shaky, unoformed but recognisable shapes such a square, circle, triangle...can join matching things with lines but on more 'detailed' observation things like telling the differences between pictures, just can't seem to 'see' the differences...but can make up a little story from two pictures...

I have not done writing etc with him as I have felt he is only 3 and there's no hurry, and I know pre-school pretty much let him free play as they will not pressure a child to join in...but now I am really spooked by talk of a SENCO for him! I suddently wonder if there is something about him I haven't seen as he's my first, and I have been so determined for him not to have to fit in with writing etc at his age!

sorry for this long post, what do you think?

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edam · 14/07/2006 23:18

Gosh, I have no experience of this as ds isn't three until Tuesday, but I'd be surprised if school expect him to have perfect pencil grip and all that stuff. He sounds fine to me - they all have things they are better at and things where other kids are ahead of them, don't they?

brimfull · 14/07/2006 23:23

well he sounds exactly the same as my ds who will be 4 in sept,so not going to school until next yr.

ALl the developmental things you mentioned sound so like ds,especially the writing,observation ,drawing etc.
Ds is not interested in much except thomas trains,football,thunderbirds.

I have never been told he is in need of any extra help although I and his preschool realise his attention span is still quite short when it comes to sittind down and doing anything.

I'm frankly shocked that he may be referred to senco.

carol3 · 14/07/2006 23:30

sounds completely normal development to me. I wouldn't worry at all as you say he's only three.

Original poster
sparklemagic · 14/07/2006 23:42

oh, thank you... I really wasn't sure what response I might get..It's amazing how this has made me feel a wreck! I've always been so anti making DS do any of the writing stuff as he's just not interested, and I feel it's a crazy system in this country that he will be starting school at barely four years old.

I think the crux of it for me is that DS is a highly sensitive child and I have really really worked to not squash him, to let him be himself, in order to build his confidence. It's good to hear DS is at the same stage as others as I felt so dismayed at talk of a SENCO. I guess I need to talk to the pre-school and probe further about where on earth they are coming from!

OP posts:
ninah · 14/07/2006 23:55

Don't worry about SENCO, really. When my dd was born ds was 3.4 and nursery really made a big deal of how he was handling it etc. He tends to have big emotional outbursts ie tantrums and there was a earnest, well meaning nursery assistant who took it on herself to 'manage' him in a House of Tiny Tearaways etc manner. At the time I was having a horrible time with p and I was terrified our home circs were affecting ds so I didn't question her handling of the matter as I might normally have done. She called me in for meeting after meeting and then involved the SENCO person at the nursery. I was petrified, I thought it meant social services et al. They had meetings about it without me being there and failed to copy me notes despite repeated requests. However, the SENCO turned out to be a very sensible woman who basically told the drama queen assistant to ignore his outbursts and not feed them with attention and they improved. He is now in another class with a very sensible hands on lady who just sorts things out, thank god.
To give an idea, he is now 3.10, also physically active, and similar on the reading/writing obs to your ds - gets bored and frustrated with joining dots to make letters, and the only shapes he can make are amoebas - carry on as you are! the last thing you want is to turn him off learning. Every child is differnet with different intests, continue to go with his strenths, and please don't worry.

Katymac · 15/07/2006 00:11

The SENCO may simply be involved as he will be the youngest and they don't want to frighten him or put him off. So he can go as slow or fast as he needs too rather than as the school suggests

Original poster
sparklemagic · 15/07/2006 07:31

ninah, thank you so much for your post and I'm sorry you had to go through that, must have been soooo stressful.

but I am very heartened to hear what you, and Katymac say.

I am now going to be doing a little 'workbook' with him each morning just so that he is more familiar with the holding a pencil thing! It's as you say a case of going with his strengths and I don't want to force the issue or make him feel frustrated. At the moment everything he does is big, bold, huge movements (when he does a painting it's basically scribbling and bashing the table HARD using paint!) so he does have a huge adjustment to make to use the fine movements...but thanks guys, I am feeling stronger again that he will get it when HE is ready!

OP posts:
Twiglett · 15/07/2006 07:37

SENCO deal with gifted and talented children as well you know .. being bright demands as much special help as any other special need ...

It is amazing that a just turned 4 child can be taken into reception though .. do they not have a split year intake?? ... maybe that's why he's getting a senco assessment

I would look at it positively personally ..

Original poster
sparklemagic · 15/07/2006 08:00

thankyou twigglet. Locally, there's only one intake in Sept, though they do it gently - he will do 2 hours in the afternoon for the first half term, then he will do mornings only until Jan, when he'll then go full time. But even so, it is painfully young, isn't it!

I do think my DS is bright (don't we all) so will look at senco positively! Hopefully if they are involved at all it will be to help him settle as he's going to be the youngest in the school poor mite!

thanks.

OP posts:
misdee · 15/07/2006 08:10

i sat here thinking, if dd2 had been born 8hours earlier she would be starting school in janurary, as it is she wont be starting till next sept when she is actually 5. (1st sept baby).

your ds may need some extra help to settle as she will be the youngest in the class. SENCo can only help. at least they are keeping you informed unlike my dd2 pre-school, one month the mention ASD to me, next they send a report to the paed saying no concerns. so i am flummoxed.

