Niece born at 31 weeks weighing just 657 grams

[bughug]

My teeny tiny niece has been born at 31 weeks weighing just 657 grams (1lb 4oz). She is in the NICU and is stable. Does anyone have any advice for how I can support my brother and sister in law? Thank you x

Oh gosh, my best friend was born at 23 and 6 gestation and it still upsets her mum that she didn’t have first outfit. Could you track down some clothes that easy to put on for the nurses. Do they have other children?

Say congratulations and encourage other people to; when you have an early baby people sometimes express sympathy when a congratulations is much more important.
Practical support like providing meals or doing shopping is massively appreciated; we didn’t have time to go shopping or cook with how much we were at hospital so existed on takeaways which wasn’t healthy and we couldn’t really afford.
Same with clothes; try to find premature baby clothes as we didn’t have time to search the shops looking for some and it was really important for us to have them when she was allowed to wear clothes.

Do they have older children? Do they need some help with childcare while they spend time visiting? Are you close enough to offer support with general cleaning, cooking, running errands for them?

Maybe just ask them? I'm sure they aren't thinking about cooking and cleaning right now, but if they weren't expecting baby to come early, they may want some essentials bringing to the hospital.

On a practical note, maybe a small bag of nice food/snacks. Hospital food sometimes isn't the best.

I second what @loveulotslikejellytots has suggested when our LO was premature it was he practical thing we massively appreciated. My sister in law set up the crib for us and steriliser etc brother chivved the builders along and took charge of deliveries (we had ordered baby stuff to be delivered) etc

There may well be practical things you can do to support them:
Enable them to spend as much time as possible by organising a meals rota and babysitting rota if there are older children.

Get them to make a list of jobs around the house that they had wanted to get done before the baby arrived and arrange for them to be sorted.

Offer lifts to and from the hospital.

If they are spending all day at the hospital think about making them some fresh, healthy packed lunch food... eating nothing but hospital food can drag you down as it often awful.

Buy them some really lovely hand cream, nicu requires constant hand washing/sanitising and you can easily end up with very sore hands.

Don't hint at or ask for visits to see your little niece, a lot of people don't want visitors for their very tiny baby and they'll ask you when they're ready.

Ds was born at a very similar stage and the best things people did for me were sorting out the practicalities, leaving me free to focus on the baby.... the absolute worst was a mum and daughter who turned up at the hospital at visiting time more or less insisting on visiting the baby.

Anyway sending for your niece and her family, hope she grows and gets stronger quickly.

hand creamthey will be washing their hands a zillion times a day. Also, my nephew was born that early, and he went home around the time of his due dateso far all well. Good luck with your niece OP, I'll keep you in my thoughts for a good outcome.

The first outfit idea is lovely, it sounds really unimportant but it is so hard to get something pretty for tiny babies my aunt had hers at 27 and said the same.
Offer not to visit baby but to pop up and take dB/Sil a coffee (costa or Starbucks or something tastier than hospital shop)in and join them for 10mins with coffee and cake my aunt (who had had her preemie did that when I had preemie dd1) just to give me a quick break from the unit but not force me to leave for long. We had it in the comfy leather chairs in the downstairs foyer and she left immediately after.

Thank you. Some really great advice. I think we're all in a bit of shock really. I've ordered some prem nappies and baby clothes this morning. I'm going over to the hospital this afternoon as my brother has asked me to take him to his car as he left it at the local hospital before they were transferred to the big hospital, so will make a hamper of food and drinks to take. Hand cream is a really good shout, I'll get some really nice stuff for SIL.
She's their first so no childcare issues but I will offer to go to their house and get shopping in etc.
She's so tiny! She was breathing by herself and even tried to cry when born! She is ventilated now but with the lowest amount of oxygen flow just for support. She's a trooper! Thank you all, I've taken everything you've said on board x

My friend had her twins at 30 weeks in August.

Hand cream was greatly appreciated, as was lip balm due to the air con in hospital.

I also got lots of cereal bars and flap jacks as she was snacking and not going for proper meals. Cordial for the water, small bottle, and wipes for her as she often felt sticky by the end of the day. I think I got like Nivea or something like that.

@bughug it's amazing what they can do now, maybe have a look at some other prem threads (if you haven't already) as there are tons of stories of babies being born in similar circumstances and doing really well. I know I was desperate to hear stories like this when my ds was first born.

DDs both arrived on time but I really appreciated a couple of friends who came with nice ready meals/food. When I was knackered it meant I didn't have to cook and I've done it for other friends since.
Also, what about little blankets, I read somewhere recently that some hospitals give mothers two, one for baby and one for Mum. Mum takes it to bed with her so that it gets her smell. Then the next day she swaps it - 'smelly' blanket stays with baby, Mum takes the spare to bed. Apparently it helps calm baby as they can smell their Mum even when she's not there.
Bliss might have done good ideas where to get these & tiny clothes www.bliss.org.uk/support-bliss/volunteer/knit-for-premature-babies

Echoing the above - track down some preemie clothes. My niece was premature and my sister was upset that even the smallest standard sizes available in places like boots were way too big for her. getting the right sizes takes time and energy that the parents don't have. Do look out for the body suits with side poppers that are easier to manage with NICU sensor wires and tubes.

