2yr old excluded from nativity play

[scoobysnac]

My ds1 will be 3 in January. He's currently at a nursery which he started in September. I have just been informed by his head teacher that he is not allowed to take part in the nativity play as he has a short concentration span!! She did however say he could come and watch. Apparently there are about 5 children who won't be in it as they are 'not ready'.

I think this is absolutely disgraceful and had I known this I would not have sent him there. I just think it's so cruel to exclude children at such a young age and not think that there will be any psychological ramifications. Maybe I am reading too much into it but surely the whole fun of a nativity is the young children staring around and waving at their parent and not singing when they are supposed to. He's only 2 for goodness sake.

I am thinking if making a compliant be would greatly appreciate others views.

Slightlycrumpled, that's horrible

I think you're just not terribly good at listening OP. You clearly didn't listen to the HT, and her quite reasonable explanation as to the exclusion, and you're not listening to the general consensus on here - that you are overreacting.

Don't go in all guns blazing. Just suggest he and the other 5 could be made to feel included by sitting in as animals in the stable, angelic onlookers or something.

It was horrible, he's 10 now so I'm over it - kind of .
The SENCo that we used to see at home put in a proper complaint on our behalf as we just weren't up to dealing with it at that time.
He also never stepped foot in there again.

OP, I don't think you are being ridiculous and I can understand that you are feeling hurt. My DS2 (since diagnosed with ASD) was excluded from both pre-school nativity and pre-school sports day. In both cases it was for the benefit of the nursery, not.him.

If it makes you feel any better, he is unlikely to care he is not involved. I would not make him watch.everyone else (boring and you will get the tiltedhead of faux concern and nosiness and.surely hard to concentrate through), instead go and do something fun.

Actually I think if all if the other children are taking part & it's only 5 children that aren't that it isn't really on. If the others are all older then it's understandable, if not then I kind of agree with you OP.
There would be a way to include them in some small way I'm sure.

Slightly crumpled that's awful.

Maybe OP's DS doesn't want to do it?

DD's nursery did a nativity when she was about the same age. I spent bloody ages coaxing her into some semblance of the required costume and the minute she realised that people would actually be watching she burst into tears, hurled herself into my lap and refused to participate at all.

At 6, she happily played a guitar solo in front of ~100 people, so I don't think she was too deeply scarred .

I can't see the point of "excluding" him really as he would probably opt out and wander off by himself anyway, but at the same time I think you are massively overestimating the long (or even short) term impact on him - I doubt he will really notice or care or remember.

I do think that all children should be included.

However, I don't think that a child left out at nearly 3 will be 'psychologically scarred'. And you are coming over a little bit OTT!

I have put on and been involved in masses of nativities for this age and above. I do find it somewhat strange that your little one can't be involved.

I would have thought the school would provide support for the very little ones with extra TA's sitting with them and take them out if it was too much? (That is what has happened at all the schools I have taught in over the years.)

This is a windup, surely?!
What 'psychological scarring' could result from sitting and watching his friends put on a show?

You have a fair few years of nativity watching ahead of you!

I find it hard to understand the degree of upset, coming from a family that shuns performance. DS spent his first nativity play lolling in the lap of his favourite nursery teacher like a little emperor, having decided actual participation was beneath him.

Social exclusion can be psychologically scarring to young children. If I'm overacting as much as you all say then I'm a prime example of someone who was excluded and is scarred.

Not being part of one nativity, is not 'social exclusion' to the extent that it is going to leave life long mental scars, not at such a young age!

I think you're getting a hard time on this thread, OP. Primary school nativity plays are for everyone IMO (unless the child does not want to take part). I would be upset too.

OP, if it's symptomatic of more general exclusion then you may well have a point. If it's just a (slightly clumsy) way of saying that they think that he wouldn't enjoy the whole experience and/or that it would actually upset him, then you are massively overreacting. Only you are in a position to know which is the case.

IMO your projecting your scars and exclusions onto him, how will he know about being psychologically scarred unless you reinforce it

I went to DD's nursery nativity & songs last Christmas. She was 2.3 at the time. Her room "sang songs". What that meant in practice was that the staff sat on stage with blank looking children, quite a few of who were distressed and the staff sang the songs. DD knew the words, but got upset that she wasn't with me. I ended up holding on my lap on her on the stage. If there is any psychological trauma associated with this, it is from taking part rather than not taking part.

Also I am not sure why you think Donnie must be a man to have commented on a typo. Are you always that seist?

Sexist!

Psycholgical ramifications ????
He won't have a bloody clue he's been excluded

I do think it's a shame they couldn't find something for 5 children to do (a quick run across the stage at some point dressed as a star, or something), but your DC will love it if you build it up as a special treat to be allowed to watch (which the other children are excluded from).

at DD's nursery the younger children (aged 2-3 1/2ish) don't do the Nativity, it's for the class with the older children (year before starting reception) that do this - I can't imagine many 2-year-olds being 'ready' to perform in a play, to be honest! DD keeps telling me she doesn't have a part (which she doesn't seem fussed about), or that variously she's an angel, a fairy or a princess; she's enjoying the singing anyway.