Does anyone know how nursery teachers choose who gets parts in nativity play.

[EvaLongoria]

I am only asking as the way out nursery works it seemed like it depends on who is on the Friends Committee (which I've also joined to meet other mums).

DD1 is 4 years old. She started when she was 2.5 and is now one of the big girls and a very confident child. Yet every time a selected few kids get the option to go into town and go to either the local Pet Shop, Firestation, hospital, etc. DD is never the one selected to go. The only time she was selected was last week when I was running late. Came in with her and mentioned that DD's beat friend is dressed up really lovely on her say to school which is next to nursery. They then said "oh they are having a little assembly and the some kids are going next door to watch them" I then just said Oh. Was about to kiss dd bye when they turned and said to her "do you want to come with and watch R and M perform in their play to which she said yes. All I thought after was would they yet again left her out again.

End of last week the Nativity Letter came and she is a star, last year a snowman. Snowman and stars and Trees are for the rest of the kids who doesn't have an individual role and they are grouped together as per their nursery group. Last year her Giraffe group were snowman and this year they are stars. I don't see anything wrong but would just like to know how they decide who gets what role. DD's best friends brother is not yet 3 and started nursery after half term. He goes from 9-11 one day a week only and he got to be the Angel Gabrielle. DD's other friend is Mary on the one day and then Angel on the next day (2 plays). So how can one child get 2 roles and the others none.

Even though I am someone that speaks my mind I would never asks and just personally feel they favour some kids. Just because I am now a single mum doesn't mean my kid need to be treated differently. I am probably the only single parent as my husband left over the summer holidays leaving me with her and our then 3 month old dd

Tell me if I'm being silly. I know they will get their chance in big school and I am normally not very fussed but it's only cos she mentioned it yesterday.

I think you're being a bit silly and lost my sympathy for implying it's because you're a single parent. You really think that??!

There arent enough main parts in a nativity so most children have to be stars, trees etc. I doubt anyone is actively discriminating against your dc. Also they may have done like our nursery and in practice sessions judged who is less shy and more able to be a main role in front of parents - they won't just give it to the kids who've been there longest. If that were the case, my DS would be Joseph but he is one of many elves and quite frankly I will enjoy it and cry and be ultra proud whatever he does. You should knock that chip off your shoulder and focus on something more important like encouraging your dd to be the best star she can be.

I am sorry if that is how it sounded. It's just things have been tough lately and I just felt lately that the teachers are less friendly and not knowing if I did something wrong the only change recently has been that my husband and I split.

I would never make my daughter feel anything is different as its not how I was raised. When she said to me about wanting to be Mary because she would like to hold the baby I immediately said we could pretend that her baby sister is baby Jesus. And we ended up doing our own version. I am also someone who would buy dressing up outfits as wouldn't want to make something that might not look nice but am actually currently trying to make her costume myself as I figured not even I could mess that up.

I'm sorry didn't want to use the "single mum" thing as an excuse as their are thousands worse off then me but maybe I just kind off lost my own confidence along the way.

not enough 'leading roles' to go around so sorry to sound harsh but its tough.you should be proud of her whether shes a star,a snowman,mary,an angel etc.im a very proud mother of last years donkey!
if you seriously think youre being treated differently since becomming a single parent-you need to say.but dont mention the navity!

Thanks

Maybe I'm just over sensitive. Exhaustion and everything. Going home for a month in Feb and that should recharge my batteries and I'll be able to look at things with an open mind again

our preschool has eldest boy & girl as Joseph & Mary and then going through main parts by age. Everyone else is either a star or an animal...

Oh and of course I'm proud of her. I tell her that everyday whether that is for playing nicely with her sister, staying in her bed till 7am or just for being sweet. And I know she'll be my shining star.

Eva sorry you've had a tough time, and are suffering from the confidence knock arising. I know that when I'm feeling vulnerable that I can read things into things. Fortunately with age I've learnt to recognise this and tread with caution when making decisions or forming perceptions. I would doubt that there is anything intended regarding who gets what part etc. I found that over the course of primary it all evens out, yes some years a particular child may have got to do loads, the next year nothing. So know that she will get her "turn" at some point. In the meantime enjoy it all (it passes so quickly), one of my favourite infant memories is when DD1 was a leaf and her BF some water - hardly staring roles but it was good fun. I would also caution to keep your own counsel on this, and do not discuss with school staff or other mothers.

