2yr old excluded from nativity play

[scoobysnac]

My ds1 will be 3 in January. He's currently at a nursery which he started in September. I have just been informed by his head teacher that he is not allowed to take part in the nativity play as he has a short concentration span!! She did however say he could come and watch. Apparently there are about 5 children who won't be in it as they are 'not ready'.

I think this is absolutely disgraceful and had I known this I would not have sent him there. I just think it's so cruel to exclude children at such a young age and not think that there will be any psychological ramifications. Maybe I am reading too much into it but surely the whole fun of a nativity is the young children staring around and waving at their parent and not singing when they are supposed to. He's only 2 for goodness sake.

I am thinking if making a compliant be would greatly appreciate others views.

I just think it's so cruel to exclude children at such a young age and not think that there will be any psychological ramifications

I hope that you realise that when he is a strapping teenager he will laugh like a drain at this statement!
My DS was a shepherd at that age, he spent the entire play on his grandfather's knee in the audience with his thumb in his mouth! He wouldn't go on stage. He has no memory of it at all.
No doubt your DS's nursery recognise that they won't get him at the right place on the stage and are not going to try. He won't be remotely bothered, he won't understand or see any point.

Actually he was well over 3 yrs by that point.

OP he's a baby! He doesn't need to be in the nativity...if he wasn't in nursery he'd not even get the chance anyway! Most kids don't do this till they're over three. He really won't have a clue!

DS is really confident and outgoing. He found the nativity play at his nursery stressful - a sea of adult faces all looking at them. He was one of the oldest in the year, so almost 4. And the nursery he went to have no nativity play for the 2/3 year olds at all, only the 3/4 year olds, because of it.

I appreciate what you're saying about social exclusion, but most 2 year olds aren't aware enough of social cues to know anything different so it doesn't apply yet. If you just accept it as his being too little and he can be in the play next year, then he will as well. He'll take his attitude from you - he's still a baby, really. He won't think anything of it unless you indicate he should.

I do honestly think (speaking as someone who has to remember this a lot herself) that it's essential to remember our kids are not us. They don't have our hangups and won't lead our lives. But we can inflict our own on them if we aren't careful to try to not to, and that really does have psychological ramifications. Example: I was always clingy and hated school, and I was bullied rather badly. My primary school experiences were pretty grisly. But they were mine, and they were 30 years ago, and DS is a sociable, confident, gregarious, popular and extrovert child. Our kids aren't us.

You say, "he's only 2" and I agree - and that's the point really, isn't it? He can be in the play next year. Right now, he's so little, and he'd probably be happier sitting on your lap and singing along happily. Mine would have been. It's not social exclusion when he's one of the tiniest in the group. It's just recognition that he's not ready yet.

Perfect I SO relate to your experience of being bullied/excluded and the surprise when it doesn't happen to your own child. I was SO desperate about DD1 attending the local school that I almost bankrupt us for two years to send her private!

I look back now and roll my eyes...she was fine at the private and is fine at state...she's not me.

.she's not me

If only parents realised this and stopped projecting their own experiences onto their children.
There is no way I would do a play with anyone under 3 years, they are babies. Why would they want to be in a play? (mother obviously wants a photo and to think 'how cute,' but I can't see that is any excuse)

I think it must be incredibly difficult to do a play with 3 year olds let alone 2 year olds, tbh. The Reception children at our school look overwhelmed enough!

OP your lo has plenty of years of Christmas productions ahead. If you otherwise like the nursery I really wouldn't make a complaint. I really don't think your child is going to suffer any long term effects from this.

OP: In fact I am not a man. I am a woman who appreciates correct spelling possibly a bit of a pedant but hey, we all have our cross to bear
Anyway, it is clear from your posts that as well as the histrionics you are also shamelessly sexist. Good for you.

Don't overreact. It's Nursery. He is 2. He won't remember what happened by the next day, or possibly even the next hour.

If you are that worried about it take him out for the day, but seriously don't project your own feelings onto your son.

I have to say, I think it's extremely petty to correct the odd grammatical error in that way. What relevance does it have, and what on earth does it achieve?

OP I really do think you may want to consider some counselling if your DS' school experiences are raising some bad memories. I mean this sincerely. Otherwise you risk creating the very issues you're scared may arise, because he'll pick up on yours.

What an over-reaction. There are plenty more useful ways to learn to join in with others than by standing on a stage and not singing. The whole Christmas performance thing is far too much for a lot of 3 and 4 year olds, let alone a child not yet 3.

And yes, I'm a Nursery teacher.

Op you talk on your prev thread of 'Social exclusion'. Your dc is very young....I fear you are making this a huge deal....

Welcome to MN, Scooby. I suspect you'll bring buckets of entertainment enlightenment.

Fascinated as to why donnie must be a man though... Maybe the OP is having a hard time grasping how a woman could ever be so fucking patronising to another woman as to say 'calm down dear'? Isn't ir only the like of David Cameron and the man in the crap car insurance ads who use that twattish phrase?

op. You say that you were excluded and scarred. At what age did this happen?
As others have said, it really wont make any difference at 2,or 3 either.

How on earth can a thread about a mum feeling upset about her son being excluded from an event attract such nastiness is beyond me, but yet I see it in plain black and white
. I have read some horrible comments on here quite obviously made by parents whose children must be picked for everything and have never faced exclusion in school. I ask you How would you feel if it were your child? Probably the same as O.P is feeling.
It's a nativity play for Goodness sake what do the school think people are expecting, an Oscar worthy performance.
For the record O.P. "No you're not being unreasonable. You're just being a mum. xxx

I remember I was very upset and angry when DS was excluded from his Nursery school play.
He wasn't remotely bothered and over 10 years later me has yet to display any psychological ramifications, I'm slowly getting over it and have almost forgiven them.

He isn't at school - he is 2yrs old!

life, I think the OP's over-emotive language in her post did nothing to help her cause; "psychological ramifications" and "absolutely disgraceful" are terms far better employed somewhere other than a 2 year old missing out - along with several of his contemporaries - from his nursery's nativity production. It would appear that she is projecting her own childhood anxieties on to her son. Or, to put it another way, making a mountain out of a molehill.

She sensibly realised this and started a new thread missing it all out, and the fact that at least 5 were missing it and it got an entirely different response! Apparently all 2 yr olds love being in plays and love having hours of rehearsal and much prefer it to free play!

Amazing

I think I am going to be suffering psycholgical ramifications from organising our bloody nativity.
Have you any idea of the work that actualy goes into it?

But hopefully everyone is included, insancerre?