Medical abortion.

[Kardelen]

Hello.
i realised I was pregnant not long ago. Completely unexpected. Failed contraception. I feel so bad and guilty. I already have a 15 month old, and returned back to work not too long ago. Live with our parents, as they are not at the healthiest stage and I take care of them. It’s been extremely difficult already. Had a traumatic birth first time round, and a few months later one of my parents had gone through cancer.
now I am worried sick, I need to decide what I want by tomorrow. I am so scared of taking the pills and keep thinking I am going to end a life… scared of the bleeding, scared I will have retained tissue which will mean I need surgery… but I can’t tell anyone this.
i am honestly devastated and don’t know what to do. I feel so guilty for the life that’s growing in me. But I don’t think I am even mentally stable to look after another baby. I pay a family member to look after my first while I am at work… and sometimes he stays with my parents but I know it’s very hard on them and I feel bad. I’m at a job where I can’t really take a career break, as I will be removed from the register. I’m so clueless. I’m worried of killing something so innocent… but how will I look after? And what would people say?

Please don't worry about what people will say and how will you look. People will always judge. You don't need to tell anyone about it.

What I can say is you seem unsure. Please only go ahead if you are 100 percent sure because it is a permanent decision. I wasn't sure but I took the pills when I was very poorly one afternoon/had lack of sleep.

It's up to you at the end of the day. Make a list of the pros and the cons.

Thank you for your message. I was 100% sure that I didn’t want it. But waiting 3 weeks just to get an appointment now put me at 8 weeks. I have been seeing other posts saying once they passed they could see the baby, the features were exactly like a baby, and this scares me.
i feel so bad, just so so bad. Did you regret after doing it? How many weeks were you if you don’t mind me asking.

I was same as you 8 weeks. I looked at brief pictures online but when I passed the pregnancy the day I took the second set of pills, I heard 2 plops and it must have gone then. I didn't see anything in the toilet as there was so much blood. I was wary of seeing the baby. But I think a few weeks later someone wrote on here they saw it and I felt really guilty.

I regretted doing it after the first pill. Yes. 3 weeks later I kept thinking I would have managed and all the thoughts I was thinking weren't that bad. My baby would have been born before my child's 2nd birthday. I'm not sure if it was the hormones or what. But yeah I was heartbroken because I felt like I should have just dealt with the vomiting (very sick). I felt like my husband should have supported me more.

You know you're personal situation. How would you feel if baby wasn't there anymore? You've told us how you feel pregnant but what about the opposite?

aw Bless you. Giving you hugs. I also looked at the pictures online… don’t know why I want to torture myself. Maybe because of guilt.
Dont feel bad. At the time that’s what you felt was best for you and your family. that’s the thing, We can’t predict the future feelings. And also it’s easier to think once the pregnancy is not their anymore as it’s a bit more distant from the reality…
it’s exactly the same. My baby will be 2 about 1-2 months after the baby is due.
And I’m already struggling with looking after him.

when I think about the pregnancy not being there it gives me a sense of relief. Feel guilty when saying this.

its the same. I wish my husband was more supportive. I didn’t tell him I’m pregnant, but he suspects as he knows I’m late. He suggested my mil moving in as well if that’s the case, but after my birth this was also traumatic when she stayed for a few weeks and don’t want history repeating itself.

How are you feeling now? When did you have it

Hi. I had an abortion earlier this year.
If possible. I'd really recommend requesting surgical. I was under a general- woke up with slight cramps. Had the bleeding of a light period a week later. And everything was done. I didn't have to pass anything and there wasn't lots of blood and it wasn't incredibly painful. I was in and out within 4 hours too.
Best of luck x

I was thinking of this, but do you need anyone to collect you after the procedure?

Hey op
Just sending you big hugs 💐
I have been in your situation but I had the operation, which wasn’t too bad, but uncomfortable as you’d expect but not so much so I couldn’t do anything.
i know my daughter in law had the tablets, but I can honestly say she saw nothing but what was described as a heavy period. She did say it was painful so maybe just prep for that but please only do this if you are 100% sure, it’s a horrible decision to make i appreciate but one that has to be right for you.

