Experience of Surgical Abortion at 8weeks

[GladWeNowHaveChoices]

Hi
I don't think I've ever added a thread, but I did search the archives when I was making my decision, so thought I'd add my experience to help anyone in the same situation.
I found out I was pregnant with baby no. 5 about 4 weeks ago. I tried to feel happy, and to imagine another new born but all I felt was dread. So found myself looking for my options, and 2 weeks ago, phoned BPAS.
I got a callback from my local trust the following day, and the girl was brilliant. She explained my options, but though my own reading up, I had decided a surgical was the better option for me than medical, as I couldn't face seeing what would actually come away. Once I had said this, she said she thought it was the right option for me at the stage I would be at at the time of the procedure.
2 days ago, I went for my first appointment. A lovely doctor did a scan (monitor turned away from me), talked me through what would happen, and stressed that once I took the tablet that she gave me, it really was a done deal as this tablet could cause fetal abnormalities if I then decided to continue with the pregnancy.
Once I'd taken the tablet, a fabulous nurse took my bloods and got me to do a vaginal swab... And I was free to go.
This morning, I had the first appointment at the hospital. My husband took me up, to where we were greeted by the same nurse that id seen before. She took us into a waiting room, where my blood pressure would be taken. Unfortunately my nausea got the better of me and I was sick, but again, the nurse was fantastic and so reassuring.
Blood pressure normal, the doctor came in and gave me anti sickness tablet, and before long I had the gown on and was led into the second room. I had assumed my husband would be in with me but he was left in the waiting room.
Onto the bed, legs in stirrups, and the doctor explained every stage of the process. I was offer d gas and air, and some other wee whistle-like pain relief that you inhaled, but neither was necessary. One nurse on one side of me did a scan the whole way through to guide the doctor, the other nurse held my hand on the other side.
There was a little discomfort as they administered the local anaesthetic, and then what I can only describe as bad period cramps as the vacumn did it's job.within 10 minutes it was done, I went back in to my husband and got dressed. I would advise a sanitary towel for immediately after. There hasn't been much bleeding yet but enough that you just want the confidence that you're protected.
We came home and I've rested up, and am keeping paracetamol levels up to keep the cramp-y pain at bay.
Overall, if you're at this stage of pregnancy and know that continuing with the pregnancy is not an option, I'd recommend it. One of the nurses came in afterwards with tea and toast, and said it's much more clean cut and less traumatic for the woman.
I'm just thankful for the service and that I could avail of it. We're in northern Ireland, so up to very recently this would not have been an option for me. It's not something I ever saw myself doing, but here we are. I will avail of the informing choices councilling services in the coming weeks, but at the minute, no regrets. I've done the right thing for my family and the children that I already have.

Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I'm currently waiting on my callback to go through the same procedure.

My nerves are wrecked and I hate the thought of it taking so long as the symptoms are already taking over my life :-(

Do you mind if I ask what trust you were with?

Hi 😊

I'm southern trust so went to CAH first, and the DHH.

Both clinics were lovely, I couldn't have faulted them at all.

Do make use of the counselling through Informing Choices afterwards though. I'm 6 weeks into 12 week course and it has really helped having someone validate my feeling.

When did you make the call? The got back to me the next working day so hopefully you won't be waiting too long.

Get in touch if you need a hand hold. It's tough, but there is light at the end of the tunnel, and I've realised it doesnt make me a bad person. Nor does it make you one.x

Thanks so much for coming back to me. I hope you didn't mind me commenting, it was the most relevant post I could find.

I filled in the online form yesterday and rang them today... patience is not one of my traits! I'm so symptomatic already and have just recently started a new job were I'm expected to be out and about at things and doing lots of driving which at the minute, I just can't do because I keep taking really bad dizzy spells. I fainted a lot when I was pregnant before and this was just another factor when it came to making my decision.

My other half is not at all supportive, so it's a very lonely journey. Thank you again and I'm so glad the counselling is helping you and you're getting that support xx

Not at all. It's a lonely journey, and especially here where it's such a taboo topic.
Have you someone to support you, especially if your partner isn't? You will need support, preferably from him, but if not, a close friend/sister/mum.

