Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy choices

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

Original poster

Abortion

27 replies

Anamae1223 · 03/02/2022 06:04

I’m currently 15 weeks, I’m scheduled for an abortion tomorrow.
I have an 18 months old already, I already feel guilty about what’s about to happen but I know it’s the best decision for myself and my child. We would struggle financially, I struggle to cope with 1 child most days, I’m absolutely terrified of birth and recovery all over again, I know my current living child would suffer.
The thing that’s making me feel the worse is that the father wants me to have the child, however he doesn’t have to birth it or stay home with it daily. I’m currently going through a lot of mental stress and I just know a baby will make it worse, there’s just so many reasons not to go ahead with the pregnancy but I feel like such a awful person.

Has anyone ever had an abortion at 15 weeks? Has anyone had an abortion and not regretted it?

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 03/02/2022 07:21

I haven't been through this myself but just offering a hand hold. You're doing what you feel is right for you in your circumstances and you shouldn't feel guilty. I have one child and I know I couldn't do it again so I can empathise there.

ProfessorScience · 03/02/2022 07:42

I had an abortion a little over 3 years ago and I don't regret it one bit. It will always have been the right decision for me.
I can understand why you're feeling guilty but you should try to let that go. You are doing what you feel is best and looking out for yourself, your DC, and the future of your current family unit. Be kind to yourself and do remember that you can change your mind should you want to right up until the last minute.

Original poster
Anamae1223 · 03/02/2022 07:55

Thank you for the kind words, I definitely think it’s the best decision to make, hopefully the guilt doesn’t stick around. @ProfessorScienceif you don’t mind me asking, how far along were you? How did you find the actual procedure?

OP posts:
Bonheurdupasse · 03/02/2022 08:02

Dear OP,
You are doing the right thing.
You are a person, you are allowed to think of yourself.
All the best

ProfessorScience · 03/02/2022 08:18

I was around 8 weeks so mine was a medical abortion. I found the whole procedure very respectful for want of a better word. Everyone I saw at the clinic was lovely and it was a smooth process from start to finish. I won't lie, I found the actual passing of the pregnancy stage very painful, the worst cramps you can imagine, but it didn't last too long.
For a while after I almost felt bad that I didn't feel guilty or wasn't mourning my loss, but I think that was because I've read so many times people saying you'll regret an abortion. I didn't regret it then, and I still don't now.

Original poster
Anamae1223 · 04/02/2022 08:20

Update-
I had my appointment today and I thought I’d update here as I found it difficult to find experiences online.
I arrived at the clinic, saw the nurse who did my obs, went through risks, then saw the surgeon who did the paper work with me, I then went to reception and paid, then saw the man that distributes the sedation medication, he gave me 2 tablets and I had to sit in the waiting room while they dissolved between my cheek and gum for 3 hours (based off gestation)
Once the 3 hours were up, I was taken into a room, given a gown, got dressed, laid on the table and give medication through an IV and that’s all I remember, I woke up in recovery.

Emotionally I won’t lie, it is tough but I know it was the right decision. Before I went ahead with the procedure I wrote in my notes all of the reasons that I know it’s the best choice for me and my family so if I feel emotional about it I can remind myself why I did it. This has definitely helped so far.

OP posts:
Amummyx · 07/02/2022 10:35

I had a surgical termination 3 years ago now, was my first and I was around 8weeks pregnant (was flying to America a week later which is why it was surgical to make sure it was done properly)
found the whole experience very upsetting but it was over quickly and I had a lot of support.
I hope you're doing ok, sounds like you done it for all the right reasons. I currently have a 7mo now and I couldnt think of anything worse than getting pregnant again I found the pregnancy and birth and after birth awful. We will wait until our LO is in full time school if we decide for another one
X

Original poster
Anamae1223 · 07/02/2022 22:32

I felt very much the same, the day after my emotions were all over the place and I cried non stop but I know it was the right decision to make, as hard as it was. I said the exact same thing about my daughter being in school before we think of another one.
Thanks so much for sharing xx @Amummyx

OP posts:
SmellinOfTroy · 07/02/2022 22:35

You've made the right decision,for you and your family

It will get easier.