Twiglett · 15/07/2006 08:13

ahh that's different .. round here they do 2.5 hours a day in pre-school (nursery class) from 3 or 3.5 then the term before they are due to go there are a limited number of full-time nursery places offered (I'd be desperate for one for DD) .. then they go to reception either sept or jan ... but really reception is only a little more organised than nursery

I think if its such short hours he'll be fine

Original poster
sparklemagic · 15/07/2006 09:18

blimey misdee, how annoying! what is ASD, sorry to be so uninformed?!

OP posts:
Chandra · 15/07/2006 09:43

Autistic Spectrum Disorder.

I wouldn't worry about the SENCO either, from your initial post the only thing I was thinking was that they may probably wanted to speak to you because gifted and talented.

Original poster
sparklemagic · 15/07/2006 09:52

thank you so much chandra! It's really spooky that people have said it may be because of gifted and talented etc, as although I do think DS is bright I never considered this as something they might be thinking....I should have more faith in him (bad mother emoticon).

I didn't think they would think this about him because as yet he doesn't really give them much to go on in the way of reading, knowing letters and numbers etc! If they are looking past this then they are cleverer than I thought!!!

I know DS is bright but of course he may not be at all academic and I am happy about that - I just want school to allow him to be himself, that's absolutely all.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 15/07/2006 09:53

sparkle, you ds can do ALL that? That's really advanced compared to my dd, 2.10, who out of that list, can probably only hold a pencil. Sheesh ...

Original poster
sparklemagic · 15/07/2006 09:56

yes but blueshoes DS is 3.10 that's a whole year older!!!

OP posts:
blueshoes · 15/07/2006 11:01

phew, sparkle, panic over

Enid · 15/07/2006 11:21

sparkle he sounds very like dd2 (4 in October)

excpet she is physical klutz

she can write her name though but apart from that pretty identical

Original poster
sparklemagic · 15/07/2006 11:32

thanks enid. I hate myself when I get so floored by things like this - I was feeling all strong about him not engaging yet with letters, etc, thiking that the system would just have to deal with him as he is - then at the first whiff of anything I am a jelly!

I think actually the only issue here is the lack of information coming from the pre-school actually! Things like this are said to you as you are on your way out of the door with other parents queuing up to get in and out past you!

OP posts:
Mojomummy · 15/07/2006 23:35

do you have to start him at school in September ?

I read somewhere that boys are too young to be sitting at school, & do benefit from starting a little older.

He sounds like a lovely little chap & would be a same to crush his personality.

Can't comment on his ability as I have a DD.

Clary · 16/07/2006 00:20

sparkle he sounds fine.
I think it is hard for late sumer birthdays and maybe that's why the SENCO is taking a look.
TBH I'd be delighted to get the attention IYSWIM - it sounds like a positive thing if the school has time to assess yr DS to see if his age means there are any special ed needs.
But I have to say I can't see anything in yr post to suggest there are.
Twiglett (and others) lots of LEAs now have just one intake. Several children in my DD's class are not even 5 yet and reception is about to finish. But they all settled really well, so pls don't worry about it.

psychomum5 · 16/07/2006 00:30

you could be describing my DS (he 4 next wednesday, and so also starting school september). He too is very articulate and a happy smily child, altho very shy and separates from me with difficulty going to nursery. His pencil control is poor and he doesn't yet recognise his name without support.

I am not worried tho....maybe because he is my 5th, or maybe as he simply is still 3 and I think he doesn't need rushing. My first tho, I taught to read before she started school, yet with him, I haven't done as much. we do 'read' charlie and lola books together ( I read, he points out things), but beyond that he doesn't seem keen on drawing/reading when at home.

I wouldn't worry....sounds as tho they are maybe being to pushy, and forgetting that he is still so young. Don't forget, a year difference is huge still at this age, and some of his clas mates may be almost 5 already, and so your son (like mine) will seem quite young in comparison. It sounds to me as tho the teachers may have overlooked that point with your son. maybe not, but to call in senco for a not yet 4yr old seems excessive to me.

FairyMum · 16/07/2006 01:37

DS1 is soon 5 and can not hold a pencil properly yet. Agree with everyone here that I would not worry. I cannot believe they are assissing them in this way at the age of 3. He is still a baby.

Piffle · 16/07/2006 07:18

ditch the worry about the pencil holding, it won't be for that.
I took my dd out of pre school as they were sitting her getting her to draw around bloody dots, she was the only kid there who can add and subtract and they panned her for not being able to bloody control a pencil [anger]
Ps my dd has had some delays in the past.
Now dd is in a montessori nursery - she has blossomed with the change.
She is 4 in october btw

tomal · 16/07/2006 08:23

I would speak to the pre-school supervisor asap and ask exactly why they have involved the school senco. I would be amazed if if was because of your ds's poor pencil control and grip.Early years professionals would know that there is a huge range of abilities at this age and it is very common for boys especially to be not ready to hold a pencil. I also think that is totally unprofessional of them to mention it today as you are leaving the pre-school with all the other parents. They should have called you aside to speak to you and given you a much clearer explanation of what was going on.
I'm cross on your behalf!!

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