Medical abortion, scared about what I'll see

[Throwaway38]

Hiya,
I've never posted on here but I've read some threads about medical abortion on here & people's stories have been incredibly comforting!

I'm currently 3+4 weeks (from conception that is, Ive not been going by the first date of my last period), got a scan booked in for this Friday & will be able to pick up the tablets then. I've worked out exactly when I'll be taking the 2nd dose of tablets (due to work/childcare/when partner will be home to help!), at which point I'll be 4+5 weeks.

The main reason I'm here is because I'm absolutely terrified of seeing the fetus when it passes. I'm not worried about the pain as I like to think I have a high pain threshold & I'm very certain on my decision (although i still feel guilty & emotional), but I'm so scared that I'll see the fetus & won't be able to unsee it or that it'll make me feel so much worse in terms of my emotional wellbeing.

People on here are so helpful but I feel like this aspect of medical abortion isn't spoken about much & if anyone could give me truthful, honest answers (please be TMI if needs be!) so I know what to expect & prepare myself, I'd be so grateful, thank you!

At that gestation there are very little defining features and you will likely pass large clots and within those clots will be the expelled foetus.

You are unlikely to 'see' anything.

Similar timescales here and just like a heavy period. I was able to go to the toilet for most of it also, just don’t look if you are worried, good luck 🌸

You’ll see blood and blood clots. Nothing that resembles a baby.

May I make a few suggestions? Granny pants, nighttime sanitary towels, paracetamol and nurofen (which you may not even need but is reassuring to have close by), put towels or incontinence pads on your bed or couch if you are worried about flooding (again, may not need them but it is one less thing to worry about), and a hot water bottle.

Be prepared to be emotional about this but remember that doesn’t mean it is the wrong decision. 💐

Thank you all so much for replying, I really appreciate the support & your own experiences, it's so reassuring to hear x

Best of luck! You'll be fine and it will just be like a heavy period.
Be kind to yourself. Xx

You won’t see anything except blood and clots my lovely.

Put some big pants on with big pads, and get a hot water bottle and painkillers ready.

I spent the majority of mine on the toilet and I was a bit further along than you and didn’t see anything.

my inbox is open if you’d like a chat. I found a fellow mumsnetter going through the same as me on the same day and we’d more or less taken our pills together. It really helped me through.

Hi throwaway,

I don’t know where you are on your journey now but I am also about to go through the same thing. My pills arrived yesterday and I am terrified in so many ways, but mostly that I see something that makes this a baby rather than a ball of cells. I am also a mother already and could never have believed that I would find myself having to make this awful decision, yet here I am, about to do something I can’t quite fathom. Sending my best wishes at a difficult time.

xxx

Hey I'm the same (conception dates) how was your experience?x

Hi everyone, i am looking some advice. Booked for medical abortion Monday and due to take the tablets on Tuesday. I suffer pretty badly with anxiety (recently put on med again) and the fear of going through this physically and emotionally is getting to me. I am thinking the worst, maybe it won't work? Will I hemorrhage? Will I be able to cope mentally. Please help. I should also add, I'm married, two kids already and we don't want more. I feel my mental health isn't strong enough to cope with pregnancy, labour and post partum again (I suffered after my first). Also, my husband has a severe form of arthritis and he is on pain meds at night, finds it difficult to do things so we both believe this is the right choice for us. I don't really know what I'm asking here but just looking some support. I just wish I had a crystal ball to see how this all will pan out.

Hi hun, sorry to hear that you’re going through this I was in the same position a few weeks ago and I know exactly how hard it is. How far along are you? I was 5 weeks and honestly physically my period pains are worse than the pain I experienced. The intense cramping pain only lasted 2 hours for me and the codeine completely stopped me from feeling it once it died down. It wasn’t traumatic and I didn’t pass anything but clots or see anything I just bled very heavily for about a week & a half. Post abortion mentally it’s been a struggle as my hormones were all over the place and a part of me wasn’t sure however regardless I’m content with my decision and know it was for the best. You have children to think about and either way whatever you do this will impact you physically & mentally it’s just a question of whichever you feel is right for you. Follow your heart sending hugs xx

Thanks for replying. I will be almost 7 weeks when I take the tablets, I am going to speak to the counselor today beforehand to see if that helps clarify things for me. Either decision I make, I see myself struggling with and I feel so unfair to keep a pregnancy knowing how unwanted it has been from the minute I seen the test. At the minute, I can't visualise the road where I keep the pregnancy without it filling me with dread, fear and anxiety.

@mia546

I took my first pill at the clinic today. At the minute I'm feeling stronger than I have been so far, now that the decision has been made. What should I expect tomorrow? Can you remember how long it was in total before the worst was over for you?

After the second pill it kicked in about a hour later, I had minor cramps and bleeding. I'd say a hour after that I had stronger cramps (nothing you can't handle) and then I was bleeding heavily once I took my codeine I was fine and it just felt like a heavy period

Thanks, hoping it works for me. I am good at handling pain, just want it all to be over. The wait is

*agonizing.

Yeah I defo agree the anticipation is worse than the actual process, glad that you're feeling better xx

Hey, Can I ask how you knew it has passed/was complete?

Hey as I was quite early I knew that I passed it by the clots and heavy bleeding my symptoms also subsided completely about 4 days later, I'm going to take a test on Sunday to confirm

Thank you, I passed quite a few clots/tissue so hoping that's it passed. Good luck with your test and thanks for the support.

Took second lot of termination pills today and so scared and shaking and so anxious. I am on my own and trying ro keep calm but struggling.anyone else going threw similar?

Hi @CherryM not currently but will be next week. Will also be alone. Sending you a hand hold

Thanks :) was getting worried, 3 hours in and just started cramping, hoping this is it and it won't be to bad.

Please don't be afraid, I know it's easier said than done but I lit some candles, lit the fire at home, some hot water bottles and downloaded Solitaire on my phone to try my best to occupy myself. It took four hours from taking the tablets until my first cramps which were very manageable. Keep messaging on here if you need to chat x

Hey hun hope you're doing okay, honestly don't worry about it the worst will definitely be over very soon and that's if you even do experience that as everyone is different if you have any concerns or questions feel free to message back xx

Thank you, how are you doing now?