I told noone apart from my husband until 2 weeks ago when I unexpectedly blurted it out over coffee with a friend. Just telling her and her not hating me helped so much in me forgiving myself.

How far along are you? When she phoned, the advisor said that before 7/8 weeks they aren't keeping to go surgical, as it's more complicated. And I couldn't have done medical.

Keen to go surgical, not keeping 🙈

I have no one tbh, so you're right, it is very lonely and especially here yes, people can still be so judgemental. I honestly wouldn't even feel like I could tell people who are so-called friends.

I'm about 4 weeks at the moment and was worried they might try and push for medical, but there's absolutely no way I could do that. I had a missed miscarriage a few years ago and almost bled to death, so mentally, I just couldn't go through that stress.

I really hope they call tomorrow. I would like to get a bit of movement so it's not dragging on over the weekend. It seems like it's about 2 weeks for an appointment, is that right?

Which trust are you? And what area are you in, if you don't mind me asking?
I had the first call on the Monday, and for a medical, she could have given me an appt that week, but I said I'd rather hold off for surgical. So I waited til following week. There was 10 days between first call and it being done.

Id urge you to confide in somebody. It's not an easy thing to do, with support, never mind alone.

If you have noone, please keep coming back to me on this. And talk to your partner, it will be much easier if he's on board 😔

I'm Northern Trust - Carrickfergus, hopefully I get a call today. 10 days isn't too bad. Fingers crossed it's similar. God forgive me, but I just want it all to be over and done with now 😔

My partner is very religious, so he is staunchly against it. I think this probably will end things for us.

We haven't moved here very long, so I don't really know anyone well enough to tell it to and I have no family. I think once it's all done I will definitely avail of the counselling.

It's an awful position to be in, but I 1000% know this is the right decision. My mental and physical health and our finances and situation just could not cope with another pregnancy and child.

Thanks so much for staying in touch, I really appreciate it xx

Message any time. I have been an emotional mess at times over the last 4 months, and could not have done it on my own.
But the counselling has definitely helped. I also downloaded a book from Amazon, I can't remember the name, but something like "neutral healing after abortion" which I'm working through. It has also helped.

I do get the the religious end. I have been to church once since, and came out in tears. I'm not ready to be there yet. But this has to be be your decision
I hope he can get his head round it and come to support you 😞

Thanks so much for your support and understanding. I will keep you posted as soon as I get the call.

Take care of yourself and I know it's easier said than done, but be gentle with yourself too. Take care xx

Hi, sorry I'm only getting back to you now, this is so awful. So I got a call on Monday from a lovely nurse who was really compassionate and understanding. She informed me I would have to come up to Coleraine as that is where the Northern Trust clinic is based 🙈 not ideal, but I can get the bus/train.

She advised me that I was still very early on, but that she would call me back today with appointments days and times for next week.

She's just off the phone there to say it might not be next week now because they are so busy, it might get pushed back to the week after 🙈 😭 I honestly cannot cope. She said she will phone me again on Monday to let me know what is happening.

I appreciate that I am still early on, but the symptoms are now so bad and impacting on my day-to-day life.

She said if I could do the tablets instead, she could definitely get me in next week, but honestly the fear because of what happened to me with the missed miscarriage really terrifies me. Basically that time, I lost so much blood I collapsed in work and was rushed to hospital for a transfusion. It took me months to get back to full health again after that 😞 I'm petrified that something similar would happen with the tablets.

Sorry to offload, I'm just so upset. I had myself hyped up that it was happening next week and now to be told that might not be th case, it just feels like unnecessarily dragging the whole thing out.

I asked if I could use a different address and try to get seen by another Trust, but she said they are all crazy busy at the moment.

I just feel so deflated and like this nightmare is never going to end.

Can I ask how you got on in the end?

Bless you, it will end ❤️

But think positively, if you're only 4/5 weeks, max 2 weeks will have you approx 7 weeks and if what they told me is right, the chances of it going wrong will be lesser if you're that bit further on.

That will be a long bus or train trip to be making, especially if you're on your own. is your partner completely against helping you through?

