Waiting for my pills to arrive 😭

[TooOldToBePregnant]

Hi, I’m in total shock to find myself in this forum! On Sunday I took a pregnancy test after my period failed to arrive and to my surprise it was positive 😭. I’m currently 5 weeks and 5 days based on when my last period started but I know exactly when I must have conceived which was just over 3 weeks ago.

After much googling and Mumsnetting, I was surprised to find out I could have a medical abortion through the post. I completed a form with MSI on Sunday night when I couldn’t sleep and then I read that they don’t cover every areas so I panicked and rang BPAS. The lady on the phone was lovely and took all my details and arrange a phone call for this morning. The MSI lady rang yesterday and sounded very bored and robotic. Anyway, I had a phone call with the nurse today who said I am suitable for the pills through the post and I am hoping to be able to take the first one on Monday morning and the 4 pills on Tuesday morning.

I know this is 100% the right decision, I’m 37 and DH is 45. We’re in horrible financial difficulties and we’ve had a really difficult few years but the end is in sight. This is just the icing on the cake! There’s no way we could go back to paying nursery fees. DS also starts his GCSE year next year and he’s more important.

the trouble is, in the meantime I can’t cope with feeling pregnant. My boobs are like cannonballs and I have sensory issues (I’m awaiting an ASD assessment) with my nipples (honestly I can barely type that word) and they are sticking out constantly. I also have a history of eating disorders and I feel like it’s always obvious I’m pregnant as I’m so bloated, even though it probably isn’t to anyone else. I’m having to eat dry, salty food to help stop me feeling sick which is a huge change to my usual very strict diet and I feel like I’m getting fatter and fatter. I also feel like I’m already losing the strength and flexibility to do the sport that brought me out of my most recent relapse in January.

I’m sorry if that sound vain and selfish, but I can’t cope with feeling this way even though I know it’ll be over soon. I feel like everyone can tell already.

Does anyone have any tips for how to cope with the wait. Or any tips for the day itself?

Thanks for reading my brain dump!

How long are you going to wait before inserting the 4 pills? I did mine 24 hours after the first pill. I also, like you, felt a little sick a good few hours after taking the first pill.

Everyone is different in terms of what will happen. I got no bleeding at all until I inserted the second two (3 hours after the first 4), and then I had passed the pregnancy within 3 hours of taking them. If you insert this evening you might find it a very broken night of sleep. Having said that, you may well breeze through with very little pain etc. A few more days and hopefully you will feel much more like yourself again. Good luck.x

I’m doing it at 10pm ish once DS and the dog are in bed so they aren’t aware, well DS more than the dog! I know I’m probably not going to get much, if any, sleep but I don’t want to wait til tomorrow morning to do it once DS has gone to school. I’m going to be off work tomorrow so hopefully I can sleep if necessary 😩.

Also, sorry for TMI but a load of clear liquid just came out of me is that my waters? Do you even have waters at 6 weeks??

That is most likely just things getting started. Some people do actually bleed and start ‘passing’ things after the first pill. It will be fine. Insert the pills at 10pm and then get into bed and chill with a hot water bottle and go with it.

@MyUmberSeal that’s my plan! I have drinks, snacks and a re-read of the first Game of Thrones book (not all of it, it won’t take that long I hope!) to distract me as much as possible and by morning it’ll all be over 😮‍💨.

Hi@TooOldToBePregnant I took pills and after 5 hours nothing. It was a bank holiday weekend so they gave me a second dose incase so after 5 hours took another dose. Took 10 hours before passed anything. I lt wasn't until I rang the 24 hour clinic and they said walk around let gravity takes its course as I was in a bad way physically. So after 15 mins of walking up and down my room ot started to pass . Just wanted to let you know incase you run into anything similar if nothing passes do gentle waking. Mind yourself hun and if you need to message me feel free x

@Tinydancer222 thank you 🥰. The tablets are in! It feels so final… not in a bad way as such as it’s 100% the right decision without any question but I’ve thought of nothing else for the past week and a half!

I’m hoping it’ll happen reasonably quickly as I’m definitely getting signs my body is ready for it but who knows!

@TooOldToBePregnant it's a tough decision but it's made now. After this happens make sure you mind yourself hun. Your mental health your body mind everything. The hormones are raging and body is in shock from everything so for a few weeks be very kind and loving to yourself okay. And plenty of us on here to help you if you're not okay . Sending you big hugs and love and praying for it to pass fast and gentle . ♥️💫

@Tinydancer222 thanks so much 🥰. I’m already on a high dose of sertraline so my emotions are pretty numbed, in a way that’s a good thing for times like these! But yes, hormones do funny things to us women 😭.

@TooOldToBePregnant they sure do hun it's not easy to be a woman ♥️ Mind yourself okay and I hope you get some sleep . You need to message feel free x

@Tinydancer222 thank you 🥰

Good luck tonight @TooOldToBePregnant, hope everything goes smoothly x

Just an update and record for anyone who finds themself in the same position and wants to read about people’s experience (I think I’ve read every single one on here in preparation!). Sorry if it’s TMI!

After inserting the 4 pills at 9:30pm, I lay down in bed and light cramping started almost immediately. Exactly 2 hours later, the cramping intensified and I felt a strong urge to poo (sorry for TMI again but I might as well share everything at this point!). That’s when the bleeding started, lightly at first but with clots in straight away. It was a huge relief TBH!

