Abortion at 10 weeks and biggest regret!!

[Strawberry10x]

Hi. I’m not really sure where to start tbh but I feel like I had to reach out somewhere, not even sure if I’ll get any replies but I needed to express my feelings somewhere.

I had a surgical abortion on Wednesday (10th Jan) and now I’m full of instant regret. I know it’s still all quite raw and hormones are all over the place but I’m struggling.
I already have 3 children and finding out I was pregnant came as a shock. Me & my partner had never spoke about having our own child together. We had a number of talks about what to do and decided that not carrying on with the pregnancy was the best for our family.

I now just can’t help but feel guilty, disgusted in what I’ve done, it’s literally killing me inside. I’m being strong for my children but the minute I’m alone all I do is cry. I also feel like I don’t have the right to be upset as I made the choice.

I’m worried that I’ll never be ok again and the guilt is just too much. Not sure I’ll ever be ok again.

Not really sure where I’m going with this!!
But my advice to anyone who is in the situation now and is deciding what to do, please make sure you are 100% sure on your decision. I thought I was and never thought about how I now have to live with this guilt for the rest of my life.

If anyone has any advice or wants to ask me anything about the procedure then feel free.

Thank you for reading if you made it this far.

Im sending you all my love ❤️❤️ I have been where you are, in July I terminated at 8 weeks. Biggest regret of my life.
please feel free to message me, I’ve made a few posts about my experience you’ll find many many many women, who have done the same. We are human, we make mistakes and we are allowed to
hurt. We won’t always get it right. My heart goes out to you, because I know where you’re at. Please msg whenever you need 🫶🏻❤️❤️❤️

Thank you so much for your kind words ❤️
I’ve found a lot of comfort in reading other woman’s posts on here who have been in the same situation and knowing I’m not alone.

It just hurts a lot right now 😔 & I feel awful as I made this choice. I just hope that in time things will get easier because at the moment I can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Sending you lots of love ❤️

@Strawberry10x I've done exactly the same thing and I'm just full of guilt and regret. I feel utterly heartbroken and struggling to do anything. It was only on Friday but now realised I think I was suffering from perinatal anxiety. I wanted my baby but just let the toxic thoughts take over. I thought I'd be ruining the lives of my children and now I can't face it. I'm a mess.

I've miscarried twice previously too and feel worse than then because I did this and can't undo it. I don't even feel I deserve forgiveness.

Sending all the love and sympathy to you, this is a horrendous, gut wrenching feeling xx

@Unreliablenightmare This is exactly how I feel too. I thought I was doing the right thing for the children I already have but now I feel like I’ve took away a sibling they could have had and know they would have adored.

Mine will be 2 weeks on Wednesday and it’s still not got any easier. It’s all I think about from the minute I wake up, even dream about my baby 😭 Hoping that it will get easier in time but I just can’t see that happening at the moment.

Feel free to private message me if you ever want to talk. Sending you lots of love ❤️ xxx

Trust me, it does get better. I had an abortion in August and spiralled into a pretty dark place afterwards. I took every bit of help that was on offer - therapy, anti-depressants, talked to friends. And gradually, week by week, I've started to come to terms with it. I wouldn't say I don't regret it, but put it this way - I did the right thing for my family, and that's what being a good parent is all about. Right?! Even if it hurts like heck sometimes! Please message me if you want to talk x

@Lookingforward1981 how long did it take for you to start to feel better? Its been 5 days for me and I'm absolutely devastated. I can't stop crying and feel like my head betrayed me. I just don't know how to get through it and don't have anyone to talk to other than my husband.

Sorry to hijack!

@Lookingforward1981 Thank you for your comment. I’m so glad you’re starting to feel abit better about it all now. That gives me a bit of hope that I will eventually get there myself one day. At the minute everyday just seems a struggle 😔
My partner is really trying his best but I’m also pushing him away and have no interest in going out or spending time together, which sounds awful.

@Unreliablenightmare No need to apologise. You’re in the exactly same position as me ❤️ xxxx

Hi ladies, came across this thread whilst looking for some people who are in a similar position to me.. how are you doing now?
I'm currently waiting an appointment for my surgical abortion, I think its the right thing to do at this time as I have two other children ( 5.5 2.5 ) but I just feel like I will regret it massively afterwards.. sending love x

@Unblossomedflower I'm so sorry you're in this position. It's very tough. Honestly, for me, massive regret that I can't see me getting over. It's made me realise how much I want a third baby. I think for me I was suffering with perinatal anxiety. My husband and I have agreed to try again. I miss my baby, I miss being pregnant and miss feeling any sense of calm. I'm already into cycle tracking. If I had my time again, I wouldn't go through with it. I also have 2 little ones, 2 and 4 and now I think what's the difference of one more. My two boys would be really pleased. Sending you lots of love. It's an awful decision to make xx

