what can your 3 yr old pre-school son do and not do? I'm not competitive, but concerned!

[sparklemagic]

Just to explain why I ask, my DS is 3 and won't be 4 till August but goes to reception in September.

I was really really taken aback when the pre-school lady told me at the door today as I was leaving, that the reception teacher might be popping in 'with the SENCO' to have a look at my DS; I gathered from what she said that they had passed on to the teacher that my DS was a child who is 'eccentric' and likes to do his own thing....funnily enough they have been really positive about DS in the past because of this, saying how individual he is and how they are sure he will do something amazing in life....

but now I am just concerned that at school they will see him as a 'problem' or that they think actually he has some form of speical needs.

Will try to make this short as poss but want to give you a picture of DS; he was an alert, contented, smiley baby who hit all the usual milestones. He started talking at 10 months and has always been very articulate indeed, it often draws comments from people about how articulate he is. He is a complete chatterbox and will go up to anyone and start talking to them. He can complete a transaction in a shop no problem, will go up and ask for what he wants, follw shop assistant and thank them charmingly when they've found what he wants!

Physically very active, loves jumping, running, swimming...

He recognises lots of shapes and all the colours, but I would say isn't reliable on his numbers yet, still calls a 9 a 6, or a 7 a 5 sometimes..recognises his name and lots of letters but not all letters. Can hold a pencil with a 'normal' grip but has to be shown every time and reminded. Can't write his name, is unwilling to follow dots to make letters. He can do very shaky, unoformed but recognisable shapes such a square, circle, triangle...can join matching things with lines but on more 'detailed' observation things like telling the differences between pictures, just can't seem to 'see' the differences...but can make up a little story from two pictures...

I have not done writing etc with him as I have felt he is only 3 and there's no hurry, and I know pre-school pretty much let him free play as they will not pressure a child to join in...but now I am really spooked by talk of a SENCO for him! I suddently wonder if there is something about him I haven't seen as he's my first, and I have been so determined for him not to have to fit in with writing etc at his age!

sorry for this long post, what do you think?

oh, thanks so much everybody, I can't tell you how supportive it is to read your posts!

Mojomummy, you have hit the nail on the head about school - the system is CRAP. If I do start him a year later, which I would love to do, he HAS to go into year one, so will miss reception year - which being a young starter, he would of course desperately need.

The system just wants them in at four to secure the funding for the school's year, simple as that.

However he will have a gentle start, only a couple of hours a day etc and I will just keep him home if he is too exhausted anyway. But the system stinks!

Thanks everyone for your re-assurance that he is fine! I will be talking to th pre-school tomorrow to get more detail from them....

Sorry, a bit late to add reassurance to the thread (keyboard was bust, so couldn't post), but both my DSs, both August boys, had lousy fine motor skills when they started school, so I really don't think the pencil control is anything to worry about.

From your post, your little boy sounds lovely and doesn't sound much different from my DS2 a year ago. Hope all is cleared up soon.

My DD is 3.4 and she has I kid you not the attention span of a gnat. She is bright in other ways. But, DH often watches other kids sit down happily and then says to me, that's it look at them, she has attention deficit disorder. I say "No. She is just like me. I was the same way"

I think your son sounds just fine. Schools (in my opinion) are sometimes too quick to slap a label on behaviour that is perfectly within the normal range.

Personally I would be pleased that the pre-school have acted on what may be a completely unfounded concern about your sons development.

Is he eccentric? does he spend a lot of time alone, and whilst he's articulate is it a two way thing? I only ask becuase couple that with a fine motor problem [poor pencil control, unwillingness to attempt writing or drawing tasks] and evidence of a high IQ can indicate an underlying problem, and if the SENCO can go in, get a feeling of the style of teaching your son might need to help him reach his full potential without him getting a complex about writing etc then that can only be a good thing, right

thanks for the replies again. Emmalou, I think in my heart of hearts that my DS is not 'eccentric'. I think he IS highly sensitive and I have tried very hard to take account of this in my parenting of him - I have let him be himself and not 'squashed' him and have been really really careful to talk to him as an equal (insofar as that is possible from his mum, he does have his moments!) I think that this approach has given him the confidence to be himself and to feel that what he wants to do is valid, and that he has the right to talk to anyone! He's extremely imaginative, I don't think he's ever related to the pre-school ladies just as himself, it's always a policeman, fireman, crocodile, space ranger......so compared to some of the more pedestrian children his character does stand out but I really don't think he is 'eccentric' in the real sense of the word. He is a very good conversationalist in that he will ask oooodles of questions, and listen to the answers, and now that he's nearly four is able to hold what I'd call a normal almost adult type conversation.