Also a pair of these cuddlies - mum keeps one in her bra (it's soft and squashy enough to not look or feel weird) and the other goes in with baby, swap them over every 4-6 hours. Same as the blanket idea above but with a smiley face.

Take a new baby card with you today. Friends of mine who had premature babies were a bit sad that they didn't have as many congratulations cards and the same 'happy' fuss as most newborns.

I had a 29 week we weighing 730g. The unit he was in did not allow dressing babies until they weighed 4lb - so I'd find out the policy first before buying stuff. Also nappies were provided by the unit, as they were not stocked in shops.

As others have said, hand cream & snacks are good ideas.

I got some beautiful fleece blankets for cuddles when DS was able to come out the incubator. And I was allowed to put a tiny teddy inside as a mascot (again check the policy first).

I was really upset when people bought normal sized baby clothes; it reminded me of how small DS was.

Oh, and if there's any shops in the hospital eg M&S food or WH Smith - these would be great for getting water, snacks, ready meals etc.

Yeah I'd echo the pp buying cards etc I found with ours everyone was too worried to give them cards etc and I felt we missed out on the happiness of their birth. Clothes for a baby that small maybe not needed for a while. Think it was 3lb at our unit. I would have loved posh hand cream etc as the hand washing routine on scbu wrecked my skin and also someone brought us a big bag of posh m&m ready meals and some cafe vouchers for the hospital that was very welcome. For baby maybe a small teddy for incubator or a fleece blanket for cuddles time or someone brought us a book to read to them in the incubator which I thought was nice x

One of mine was born at 31 weeks. Advice re hand cream and lip balm is great. We used loads of it.
I was also given a pad and pen seems simple but I appreciated somewhere to write things down. So many small milestones in the Nicu and I love that I have her journey recorded.
I felt I had to put on a brave face in the Nicu and act like a happy new mum when in fact I was angry and upset. Having people listen and let me express that was important.
I hope she has a smooth, short stay.

Congratulations on your new niece OP. I agree New baby card. We got absolutely loads for our DS born and term and then 1 for our little miracle at 29 weeks (she was very poorly), and 1 present at the start, I felt like people were just waiting for her to die which I resented a little as I was fighting so hard to be positive for her and didn't feel others did the same. Completely irrational I no but the hormones were intense. Also if your close enough try and offer support long term, we were very lucky to get DD home smoothly and she's done amazingly, but I've really suffered mentally since with post natal depression but because she was a miracle all anyone ever says is 'but you must be so happy' and 'she's doing so well'. Not many people realise how common post natal depression and ptsd can be after a premature baby. Sorry that's a super negative note, our DD is perfect, just wanted to put it out there as you sound like such a caring sister/SIL. Hope everything goes smoothly with the baby

Also the smallest baby on our unit was 545g when we were there and he went home around his due date too.

You can get premmie baby milestone cards which are lovely; things like my first bath, out into cot, took my first bottle etc. Most parents really appreciate stuff that shows that you're celebrating their child's future, as often people are scared to talk with positivity about the future.

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/531381935/nicu-milestone-cards-printable-preemie?ref=shophomeeactive21

Congratulations to you and your DB, SIL and family, OP! Lots of love to the LO.

I was born weighing 1,3608 grams; I feel a bizarre but very warm sensation of kinship with other premature babies.

I'll ask my parents if they can think of something that would have been supportive for them when I was born.

Can you knit? What about a couple of bonding squares?
Mum wears one for a day, which is then put in with baby while mum wears the second and they are swapped daily - newborn has the scent of mum nearby at all times.

Thank you all. Brilliant advice that I'd never have thought of!
We went over today with cards, balloons and presents. Also a food parcel and a little present for my SIL. It looks like they will be able to stay in the charity house which is opposite the hospital for a few weeks at least when my SIL is discharged so that's good. The hospital have also issued them with a parking permit for a month. They didn't want anything else at the moment - the NICU don't allow clothes or teddies etc for baby, they just needed nappies :)
My brother took me up to see her and oh my, she is so little! We aren't allowed to touch her at the moment but I took some photos and a video. She's doing really well, she has a little bit of jaundice so was under the UV lamp. She also had to have a picc line inserted this morning but that all went swimmingly! She's perfect just so very small! She's a scrapper too, I can tell! Docs told my brother that there are no concerns as far as they can tell at the moment - she just needs to grow and put on weight.
Hopefully, this picture uploads :)
Thank you all again for the suggestions and advice x

• [Pic now removed at OP's request]

What a wee darling... but are the parents okay with you posting a picture of their child on an Internet forum? I'm sure you wouldn't want to add to their stress...

Hi OP, you might want to get the picture taken down. A lot of parents I know would have been unhappy with that. But congrats on your niece.

I'm sorry about the picture. I got a bit ahead of myself as I'm really really over the moon and you were all so lovely I thought you'd might like to see how small but tough she is. MNHQ have deleted now. Thanks again for all your experiences and advice. I have directed my SIL to this board for support x