Mamoftwoboys · 23/02/2022 09:45

I’m also contemplating abortion I have 2 boys already and husband really wants this baby but I just don’t! He’s already told family and friends we are expecting and everyone is so happy and all I feel is dread. I have an appointment with abortion clinic next week and he doesn’t know. I’m not sure I can tell him. I feel awful

Original poster
Anamae1223 · 23/02/2022 10:09

@Mamoftwoboys hey lovely! I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s so hard. If you need to chat feel free to message me or if you need to ask anything at all. I really struggled with the decision but I’m 2.5 weeks post procedure now and I feel sadness about what I had to do but I know that it was the absolute best decision I could have made for my family. We had also told friend and family which made it harder but I definitely don’t regret the decision.

OP posts:
SmellinOfTroy · 23/02/2022 10:36

@Mamoftwoboys

I’m also contemplating abortion I have 2 boys already and husband really wants this baby but I just don’t! He’s already told family and friends we are expecting and everyone is so happy and all I feel is dread. I have an appointment with abortion clinic next week and he doesn’t know. I’m not sure I can tell him. I feel awful
You do what you need to do.

How far along are you?
Does he know you don't want to continue with this pregnancy?
(of course you dont have to answer these questions if you feel they are intrusive, but it may help you talking through)

Mamoftwoboys · 23/02/2022 11:18

I'm currently 9+4 he knows I don't want it but he thinks it's just because I'm struggling with pregnancy at the minute and I keep telling him that's not the case. He's already told Family and friends so I feel like I'm trapped and Iv told him this. I feel family wouldn't understand if I told them I aborted. I feel like I'm going to have to lie.

SmellinOfTroy · 23/02/2022 11:48

you do whatever you need to - its ok.

If you dont want to tell people you had a termination, you can say miscarriage - whatever gets you through.

Its a shame he is not supporting you though

Mamoftwoboys · 23/02/2022 12:02

Thank you.
I keep thinking I'm such a horrible person for lying but he's not listening so I feel like I have no choice and this is the way it has to be. He did say he would support me but while saying that he's going on about how excited he is for the baby so I just don't believe him. I know some people say the guilt will eat you up but since Iv made my mind up I feel like a weight has been lifted and that I'm going to have my body back. The clinic is just up the road from us and Iv already got a plan in place. Iv already had a bad pregnancy with really bad pains so I don't think a miscarriage would be a shock. I'm happy with my boys and we had both discussed abortion at first but I think he spoke to people at work and they talked him out of it and then I felt I was talked out of it and suddenly everyone knew we were expecting so I felt forced x

ChleoWhite1 · 23/02/2022 22:36

Two weeks ago today I had an abortion at 18 weeks -- I felt like it was the right decision financially and especially the fact I had come out of an emotionally abusive relationship. But im struggling to understand why everyday I feel guilt, I cry almost everyday and I sleep with the baby grow I brought my baby, I just feel so empty and hurt - I try and stay positive for my little boy, but some days are harder than others. Does anyone have any advice because I honestly feel like im not coping emotionally. Has anyone else experienced this and have some suggestions. Thank you.

ChikaCherryCola · 23/02/2022 23:30

ChleoWhite1 I'm so sorry for what you're going through Flowers Regardless of the circumstances, you've suffered a pregnancy loss and that is so difficult. You're grieving and grieving takes time. Your hormones are all over the place which doesn't help.

Do you have anyone irl who can support you? I think it will just take time but support may make it easier. You made the only decision you could. You've done the very best by your little boy but it's okay to acknowledge your loss and grieve.

I'm sorry I don't have any practical advice. Keep posting if it helps.