I’m not going to lie, the cramping hurt a lot! More than a bad period but less than labour. Each time the cramping intensified I could tell it was time to go to the toilet and pass more blood, I hardly bled on the pad at all. I didn’t take the codeine as it makes me sick but if you can, do! I had paracetamol, ibuprofen and a hot water bottle. I did get uncomfortable sitting on the toilet and it helped to sit backwards on the toilet with my legs straddling the bowl so I could lean my head on my arms on the cistern. Make sure you have plenty of toilet roll, you will need it.

The worst part was there was not let up between cramps like with labour contractions, they came in constant waves until about 2am, so 2 1/2 hours after the bleeding started. At this point I’d had enough but I was violently sick 3 times (I hadn’t thought about a sick bowl, you definitely need one as you can’t get up off the toilet) so tbh I just grabbed a towel off the edge of the bath and was sick onto that 🙈. This must have been the pregnancy passing as the cramps started to ease off and I fell asleep by half 2ish. There was nothing to see, just blood.

I found that once it all got going, there wasn’t time to read or eat my snacks but I did need lots of water as my mouth was really dry.

At half 4 ish, the dog woke me up for his breakfast and when I sat up, I flooded everywhere as the blood must have been pooling while I lay flat. As I ran to the toilet, it was dripping on the floor and down my legs.

I was a bit scared to go back to sleep after that but I must have dosed off and woke up at 7am and similar happened but much less blood and I didn’t leak.

Now I’m just getting regular period like pains and bleeding. Oh! The worst part about this morning is DS used all the milk last night and I didn’t realise until the shop was shut at 8 (we live rurally!) so I can’t have a coffee 😭.

So that’s my story. It was more painful than expected but pretty quick and I’m so glad it’s over!

Thanks for all your support on this thread 🥰.

Glad it’s over now. Yes the contraction type pains, I also found very painful. They eased instantly after I had passed the main part of the pregnancy . I’m 4 weeks in and my period has come now. Oddly, I feel relieved about that. Another sign my body is back to normal. Take it easy today and make sure you have a good stash of sanitary pads as the bleeding can be heavy for a good few days, especially in the mornings. X

@TooOldToBePregnant well done and I'm glad your okay . Sorry I never mentioned the sick bowl and dry mouth I forgot all about that. Mind yourself today and don't over do anything leave the house cleaning and anything like that alone just rest up xx

@Tinydancer222 no worries I had a pint glass to keep filling with water and the sick was mainly water too so was easily cleaned up!

@MyUmberSeal that must be a relief, although today I never want to experience a period again, I feel like I’ve had all of them in one night!

The period pains have pretty much gone now though so it’s just the bleeding left, which is manageable. Oh and I have milk for my coffee now!

Thank you for sharing your experience . I'm due to start the first tablet tonight and then the next lot on Saturday night. I hope you're feeling ok now

Good luck @ThatZippyJadeHedgehog ! I’m actually glad I did it over night in a weird way, it made it feel less real I think, like it was one bizarre night and then it was all over. I feel great now! It feels so good to just feel nothing. No heavy feeling in my abdomen, no sore boobs, no sickness, no extreme hunger, just nothing 😃. I’m still bleeding but just a normal first day of my period amount and no cramping at all 😮‍💨.

@ThatZippyJadeHedgehog is there a reason why you’re waiting 2 nights between tablets though? My body was definitely ready after 24 hours, I feel like 48 would be a very long wait!

That was a typo! I meant Saturday morning! I am a solo mum of three and work full time so trying to get my timing right. My partner is wonderfully supportive but he lives separately due to his son having a lot of needs. Having said that I might take the first pill in a bit and start it off tomorrow night instead. My big two are in their teens, so Im just worried about how they will see me cope so I was thinking Saturday morning so that my partner was around. I think I just want to get it done with.

I'm so glad you're feeling better. I can't thank you enough for sharing your experience it's so isolating isnt it.

@ThatZippyJadeHedgehog ahhh i thought 48 would be a looooong wait! Do your teens know? Mine doesn’t and I didn’t want him to see me go through that as he’s very kind and sensitive and would worry. I have a husband but I did it on my own last night as he was away with work. I wanted it that way as I didn’t want to wait but also I didn’t want him to see me like that either. Plus he’d be worse than useless so there would be no point 😂. My almost definite autism makes me a very private person and I’d rather go through things like this alone, but I’m sure most people would appreciate support.

Either way, it’ll be over for you too soon 🥰. I realised about tea time that I’d actually forgotten about it for a few hours, I feel that back to normal!

No, my teens dont know. I don't want their own dad knowing, he's not a nice guy. I'm hoping to just palm it off as feeling poorly. I'm the same I want nothing more than to hide somewhere and do it alone but time is ticking. My partner (not their dad) knows and is super supportive so he's going to be in the house and making sure my littlest is ok. She's 7 so not too young thankfully. My teens will most likely hide in their rooms like they usually do! I

I've just had a carby tea so about to take the mifepristone. I hope it's manageable and I can get on for the next 24 hours. I'm glad it's eased up for you. :) x

Ahh fair enough plus they don’t really need to know! You could definitely pass it off as “a bad stomach”. I think you’ll be OK tomorrow, do you have to work? Just keep eating whatever helps keep the sicky feeling at bay!

Yeah I've got work and actually I hope I can work. I find work helps me get my mind off things. I will definitely stock up on food and after reading your previous post, all the coffee and milk 🤣

@ThatZippyJadeHedgehog hope you’re feeling OK this morning! I also recommend Hula Hoops (my usual hang over food 😂).