@Unreliablenightmare thankyou so much for your reply it means alot
For me, my situation is alot different, me and my kids dad arnet together so I would be raising all 3 children by myself like I am doing now but just within extra one. Financially now I struggle too so I don't know how I would cope with a third. I have bad mental health at the best of times and I was just looking forward to getting my life back on track, my kids being out of the newborn/toddler stage. My son has not ling started nursery and i was enjoying the time i had to myself as i dont have much support around me. I was adamant I was done with two as I have struggled massively mentally, physically and emotionally. I think my biggest regret now is leaving it this long :( I have wondered if I am struggling with prenatal depression myself but, if you would of asked me a few months ago if I wanted another child I would of happily said no. Sorry for the long reply, I feel like I have no one to talk to xx

@Unblossomedflower bless you. That sounds tough. Only you can know. I felt the sme months ago, I was adamant I was done and really enjoying being a familu of 4.

If you think you're suffering from perinatal anxiety, ask your midwife to speak to the perinatal anxiety team and be adamant. If you haven't started speaking to the midwife yet, make sure you do. I really wished I hadn't rushed the decision. Have you hit 12 weeks yet? I read alot after about how some people felt much more relaxed and excited after their scan. I really wish I'd waited. I have been utterly heartbroken. I'm having weekly counselling and I have cried every day since I made the terrible decision.

Only you know what the tight thing for you is, my only advice is, don't rush it and see how much of a plan you make for the baby fitting in (free childcare from 9 months in September I think). Please don't underestimate the feelings on this side of things. I read how people felt relieved. I've not felt that at all and have really struggled for the last few weeks to look after my children. Not saying any of this to scare you, it's your decision and some people do feel relieved but that hasn't been my reality xxx

@Unblossomedflower Hi. I’m sorry you’re in this position and got to make this awful choice, the hardest thing ever.
If I could go back to just over 6 weeks ago I would have never of gone through with the abortion. My biggest regret that I’ve now got to live with forever. I have 3 children (11,9,7 years old) and did what I thought was best at the time for all of us but it wasn’t as it’s affected me massively. I constantly think about how far long I would be now and all the what if’s.

All ever I seemed to read everywhere was how relieved women felt after but I never did. Just constant guilt and regret everyday since. All a child wants is to be loved, cared for and our time but I didn’t realise that until it was too late.

Everyone’s circumstances are totally different and I’m so sorry that you’ve got to make this choice but please don’t rush into anything or let anyone tell you what to do.

Please don’t let anything I say sway you in anyway but please just make sure you’re 100% sure. Sending you lots of love ❤️ xxx

lots of love to you aswell @Unreliablenightmare xxxx

@Strawberry10x what lovely advice. Sending lots of love too 💗

I think it took me around four months, definitely around Christmas time. I stopped feeling like there was no way out, that I had to absolutely divorce my husband anyway. Spending time together as a family helps as I think it helps me to appreciate what I have. Last week was a big step for me as I told a mum friend what had happened (as opposed to family or school friends, who I share everything with). She was amazing, and made me think we should be sharing more often!

Hello, I’m hoping someone from this thread can help me.
I know you guys posted a couple of months ago and I was wondering how you’re all feeling about things now time has gone on a little bit and if you would mind sharing your thoughts with me.
I have 3 children ages 19, 16 and 11 and am 10 weeks pregnant.
i just don’t think I can go through with it… the age gaps, starting all over again, my mental health isn’t the best, I have nobody around me except my husband that works away and I just don’t see a way out.
I have an appointment booked but am worried that I will regret my decision… if it’s the decision you made does it get easier as time goes on?
Thank you

Hi @Anxiousmumma1 I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. It’s honestly the hardest decision you have to make.

I will be totally honest with you here. I’m nearly 3 months on now and it hasn’t really got any easier. I don’t cry every day like I was doing but it’s all I think about. It’s definitely changed me as a person and affected my relationship with my partner massively. If I could back I would have never of gone through with it. The regret will always be there for me.

I also have 3 children (11, 9 & 7 years old) and even though it would of been hard work I now know that we would of managed and my children would of loved having a little one around.

Everyone’s circumstances are different & I’m so sorry you’ve got to make this awful decision.

Feel free to message me if you would like to.

Sending you lots of love ❤️

@Strawberry10x thank you so much for your reply and I’m sorry to hear things aren’t much easier for you.
I have never felt like this before on any of my pregnancies… I was very young having my first 2 children and still didn’t feel like this.
I also had a miscarriage 4 years ago and was completely devastated.
Another baby was always on the cards but unfortunately it just didn’t happen.
We just assumed we couldn’t have anymore and so gave up and actually decided that now the others have got so big we can actually have a life for ourselves and enjoy the fact that our children are pretty independent.
I mean our eldest is an actual adult and the thought that there could be grandchildren too in the not so distant future makes me feel even worse.
I love my children more than anything but because of being so young having them I have never known a life without children as at 16 I was just a child myself.
I hate the situation I’m in and honestly never thought I would need to make this kind of decision.
my head say don’t be ridiculous, you need to have a life yourself but my heart pulls at me and makes me feel guilty.
Im so torn!