To update a bit I just had a paragraph as an end of year report and no mention was made of ANYTHING, just that he was extremely expressive, imaginative with a strong character.

Basically I'm happy with that, they have summed him up nicely....will see how reception goes I guess!

Sounds a lot like my eldest, who has been raised much the way you describe, according ot his teacher he's 'gifted'

He has struggled with writing and pencil control, but he's left handed and thats no excuse but is a real disadvantage for him! and he has come on leaps and bounds since starting school.

His teacher all year is also the SENCO so I am aware he's had some intervention, she has always made sure he's had access t appropraite booksand tells h im more detailed htings becuase he craves knowledge and retains information like a sponge, he has an insatiable thirst for knowledge, but he has never been pushed at home I don't beleive in hothousing

emma my Ds is left handed too! It's been really interesting to hear everyone's experiences and views!

Ds finished pre-school today, so we're off on the next chapter soon - gulp...

This is one to the reasons I am so glad that in NZ children start school ON their 5th birthday ...
My niece is 4 at the end of August and is starting reception in the UK in September and she is still such a 'baby' .... just 4 is soooo young to be starting formal school.
Starting at 5 gives them that extra year to get to grips with pencils and following dots and learning their numbers etc ... in fact DS had absolutely no formal learning before starting school here (all 'child led' at Kindergarten here) and he settled in really well at school both socially and academically - had he been just 4 I really think we would have had major 'settling down' issues (he is quite sensitive and at 4 was still very clingy).
Sigh ... I just don't know what the rush is for ... they have YEARS of education in front of them, why not just give them that extra year to play and explore?
Sorry, bit of a rant there!

By the way sparkle, your DS sounds fab ....

ghosty, I totally agree with you. And thankyou!

I have been doing about 2 mins 'practice' with him each day so he is more familiar with it all, but it's such a delicate balance really. I don't want to make him do stuff that he just isn't ready for and make him feel he can't do things when of course he will - when the time is right! And I can feel myself tensing up when he won't follow the lines or follows them for a second then scribbles! I really don't want to transfer this tenseness to him so I really don't let it show but grrrrrr....If I was doing this with him one year down the line, he would be ready!

Ds's friend will start reception in sept ,his b'day is august 31st.
At the new parents evening a few weeks ago ,each parent was given a laminated page with their child's name on it in joined up writing.They were asked to try and teach their children to write their names by the time they start in sept .
I find that shocking and way too much pressure for little ones.

sparkle, your ds sounds perfectly normal for his age. My ds was also very young starting reception (July baby) and was at a similar stage to yours when he started. He has now almost finished his first year at school (was part time for first term, full time since January). I would say his writing is still not great but he can now read fairly well and is also doing well at numeracy. He has also matured a lot in the past year.

I really wouldn't worry about pencil control at this stage - you may find your ds is happier to practise at school due to peer pressure, wanting to please the teacher, etc. Let him enjoy his last few weeks of freedom! His teacher probably won't expect him to be able to write anyway...

I think your ds will have a great time at school and will do well - he sounds very bright and mature for his age!

thanks ggirl, cat and Ktee! Everyone has been so helpful on this thread!

Was great to hear a senco's view, thanks - and that's very re-assuring.

And I will ease up on the practice, as you say he will no doubt do better at school rather than with me as he's just used to me playing with him, not showing him how to hold a pencil!

cat64, thanks, very practical ideas and I can tell from reading them that they are spot on, as I imagine he would have difficulty with ALL of them just now!

funnily enough he asked me if he could do his 'practice book' today and has already made some progress, did a recognisable if shaky oval when he couldn't just a few days ago.

I will have your ideas as part of our summer 'project'! Thanks!

sounds exactly like my DS1 was when he was 4 and in Nursery (he's a September baby).

He's just finished Reception year and I can't believe it's the same child he's come on so much

If he has special needs I think they are gifted/talented ones! He sounds very bright!

oh thank you helly. It's so lovely how many people have reassured me on this thread, thank god for mumsnet!!

I am new to this site and had read this with interest. OP I understand why you would be spooked, typical with this country children have to fit into a mould if they dont they cannot deal with them very well. My son is 4 November and cannot go to school as he is one month to young for this yrs intake. So he is going to pre-school, I think he is bright too, he can hold pencil properly and draw proper shapes he can read his name and if so inclined can copy letters that I write, just about readable. He can recognise a lot of other names, like any volvo as I have one,he knows the names of the shops we go to, he knows the word I think, and he can use a computer a little. If this makes him "eccentric" then senco will be onto to me, woe betide them though my OH will give them a run for their money. Dont think you need to push your son to do anything different all children learn at their own right.