Yourefired. Thanks for your message. Yes I think it's a little over thinking and more probably feeling over sorry for myself. They are only 4 years old some only 3 and some not even 3 yet and therefore the cutest little play I'll ever have the honour of watching. Also the fact that here I'm the only one who gets excited for her and some friends as her family couldn't give a damn. And no that is why I mentioned it on here so that I don't have the need to discuss with other mums or teachers. Thanks for being a soundboard

I don't really understand the bit about trips into town - so only some children get taken on outings? That sounds really odd.

Nursery nativity play - main parts go to children who are confident, reliable and unlikely to cry, wet themselves or do a runner when they see mummy.

DS did 2 preschool nativity plays... year one he was only attending one session a week, so he only did one practise and was a Shepard among many shepherds . Year 2 he was attending 3 sessions a week and thus did more practises,he was also teh oldest child in teh setting. I thought he would be a shoe in for Joseph, but nope, he was " brown bear" because brown bear and white rabbit had some actions to do on their own so were cast to 2 of the oldest and most confident in front of an audience children.

With kids doing different sessions its not unusual for more than one child to play a role if the play is happening on more than one day. Some kids will attend more sessions with practises than others, some WANT to be an angel or a shepherd or a star because they like the props. Some will be given a role where they just have to stand still if they can't remember/ join in with a group song .

on the outing thing. DSs preschool took the oldest group - those who were in their last term- over to school for things on occasion. But it did depend a bit on numbers. only so many could go with one staff member staying and an additional staff member was needed for the walk to and from.

I know the answer !!!

Generally its on the confidence of the child their ability to stand up alone with confidence and perhaps even speak a word ......nursery children are dreadful at this as you can expect which is why its a v difficult job to organise,its not about their part in the play its about the experience/the mood/the spirit.

please dont get upset about it -only 1 child can be Mary only 1 Joseph etc etc,there are many more years for her to be Mary....(i was always the soddin' narrator as I have dark hair and all the angels were blondies)- its probably nothing at all to do with the PTA its certainly not been the case for my dc and ive always been on the pta/friends/any other group.

In our pre school the main parts go to those children in their last year before going to school and they are decided by how many days a child goes. Therefore a child who attends 4 or 5 sessions over three or more days will get a main part (King, Mary etc) a child who does 4 sessions over two days will be an angel. All the smaller children are angels or shepherds..... My DD is an angel like last year...

I think a lot of it depends on which children can sit still.

Also which children have the confidence to speak in front of an audience. This is not always the children who appear confident generally. I have known confident children articulately explain they would rather not have a speaking part, and would prefer to be a silent snowflake.

I understand where the op is coming from. When my dd was small we used to go to a music group and every week they were all asked who would like to conduc the group at the end of the session and every week they alll put up their hand but she was never picked although some of the others were picked regularly. Eventually she stopped putting up her hand. How I wish I had said something to the music teacher because around about this time she changed from an assertive child to one who never put herself forward for anything. I didn't want to seem to be a pushy mum but now I sometimes think I may have failed my child by not being one.

RitaMorgan That is what I found really odd as well. Especially when they always take photos of what the kids have done and there would always be some new thing and if it was done away from nursery (town is not that far, bit far for the little ones to walk but there is a bus stop right outside) then my DD's pic is never up. If it is things where someone came to the nursery (like nurses, policemen, etc.) then her pic will be up there.

UniS She has always done 4 days at nursery as her dad has one day off a week but because I am home most days with the baby I send her 3 days instead. 2 was full days and 2 half days.
Re: Number of staff. They always tend to have about 2 members of staff and the proper ratio for the 2. Sometimes I even sat on the same bus with them. Like I said if it was a few times but it happened at least more than a handful of definite occasions I know off. At first I thought it was just the group who were starting school in the fall but it wasnt. I know the year is still long but even the new outings she again werent included other than the one occasion i mentioned in my OP.