Asanother poster said write down pro’s cons and everything that comes into your head put it down fears everything.then try to work through that and see if you can ease your mind one way or the other.
I’ll be honest I did regret my decision and still think about it now some 20 years later, but on the day, I was told from the scan the baby wasn’t growing as expected and had a very faint heartbeat, I had suffered miscarriages prior trying for my two ds.
life has a funny way of working itself out you know, so if you didn’t do it I’m sure it would be Manageable, not easy but you’d manage.
so please don’t worry yourself with fear if you decided to have it.
and don’t worry yourself silly or feel guilty and blame yourself if you don’t.
This is about you and what you want you will make the right decision, be brave be strong and don’t beat yourself up ok.
you’ve got this, thinking of you & hope whatever you decide brings you peace as this is an awful thing to go through. X

@Kardelen thank you. I had it done 5 weeks ago.

Hey Op
Just to answer you question, yes I think you will need collecting afterwards on account o the anaesthetic. As a precaution but you do sit and recover afterwards before you leave.
good luck x

Thank you so much.
I’m sorry that you regret and still regret. It’s a big decision. Must’ve been really hard, but wasn’t in your hands if the heart beat was weak.
I actually did previously write down the pros and cons, and cons was definitely more dominant. it’s mainly about child care issues and me actually managing to look after them as well
as balancing other things in my life.

May I ask how many weeks your daughter in law was? Just wondering if it’s more visible if it was older

Thank you xx

In Regards to your last message would you qualify for free childcare when your toddler is 2? At 2 they're way more independent but yeah still need you. Babies are fine 0-6 months it's once they start crawling...you have to be on the ball.

At the end of the day it's upto you x

That’s true actually! Not sure how to apply but I’ll have a look thank you

I don’t think I would be eligible for that. But says all kids 3-4 years old can receive 15 hours of child care. If I did choose to go ahead with the pregnancy by the time I return to work after mat leave, oldest one would be 3 years old.
but as he’s born in March I’m assuming he may have to wait till September which makes it an issue

Just wanted to send a big hug OP. I am in a similar-ish situation. I will be 9 weeks by the time I have the online consultation about abortion, and I happened to read on here about someone who had an abortion at 8 weeks and saw a lot. That thought has lodged in my brain since.
Pretty sure that my DP would prefer it if I had an abortion (although he says he'll support whatever decision I make, fair play to him.) I'm just stuck. I don't want the decision to come down to what I happen to feel on the day the tablets come through the post, but at the moment, I am completely undecided.
Hope you're ok x

If he's born in March he could start in April.

Sending hugs your way too 😞
it’s such a difficult situation, and feel guilty at the thought that I think I’d be relieved if I was no longer pregnant. I can’t stop thinking about this to the point it’s making me sick.
if it was only a year on from today my thoughts would’ve been different. But now I’m stuck.
they didn’t want to send pills home, I have a scan tomorrow morning. And from that they will give me the first pill. I’m assuming theyll
give me the second to take at home. I’m scared 😞

Thank you so much x

Somebody on mumsnet send me this me ment to be a 6 week abortion so at 8 weeks I don’t think you would see much

@Kardelen why do they want you to take the pill there and not at home? Just curious.

I hope so!

It’s quite long winded. I probably got in touch with them 3 weeks ago. They gave me initial appointment for the 8th July, but I called back asking if they can do it sooner as ideally it’s making me feel even more bad each day that passes by.
they managed to book it for 6th July, and I thought they would send me the tablets. This happened to only be a consultation asking info about me. They then booked an appointment for tomorrow- saying I would have to have a scan first to check how many week it actually is. Then they will give me the first tablet there. But not sure whether they would give me second lot to take home or go back for it in clinic.

Hi,
I am currently going through a medical abortion,
I would be 8 weeks today...
I took the first pill yesterday and then today the 4 you insert followed by 2 more 3 hours later.

The pain is bad, and the blood is heavy.

In regards to seeing anything, I clotted into a pad and into the toilet, there was soo much blood both times that it looked no different to the clots you pass after giving birth.

But you don't sound like you 100% want the abortion so I wouldn't advise it.
Not medically or surgically (I have had both now)

I wasn't 100% certain about the first one I had (surgical) and still now almost 12 years later I beat myself up about it, and it ended up being the best decision I had ever made as the 'father' beat me within an inch of my life a few months later.

This time I know I don't want more children, I have been blessed with 2 beautiful babies and I feel no guilt just physical pain that will soon leave.

I wish you all the beat with your decision 💙