Going to another trust, might not be any easier, remember you have to get yourself there and back... Unless it's Belfast, I'm not sure it would be any handier for you.

You're not offloading. You're going through a terrible time and if this is the only place you can speak freely, say as much or as little as you need to.

Thanks so much. I calmed down a bit this afternoon after thinking it all through and absolutely, you're right with the timings etc. I think because I've known so long, it just feels longer if that makes sense.

Oh he's completely against it. He's moved out for a couple of weeks because he can't stand being around a "murderer" (his words).

Apparently the other trusts are rammed too, especially Belfast, so that's probably not an option. I suppose it's just a matter of waiting it out now.

Thanks for listening and replying as always xx

I know what you mean, the waiting is horrible. As soon as I had a date I was on the count down. Tell yourself it's the Friday of the week she's talking about, and at least that way, any other day is a bonus.

No offence, but he sounds like an absolute dickhead. It's your body, and by sounds of it you're making a difficult decision with your family units financial and emotional well being at the heart of it. He should be supporting you in any way possible, not calling you a murderer. Hoping he sees sense and gives you the support you need.

When I went, the nurses did tell me that they're under severe pressure, there's so much demand for their services. Scary, because afterwards, you'll find that noone will admit to having gone through this.
The hundreds or thousands of women who do go through it will melt away into the background and never be known.

Sending hugs and virtual support x

You're absolutely spot on, I'm done with him and he's out completely.

It's crazy isn't it? I don't know a single person who would admit to having had one, but it must be so many each week if all the clinics are under pressure.

Hope you're doing well btw! Xx

I'm doing really well the last couple of weeks, it feels I've turned a corner. So be comforted that it will get easier eventually.

Telling a friend what actually happened really helped, realising that she didn't hate me, and was very supportive. Made me hate myself less.

Getting there ☺️

@Cannotcopewiththis hi, sorry to jump in on this conversation. I'm not form northern Ireland but England. I'm reaching out because I'm also pregnant and planning an abortion and my husband is against it. He said once, please don't kill my baby, he's not strongly religious but has said the act of abortion is evil and that I'm doing a bad thing. After He said he didn't really mean it....He also thinks it's acceptable in some situations but not ours. I don't think he'll leave me though. Also, where I am the closest clinic that does surgery is more than 100 miles away, and i didn't ask about waiting lists so I'm doing the medical practice at home. I probably shouldn't be on Mumsnet reading horror stories about it as the midwife said it's safe for being at home, there's a 24 hour helpline, but I should have someone home with me.

I haven't told anyone in real life but did call samatans that helped.

@Bramblecrumble22 I'm so sorry to hear you're in this position too. It sounds like your husband might come round and at least be a little more understanding for you.

I think the medical way is probably the best for getting it done and it means you aren't waiting around too long for an appointment. I had a really bad missed miscarriage a few years ago and that is the only thing that is putting me off, I just have a real phobia of blood now.

But from what I've read, it should be relatively straightforward and can be done pretty soon after that initial phone call.

My closest clinic is pretty far away too, so I would have to go by train or bus because one of my pregnancy symptoms is severe dizziness, so I can't really drive when that happens.

Well done for reaching out, there is usually some counselling offered, so definitely enquire about that.

I hope things get better and your husband can see things from your perspective too. It's a really hard decision to make and not one you will have taken lightly.

Here anytime if you want to chat, or even drop me a private message if that's easier.

Take care of yourself x

@Cannotcopewiththis how are you getting on this week, have you had a call back yet? I've been thinking about you.

@Bramblecrumble22 I'm sorry you're in this position. I'm shocked that both your partners are so unsupportive, this makes everything that bit more difficult to get through. You didn't say how far along you are. If you're very early, the BPAS lady told me a medical is usually recommended at home, I think in England they post the tablets to you.

Once you're on a bit further, a surgical is maybe easier? I don't think I could have handled seeing the results of a medical, and didn't want to go through it in the same place where my children are every day.

If at all possible, I really recommend talking to someone. You need support from someone. Feel free to come back on here. Noone should be alone going through this.