@Anxiousmumma1 I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I don’t have children as old as yours but with my oldest being 11 years old and the thought of starting all over again also scared me. Now I wish I could go back in time and change it all.

Before I went ahead with the abortion I knew I would feel sad. But the guilt and regret is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.

Maybe you could talk to a counsellor before making your final decision?

I hope you make the right decision for you and your family. Please don’t let anything I’ve said sway you in anyway as everyone’s circumstances are different. xx

Thank you so much and I’m sorry if having this conversation with me has brought things back up for you. I really appreciate your kindness x

@Anxiousmumma1 I feel exactly the same as @Strawberry10x I've never regretted anything more. I'm not usually an anxious person but realise now I was suffering from perinatal anxiety and all I was feeling was dread. I focused on the negative and built those things up into huge things that seemed insurmountable. Reality was, they were all easy things to overcome.

It's all I can think about too and like strawberry, i dont cry everyday but i cry alot. I'm lucky in that my husband agrees it was a mistake too and we got it wrong and we'll try again.

It's such a personal decision. I put a time limit on myself and i wish I hadn't done that. Please just take the time to make the decision and don't rush yourself. All those reasons that you have, think of a plan to counter each one. I did that after and every reason feels so small.

If the decision is too hard, you probably have your decision. I'll live with this for the rest of my life.

Again, don't want to sway you. I'm sorry you're going through this xx

@Unreliablenightmare thank you so much.
im really sorry you feel that way and I’m really glad that your husband is on side and supporting you.
my husband has been so supportive too…right now he just wants me to be happy and back to my normal self because I have been so low it’s scared him.
I wasn’t sure how he would react when I said how I was feeling but he admitted that although he wouldn’t mind if a baby came along he also agrees with all the things I’ve said surrounding the fact that the age gaps are just so big and that we have never actually had a life for ourselves pre children because we were just so young having them and the likelihood is it’s now or never in that sense because grandchildren may very well be next and because we don’t have ANY support in that way, we want to ensure we can help our children/grandchildren when that time comes.
Is it better for me to possibly live with a regret for my own choice than turn everyone’s world upside down 😔
I really appreciate you both replying x

Hi not sure if anyone’s still active on here, I just found out I’m 8 weeks pregnant I have an 8 month old and I’ve been suffering ppd and ppa. I think it would be Terrible
for
me to bring another child into the world with the state of my mental health right now but I’m also worried about how my mental health will deteriorate if I have the termination 😖😖😖

@Abee89 im really sorry you’re having a hard time right now.
I decided to go through with my termination and as much as I know it was absolutely the right choice at the time (I was completely suicidal and couldn’t even get an appointment with my GP) I do wish now that I hadn’t done it.
My baby would have been due in 3 weeks and I can’t help but feel guilty and sad.
I would never want to sway anyone’s decision but what I will say is find someone you trust and talk it through.
Be honest with how you are feeling, speak to your doctor too and weigh up how they can help you.
If I had been able to do that, I don’t think I would have made the same choice.
I feel exactly the same as how the other ladies on this thread explained to me… that there was this massive dread but actually when I made my choice and the extra rush of hormones obviously went away and the cloud lifted I could see that things definitely would have been manageable, I didn’t need a termination I just need support with my mental health.
like the last above told me, I’ll live with this for the rest of my life.
please go easy on yourself.
dont be ashamed of speaking to people about how you feel.
I really hope you’ll be ok whatever decision you make. x

Hi Abee, I'm sorry you're going through this. I wish I had never gone through it. I would have a nearly 2 month old by now. I regretted it so much and knew after it was the worst decision I had made. I'm pregnant again, I feel mentally so much calmer and understand that it was all hormones making me feel that way. If you think you'll regret this, you likely will.

Only you know what's right for you but a terminate doesn't resolve the longer term problems.

I'm 29 weeks now and despite being this far along, I still think of my baby who I lost often. It really is still with me.

Best of luck to you. It's such a hard decision

@Unreliablenightmare im so glad you’ve managed to go on and get pregnant again.
Im glad to see you are in a better place now.
I too now realise it was all just hormones and I would be due 3 weeks today.
I live with it everyday and probably won’t ever go on to have anymore because of the guilt I feel but I wanted to say thank you for answering me so kindly back in April and how I wish I had been in the right frame of mind to have taken your advice. Sending lots of love to you.
good luck with the baby x