There was a recent parents evening and even though I always talk to the teachers about my DD (especially lately due to our change of circumstances) I arranged to see the keyworker that night so that her dad can be present as well. I asked all the questions i.e. has her behaviour changed recently, what type of child is she away from us?
I was assured that she is one of their best behaved kids ever. They never have to talk to her twice. If in groups and questions get asked she would always put her hand up. She is a very confident child. Speaks clearly. Has made lots of friends (again this year after most of her friends of last year started school in Sept). Most parents know her. She has been invited to quite a few parties. I know it sounds biased. At home there are times that she tests me like any kid would do but she would never ever do it if we are out and about or if people are around at ours.

jolly She is probably more confident at nursery then she is at home. I initially wanted to move (think I posted about it months ago) but knowing her support network and friends she had at nursery I decided to stay put. She has been there since 2.5 was the youngest at the time and she just blossomed over the last 2 years. Oh and I am not upset I just really wanted to know without wanting to ask nursery teachers myself and cause unnecessary trouble (cant find a better word right now)

Crystalglasses
This is something that would really break me as a mother if I fail her in that way and therefore generally asked a question. I read mumsnet alot. Dont always post as I always get shot down because I tend to post before I think which happens in real life and it is all meant innocently but always comes out the wrong way. And its not nice to see a child change like that. I was a very assertive person but slowly changed over the last few years (my ex now claiming that he changed me into someone he no longer loves as he loved the fun, flirty, assertive me, and now I am the total opposite)

It's cos they only pick the attractive kids and yours is a minger

.

OP - I don't think YABU about the trips to town, and I think you should mention it to the nursery. There is nothing wrong with "pushing" to ensure that your child gets a fair go at things that some other children seem to be getting as standard. You just have to say "I was wondering why DD never gets picked to go on the firestation / pet shop / town trips? Can you ensure you include her next time please as she would love to go." Then you can ask outright why she isn't involved if the next time comes round and she still isn't taken.

FWIW My ds goes to a sports class and every week they give out a trophy. I noticed ds never got it - type of child that is always listening and trying hard, but isn't stand-out talent, nor is he "naughty" & therefore praised for when he is not being naughty. I said to him in front of the teacher before class "ds, if you try very hard to do your best & do good listening then I'm sure you might get the trophy soon." Lo and behold he came away that week with it, chuffed to bits and totally incentivised to try hard and practice. If he hadn't got it that week I would asked the teacher outright. People might think that I was being precious but there's only 4 or 5 in a class and some kids had got it at least twice before he got it once. They do care at this age, when they notice!

At our primary school they had a 'golden child' from each class every friday the children chose a funky pencil out of the bag and got a certificate .....ds1 and 2 were rarely chosen ......so I happened to buy a lot of shiny pencils and donated them to school - my boys were always in the golden book after that .

Are you kidding me jollyoldstick

You had my sympathy until you started whining about being a single mum. Maybe they don't put themselves in the position where thy have to deal with you because of the massive chip on your shoulder. Grow up.

Wtf Lisaro??? OP hs already explained why she's sensitive...who are you to be so mean and say she has a chip on her shoulder?

A 'single mum' (hate that term) who doesn't use it as an excuse every time something I don't like happens, WhoopsyLA.

I reckon you're overthinking it tbh. And don't get too hung up on the idea that 'she'll get her chance at big school' as unfortunately it doesn't always work like that.

My DD is 7 (yr 2) and has so far been an angel and a sheep. This year she was one of about half a dozen girls who put their names forward for Mary. She's very confident and capable and if I'm honest a bit of a teachers pet in the nicest possible way. She came home in tears last Friday having been given the part of Narrator No8 .

However, having now heard what she has to say and given that she has the longest speaking bit and already knows it by heart - it's pretty obvious why they didn't pick her for Mary!

Yes in primary school the clever kids (ie confident readers) are always asked to be narrators.

The less clever but confident good looking kids are mary, joseph and other main roles.

Surplus boys are shepherds, surplus girls are angels.

At least that's how it worked in my day and we ALL knew the score even as kids (bitter narrator here ).

In nursery they just seem to pick the oldest kids who attend the most sessions.