ChleoWhite1 · 23/02/2022 23:49

Thank you soo much!! Sad.
I agree with you it does take time, but I feel like day by day it should get easier? and I feel like it's not. I feel like I've lost a part of myself, but I try everyday. I have a counsellor but I just feel like it doesn't help my grief, it doesn't change my loss and its just pain. A lot of self blame and guilt is probably contributing to it.
my mum said the same thing about it being ok to acknowledge my grief, but just for a day I just want to feel like me, just want the pain to stop.

Please don't be sorry your message has helped me a lot it has helped me understand that the way I'm feeling is normal - we are all human and have emotions. so I really do appreciate you taking the time to reach out to me.

I will keep posting you have really helped me, even by writing me a little response, I really am grateful :)

HandlebarLadyTash · 02/03/2022 20:10

I had an abortion absolutely no guilt.

ChleoWhite1 · 02/03/2022 20:44

It depends on individual circumstances but I’m glad you made the right decision for you and have no guilt but some do.

HandlebarLadyTash · 05/03/2022 22:49

@ChleoWhite1, my comment was directed at the thread as a whole. I'm sorry you are struggling. I couldn't financially afford another child and really didnt want another one. The life I have now is not the life I would have had if I had if I had continued with the pregnancy.

Lonleygal · 23/03/2022 13:08

I had 2 abortions 5 and 8 years ago. I’m still struggling now with what I’ve done . But if course some women have an abortion and are absolutely fine with it and no guilt at all . It’s so difficult as you don’t always know how your going to feel or react after it’s actually done . I had a talk with my eldest daughter who is 21 and said please be so careful with contraception as I never want her to go through what I’m going through now. I was very careless and am now paying the price.

Lunamoon28 · 06/04/2022 15:14

I’m currently 5 weeks pregnant, and I’m so sad about it.

My back story is a little complicated; I have stage 4 endo - my chances of getting pregnant where pretty slim; then in 2018 I was blessed with a beautiful baby. - although I hated being pregnant - it was rough; after the birth I got PND and I still struggle with it to this day: but I was happy, content with one; happy and complete.

My partner and I have talked about more children - however it’s not something I have always been a fan of; I am happy with one - I was content and just happy with my boy - and that’s what I see when I look into my future.

However; we decided that if it happens then it happens - my endo returned with a vengeance and for 3 years; I never got pregnant; and I was happy and ok with that.

Until now; and I’m pregnant, and I really don’t want to be. I’ve cried and cried and cried; and I feel so selfish - but this is something I just didn’t think would ever happen; and I know what people are thinking; well, what did you expect?

I’ve spoken to my partner; and he is really supportive and said he understands how I’m feeling and that it’s me going through it and he will support me either way.

I know I’m selfish and should never ever have let it get this far - but it has and I need to deal with it.

My mental health is in the toilet and I’m so sad - I maybe need some perspective and to be honest someone to tell me that any decision I make is ok - I know I can’t put it on anyone else but myself; and validation from strangers shouldn’t be the deciding factor; but has anyone else ever felt this way?

Thank you, and I’m happy to receive the judgement; I know I’m putting myself out there to be shot at.

Lunamoon28 · 06/04/2022 15:15

Sorry to post this on here :( it wouldn’t let me start a new conversation.

Mamoftwoboys · 06/04/2022 16:13

Hi, no judgement here! You need to do what’s best for you and we are lucky we have the choice. I write above that I was really struggling. I ended up being admitted to hospital as my pregnancy had caused me to have deep vein thrombosis and I couldn’t be treated properly while pregnant so I asked the hospital to abort and after much back and forwards they agreed to do it. I still feel some guilt but I know it was for the best. You should never have to justify your decisions and I’m sure everyone else on this post will be non judgemental. I think so what you need to do and no one should make you feel bad for it.
I hope your ok, I know how hard this is but I’m happy to chat should you ever need it xx