@GladWeNowHaveChoices thanks. I am 7 weeks today and I have the medication ready in the cupboard. I can use it up to 10 weeks. Often they post it, but I went to a closer by clinic (20 miles) for a dating ultrasound as I wasn't 100% on my period dates and im breastfeeding so periods had just come back. I have nupas counciling booked for Monday. I missed their call a couple of days ago. The midwife did say you don't see anything with an early medical, except blood and clots, and maybe a fluffy white sac.
@Cannotcopewiththis thank you as well for your support. I'm delaying it because if things in life this week I don't want to miss. I originally wanted to do it on Monday coming, I decided that at my initial consultation. But I may now delay until Friday after I've had the counciling, and Wednesday is an important day...I am lucky not to have much symptoms but the tiredness is increasing so I'm thinking I should go for Sunday/Monday as originally planned.... but Sunday is father's day and, that feels so wrong.

I just remembered I had read on the NHS and booklet about types of abortion after I got my test. I thought medical would be most suitable. Then I read your original post while I had filled out forms for different abortion companies. When I had my consultation they only talked about the one treatment, medical at home, going through the process and the risks. I asked about surgical and she said my closest clinic doesn't do it, there's one more than 100 miles away. I didn't ask, but I got the impression that there's a wait for that as she seemed reluctant to recommend it. That did put me off and I think medical at home is best for me. I've had two children and no issues with haemorrhage or anything, so an abortion is far lower risk than birth. Part of my really wants to do it asap. I really want to know if 4 days later will make much impact on pain and traumaticness, but I guess it's pretty subjective and no-one could say.

I would say I am glad when I went to my first clinic it was very hidden. It was inside a GP practice and you could find it search nupas and the area on Google, I had to use the GP surgery name. Inside I asked the receptionist and she directed me to the main waiting room. I spotted a store cupboard in the waiting room with a tiny label saying nupas on it and the midwife had small letters nupas on her uniform. There were leaflets about other services but nothing else about nupas. I think this means they have avoided any protesters. But it made it all feel a little bit illegal.

@GladWeNowHaveChoices @Bramblecrumble22

Hi girls,

Sorry I've been a bit missing this week. It's taken a strange turn. I got a phone call on Monday to say they wouldn't be able to take me this week, it would definitely be next week.

But on Tuesday night, I felt really unwell, sweats and really bad shivering. I began to bleed a little and then by Wednesday it was a full on miscarriage, cramps, labour like pains and passing lots of blood and clots.

The bleeding has tapered off today, but I feel absolutely wiped and so dizzy. I'm assuming this was a miscarriage.

The lady from the clinic rang me back today and I told her what happened, so she advised me that they would take me off the system now and to take another test at the end of next week, just to be sure.

I am shocked, but God forgive me, relieved.

It's just been the worst few weeks.

@Bramblecrumble22 I really hope you can get sorted with everything soon. I think sometimes the thought of something is worse than the actual thing itself. Take care and I hope all goes ok for you x

@GladWeNowHaveChoices Thanks so much for all your support through this. I've really appreciated it. Take care and I hope you continue to keep getting better with it all x

@Cannotcopewiththis such a week you've had.

I actually mentioned you to my counsellor this week, and said I wanted to drive to your house and take you to your appointment, because noone should go through this alone.

I can see why you feel relief. I know I had hoped for the same to happen to me at one stage.

Have you someone to support you now? I know you're relieved but as my counsellor told me, it's still a bereavement and you have to allow yourself to grieve.

Take the next few weeks easy, and be kind you yourself x

@GladWeNowHaveChoices Awe I actually filled up reading that, thank you so much! Honestly the kindness of strangers sometimes is just so heartwarming, especially in light of how people "close" to me are being. I gathered the courage this week to confide in a friend as to what all was going on. She said she needed some time to "process" it all and I haven't heard from her since.

My partner said he hoped I was happy now that I'd got what I wanted.

If anything the whole experience has taught me who is worth keeping in my life and who's not.

I'm glad your counsellor is helping you through and that you have that support. You sound like a genuinely lovely person and I really hope you can fully move forward from it all x